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blueparakeet78
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Default Dec 09, 2020 at 08:23 PM
  #1
I just wanted some feedback because I feel like I have something not right with my mental state but I don't know what it could be called.

Example one
Decisions that are made that affect something I care deeply about cause me a lot of grief if they don't go as I expect them to. For example say the government was considering passing a law that by passes environmental laws and allowed them to construct factories beside waterway in the area and dump pollutants into it. I'm an avid outdoor person and hiker and care deeply about the environment. So an issue such as this will occupy my thoughts a lot, almost like rumination. And I get very depressed and worry about the outcome of the decision. But then if the decision passes either way, then some relief will be felt in the sense , some closure was obtained and I can stop worrying about it. Although I'll still feel somewhat bad if the decision doesn't go as expected (government decides to pass the law and construct the factories) But until the time of the actual decision or closure, I just worry so much and think about it a lot and lose sleep over it.

Example two
When something bad happens like say a loved one got really sick all of a sudden while you were with them and it was like an emergency, I get really emotional, sad, worry, panic. Like everything about my reaction is amplified, whereas other people around me will be more calm and in control. The other day it happened and I was aware of it this time and mentally tried to overcome it and brought myself to a more controlled and calm state. I also get really anxious, nervous and heart racing when forced to go outside my comfort level in certain social situations. If someone falsely accused me of something, inside I get really nervous, adrenaline skyrockets and I react in a hyper kind of way. It happened once and the other person probably was afraid I was going to attack them, but of course I'm not the type of person that would consider attacking anyone - in their eyes I appeared to be hostile, but to me it wasn't so I was just hyper in my reaction because the accusation was so unbelievable and caused me such distress.

Example three
I work in a toxic work environment with extremely poor manager. This manager doesn't really assign tasks directly or give feedback or guidance to some workers like myself. I don't know if I'm doing a good job or not or what is expected so it causes me to worry a lot and it consumes some thought of mine even when I'm not at work. This manager expects everyone to basically just self manage themselves and do their work. I have observed favoritism and the constant assignment of work to certain coworkers, causing them to become more expert in the field, as well as attention to them and caring about their progress and advancement to the neglect of myself and a few others. I don't seem to be a priority for those assigned tasks and have even been excluded from meetings in the past etc. I get frustrated by all this, at time feeling neglected, or worry about if I'm doing a good job. I almost feel like it could even be workplace bullying, or a type of exclusion tactic to keep me down. Or even sabotage my performance so they have an excuse to lay me off in the future. There is no outlet at work to talk to about these things, because if I did it would be disastrous.. Or worse that there is something mentally wrong with me and I that I'm delusional.. This work environment is making me question my mental sanity and its gotten to the point where I had to reach out on this forum. If I think logically at everything I've observed happen over the years I know deep down that I am right about the wrong things that are happening but I get this almost sick feeling inside about it because it causes me worry and depression and again makes me question myself.

Overall sometimes it takes me a long time to get over things that other people just brush off as nothing. They seem to be able to move on with their lives more easily than me and not worry so much. I tend to lose sleep a lot over things. (only during the time when the thing of worry is happening, other times then things are normal I sleep fine) It doesn't happen all the time, only during times of great concern over things that affect me personally or deeply.

The only time I felt like a carefree person was when I was taking 5-HTP that a naturopathic doctor prescribes to me when I was facing anxiety during a time in my life. Wow I felt so carefree and normal - nothing really phased me like it does now. Maybe I'm the type of person who has low serotonin or something.

Now especially more than ever it is hard to just brush things off because of the amount of time we are spending at home, isolated and not doing the usual activities that would help distract our minds from the problems we face daily.
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Default Dec 10, 2020 at 05:29 AM
  #2
IMO when we are in a toxic or stressful (more stress than we are used to/can cope with--IMO we all have different thresh holds due to our temperament and experiences) environment for a long time, it can cause us to develop anxiety disorders. I am not a doctor and am not diagnosing you but when you said, " I get really nervous, adrenaline skyrockets and I react in a hyper kind of way." that sounds like anxiety (our innate fight or flight tendencies gone amuck). I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder--conditions I did not have when I was younger but developed later due to the stress and curveballs that life throws at us all. I have noticed that many people (including some who are no longer with us) in my family have anxiety so I assume I had a predisposition but wasn't anxious when I was younger because my childhood was stable/a healthy environment. From what I have read, anxiety disorders are fairly common and treatable--you might want to consider reaching out to a healthcare provider about this.
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blueparakeet78
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Default Dec 10, 2020 at 10:27 AM
  #3
Well I definitely have anxiety, I probably developed it as a child due to the stress of constant bullying. I must have developed an unnatural fight or flight response.
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Default Dec 10, 2020 at 02:11 PM
  #4
Find a better Job, get away from those kind of people. Don't use Environmental issues to make your self feel bad and be angry.

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Default Dec 10, 2020 at 02:33 PM
  #5
Well, i don't think AnyThing of what You've mentioned is particularly bizzarre. Some People are more prone to anxiety And stress Than Others. However, if these things are stressing You out too badly, i'd reccomend seeing a therapist if You aren't AlReady. SEnding Many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @blueparakeet78, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?
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Default Dec 10, 2020 at 02:37 PM
  #6
I think the environmental issues are triggering because we can’t do anything about them as individuals (and what some big companies do just doesn’t make sense and often feels like they’re flipping us the bird just because they can).
The toxic work environment will take its toll on most people, even without preexisting anxiety, and it won’t affect everyone in the same way. I’m not going to diagnose you either but I will say it sounds like some kind of anxiety and you’re just getting overwhelmed right now.
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blueparakeet78
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Default Dec 10, 2020 at 03:55 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
I think the environmental issues are triggering because we can’t do anything about them as individuals (and what some big companies do just doesn’t make sense and often feels like they’re flipping us the bird just because they can).
The toxic work environment will take its toll on most people, even without preexisting anxiety, and it won’t affect everyone in the same way. I’m not going to diagnose you either but I will say it sounds like some kind of anxiety and you’re just getting overwhelmed right now.
I think that's it exactly with the environment, I feel powerless to do anything because I'm only one person and I wish that I could.

Also thanks everyone for feedback and support, I wasn't exactly looking for a diagnosis and know for that I should see a professional. I think I just posted because I was being overwhelmed and also maybe wanted some reassurance that my reactions weren't necessarily an indication that something is wrong with my mind, but just a side effect of the ongoing stress on me
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