Empathy

Actually, a person who has empathy can have the ability to sit and listen to another person that is struggling and be able to understand the significance of that other person's pain even if it's something they themselves don't feel is important or of value. A person who can sit and listen with respect for the pain another person may be experiencing without criticizing that person if it's not something they themselves can see as important. It's a willingness to see the other person as in individual, with their own identity and showing respect for that instead of spewing off opinions at that person and telling them what to do and what not to do all the time. Some individuals can have a lot of letters after their name and decide they are superior because of that when in reality, they may not be any good at truely connecting with others on a personal level at all.

I have sat with individuals who can't really handle the emotional in others but always tend to come back with "you need to do A, then B, then C". Sometimes it's not about doing A, B, and C either. While that's important, often what's needed is finding one's way through their own emotional duress where they just need to let out their emotional build up and even learn how to do that too.

I had a heart surgeon come out to my farm with his young daughter. After talking to him and he got to a personal comfort level with me, it turned out he really needed to vent some deep frustrations and concerns he was struggling with. His mother had breast cancer and she got chemo and tried to fight it lost her battle. He was really doubting if it was worth is because he did see her endure a lot of pain and end up losing. He needed to hear that there are women that actually do survive the treatment and go into remission and live for many years. It was sad that his mother did not experience that, but she had the right to at least try and see. He really needed to hear that and think about what he saw his mother go through in that vein where she wanted to try and deserved to do so and sometimes, treatment doesn't work, yet sometimes it does work and that's why you at least try. I never met him before, did not know his mother but could definitely see that he was struggling and really needed to talk about this with someone that could help him and LISTEN. We also talked about other things, including how challenging it is to work in the health care field. He was needing to talk and vent, even though he worked many hours opening so many people up and working on their hearts and being able to focus on doing that kind of work. He was not an island or someone who did not have feelings and his own personal challenges. I could see he just needed to vent and talk and was glad I could help him do just that. I could see he felt relief too. That's the good part of sitting, empathizing and LISTENING. And you don't have to have a ton of letters after your name to know how to do that either.

Just so you know, Open Eyes, I wasn't trying to suggest that doctors don't have feelings. There's a continuum there just like with the rest of us. I've known some great docs. Glad you were able to offer solace to that doctor

Oh, I understand that is not what you were suggesting you are correct there is a continuum in that field just like in every field and profession. However, I was not expecting a heart surgeon to share so much with me the way I had experienced that day. I think even in the professional health field it can be a challenge because of that continuum.

I don't think I could have it in me to open up another person and hold their heart and life in my hands. I guess I was surprised he would be having that kind of struggle and just needed to have someone to help him grieve what must have been very hard for him to see happen to his mother.

My aunt was a nurse for many years. After she was retired a few years and came to visit I was talking to her and she said that she had not realized how cold and robotic she had become over the years until she retired and was away from it all. I think sometimes in the medical field you see so much you can become desensitized.

desensititize:
make (someone) less likely to feel shock or distress at scenes of cruelty, violence, or suffering by overexposure to such images.

It could be that a person isn't lacking empathy but has seen so much they have been desensitized.

We're good in certain healthcare positions, particularly surgery. It's one of the professions that psychopaths gravitate towards.

A surgeon has to be able to focus for long periods of time and act with speed and precision while under extreme stress and with human life hanging in the balance. This is a situation which would easily overwhelm most people, and brain surgery is hard enough without the surgeon's hands trembling from nervousness. Psychopaths don't have that problem.