[SDAlex]

Hey everyone! I'm new to this place and reason for joining is to find answers regarding interpersonal relationships from my past that, I'm suspecting, are still affecting me to this day.


9 years ago I met someone whom I got very close to and found out some troubling things from their past.

Possible trigger:

They were molested as a young child until they were a young teenager; abused by their parent and step-parent; between a custody battle; lost a brother in Iraq;

dealing with depression and trichotillomania and intense sense of worthlessness.

I'm talking about her issues out of retrospect but I was 19 and given I was the only person she ever told me

Possible trigger:

that she was molested

made me feel special, like I could save her or something to that context.


to cut to the chase, the relationship was turbulent. She fell in love with someone else and that was it. We had a huge falling out and I cut her out of my life permanently


I'm happily with someone else and I don't regret it. However, during the past relationship I felt her trauma seep through me and It has changed my views on the world. I was told by colleague that it was a sign that I really cared about her and her well being.


I didn't really know what I was going through until I read up something called Vicarious Trauma, in which mental health care providers pretty much absorb patients trauma and it can have negative lasting impact on them.


I never really read about people who weren't first responders or mental health care professionals who were experiencing symptoms.


Has anyone experience secondary or vicarious trauma as a regular person? I just need to know so I can finally get treated.

[Skeezyks]

Hello SDAlex: I cannot be of help with regard to your concern. However I noticed this is your first post, here on PC, & you had yet to be greeted. So... welcome to Psych Central.

Here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subjects of vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue, & dealing with painful emotions:

What is Vicarious Trauma?

Vicarious Trauma: How Much More Can We Take?

Compassion Fatigue: When Counselors and Other Helpers Don't Make Time for Self-Care

How to Sit with Painful Emotions

Several Ways to Sit with Your Feelings

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...-with-sadness/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/culti...nful-emotions/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[SDAlex]

Thank you so much for the introduction! I do apologize for the late reply, life tends to get me caught up.


This is very useful. I was reading something about secondary trauma that could be affecting me instead of vicarious but it all seems the same to me, only with different quirks.