Is this verbal abuse?

Hello 👋,
I’m a 23-year old female who is on the Autistic Spectrum. I generally live Monday-Friday in supported living. I go home 🏡 to my parents and sister at weekends and for holidays.
Anyhow, my parents get mad quite a bit. They go on at me. My mum in particular gets mad a lot. They yell (if you can call it that). I have spoken with them many times about this. They interpret it as hurtful, like I’m saying they’re horrible people. I have great compassion and kindness for them and all sentient beings. I don’t want them to get mad as much. I’m going to talk about this with my support. It makes me feel upset, could increase my anxiety (something which I unfortunately suffer with very much, although it does get better) and could have a negative impact on mine and their mental health.
My mum was very stressed 😩 and cross this morning. She was saying that there are too many people in the world. She said (as a joke) that we need another plague to kill a few off. This upset me. I’m an extremely kind, compassionate and very sensitive person.
She gets mad when we’re running late, when stressed, when I don’t do as she wants me to, when I don’t do as I’m told and when I’m upset with anxiety.
I’m also a (near) vegan and I’m very, very passionate about animal rights. This might make me unpopular, but I do feel that people should be forced to be vegan. Yet, I can’t speak up when I see something I disagree with (e.g fishing) or when they eat meat for fear of anger.
Please help. Please be nice, no anti-vegan comments or other abusive comments. I don’t want my parents or anyone to get upset about this, I just want it sorted out.
Thank you 😊 to the moon 🌒 and back.
Best Wishes to all,
Rory.
Have the best day and night ever!

Hello Rory: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

Since you mentioned the difficulties you're experiencing with your parents the relationships forum, here on PC, may be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

And then since you are on the Autism Spectrum, you may want to take a look at the autism & Asperger's forum:

https://psychcentralforums.com/autis...er-s-syndrome/

Based on what you wrote, it sounds as through you may be what is sometimes referred to as a highly sensitive person. So here are links to 9 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on that subject plus 1 on how to de-escalate an argument:

What Does It Mean to Be a Highly Sensitive Person?

What Makes a Highly Sensitive Person?

Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? | Happily Imperfect

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tip...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/accepti...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/more-c...sitive-people/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-se...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-gift...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-tips...g-an-argument/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Well, I don't know if I would go as far as calling it verbal abuse, @3942, but then again, I don't know all the details, so only YOU can know! In any case, if these comments are upsetting you you have EVERY RIGHT to speak up and it is NOT FAIR of them to get angry at you like that, ESPECIALLY in regards to things that you can't really control such as your Anxiety. They also HAVE to respect your choices in regards to you being Vegan, as you need to respect theirs of course, so if you don't appreciate them eating meat when you're around certainly they can give that up at least on the days when they KNOW you'll visit them, right? My advice would be to REALLY, TRULY SIT DOWN WITH ALL OF THEM and talk to them about ALL of this although you've already done that. Sit down with them and make them understand that you find their Actions and Comments towards You UNRESPECTFUL! They HAVE to respect you if they want to Live peacefully with You. Make them understand that! Can I ask you what is your Sister's position in ALL OF THIS if she has one? Is she being supportive of You at least? I CERTAINLY HOPE SO! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING! If this behaviour from them continues, you may want to interrup communication with them and stop visiting them to make them understand that you're REALLY SERIOUS about this! There's no place for Toxic People in our Lives, whether they're relatives or not! PLEASE DO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE IMPORTANT, YOUR OPINIONS ARE IMPORTANT, YOU MATTER, YOUR OPINIONS MATTER, YOU'RE WORTH IT, YOUR OPINIONS ARE WORTH IT, YOU'RE WISE, YOUR OPINIONS ARE WISE, YOU'RE WONDERFUL AND YOUR OPINIONS ARE WONDERFUL! THAT'S ABSOLUTELY TRUE AND YOU KNOW THAT EVEN IF IT'S DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING! That is my opinion anyway. Please feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need ADVICE AND SUPPORT! I AM SURE PLENTY OF OTHERS WILL ALSO GLADLY HELP YOU OUT AS WELL IF YOU JUST ASK! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @3942, Your Parents, Your Sister, Your Family, Your Friend And ALL Of Your Loved Ones! PLEASE DO KEEP FIGHTING AND PLEASE DO KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF! PLEASE DO KEEP FIGHTING AND PLEASE DO KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN, MY AWESOME, BEAUTIFUL, CARING, DEAR, GENEROUS, KIND, SWEET, WISE AND WONDERFUL FRIEND!

I don't have enough information to say whether or not your parents are abusive. Some people are just sour and that by itself can feel like abuse, if you ask me.

I love your attitude about animals. I agree. It hurts me when people say they feel bad for cows, sheep, and chickens, but that fishing is okay. Why is it okay to hurt or kill fish? It isn't, that's the thing.

Welcome to PC.

I am sorry you are going through this, and I do not know if its abusive but does it matter if it has an "official" title? It upsets you and hurts you. Talk to your support worker, maybe they can set up a session where you can talk to your parents in a controlled setting.

I second this suggestion.