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Mountaindewed
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Default Jan 09, 2021 at 02:07 PM
  #1
I don’t usually get angry at people but when I do I can get really pissed. And when I get mad people sometimes half smile and laugh. I don’t get it. My therapist did this when I last got mad at her. My mom can do it too.

Can someone explain this?

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Default Jan 09, 2021 at 02:41 PM
  #2
They are uncomfortable?
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Default Jan 09, 2021 at 03:00 PM
  #3
It is self protection.

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How come when you yell at someone they will sometimes smile/laugh?

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Default Jan 09, 2021 at 03:18 PM
  #4
I feel some of these people actually think it’s funny that they got to you. I’ve experienced this myself, from school bullies mostly. I’m not saying it’s the only explanation, it’s just the only times I’ve seen it for myself it was someone looking for a reaction.
In the case of your therapist, it’s more likely she might be uncomfortable rather than satisfied she managed to goad you into reacting.
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Default Jan 09, 2021 at 03:56 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I don’t usually get angry at people but when I do I can get really pissed. And when I get mad people sometimes half smile and laugh. I don’t get it. My therapist did this when I last got mad at her. My mom can do it too.

Can someone explain this?
I admit in my life off the computer when people yell at me I do smile and laugh. for you see...

number 1..when someone is angry and lashing out by yelling and aggression their body language, facial expressions and tone of voice can actually be quite funny like a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum over a toy. as parents know its actually quite hard to keep a straight face when a child is throwing a temper tantrum, and so in adults seeing this childish behavior can be quite funny.

number 2 .. in this past decade theres been a huge amount of teaching and training on how to handle aggressive behaviors, from school bullies, to unsafe situations, parenting and so forth. one of those factors is teaching adults and children to talk not yell and diffuse an aggressive situation or just smile and walk away. dont get hooked into debating or discussing with an aggressive person. just smile and walk away.

number 3 reason why I smile / laugh/ walk away is because I know that when someone is yelling at me its a reflection on them not me, its their being triggered, their being angry, their having a bad day, or they just are not a very nice person and I choose not to engage in the art of taking care of someone elses triggers, anger, bad day. So I smile sometimes laugh and walk away. theres more to life then engaging in the behaviors of an aggressive person.

number 4...I prefer to spend my quality and quantity of time on someone being kind and caring and knows how to discuss with out aggressive tactics like yelling.

and number 5.. I have learned to just smile, laugh and walk away for their yelling is a reflection on them and what kind of person they are, its not a reflection on or about me.
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Default Jan 09, 2021 at 04:04 PM
  #6
Yes, and there's also the possibility that they don't actually see you as a very threatening person when angry too. I've had that reaction to some of my angry (hurt) challenges of people. It makes me think I'm not making much of an impact.

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Default Jan 09, 2021 at 05:32 PM
  #7
These sound like they should be the LAST 2 people in your life that you should have to yell at. Altho im not sure why anybody has to yell at anybody else, except to get out of the way a bus is coming at you. Arent these the 2 people you talk to most?

Being open about your feelings doesnt mean you have to aggressively express them. Or if somebody is tickling you or otherwise is putting hands on you, then yeah yell. Maybe they are signaling that the amplitude of the emotion you are expressing doesnt fit the situation as they see it, like, "why are you yelling about this, just ASK." But sometimes when people say that, the yeller gets madder.

I think its like when couples fight about money - its not about the money. Similarly, the yelling is emotion about something else, not the current subject.
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Default Jan 09, 2021 at 05:43 PM
  #8
My therapist was pushing me really really hard. And she wasn’t backing down when she could tell I was getting very visibly upset. That’s why I yelled.

My mom, I don’t know. But I mentioned in the bipolar thread that she missed a lot of my symptoms when I was a kid. And I feel like if I had gotten help back then things would be a lot different now. I guess? I just kind of blame her sometimes and I can lose my patience.

I’m sorry you feel that way unaluna. But some people just suck the life out of you until you can’t take it anymore.

Please don’t use it against me that I can’t block you from my posts.

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Default Jan 09, 2021 at 05:59 PM
  #9
MD, no, i always do misunderstand the situation the first time you describe it.

From what you say, it sounds like they just want to win the argument. For the t, then, yelling is probably the rightish response. The point is for you to feel secure about what you are feeling, maybe not necessarily to convince the other person. Cuz i think, the closer you get, the farther apart it can feel.

As for mother - i cant even go there. My relationship w my mother was horrid. She wanted somebody else for a kid - just not me!

ETA - AND i am sorry, i didnt mean to sound snarky, like about the tickling. That was a real problem when i was growing up, i had no power to stop it.

Last edited by unaluna; Jan 09, 2021 at 06:15 PM..
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Default Jan 10, 2021 at 11:53 AM
  #10
Perhaps they don't take you seriously? i am not sure. if this bothers you, though, i'd suggest to tell them that you find this behavior annoying when you're being serious, so that they will Hopefully understand and try to restrain themselves a bit at least. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Mountaindewed, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Jan 10, 2021 at 01:22 PM
  #11
I guess a 5’4 170 pound dude is not all that threatening. People can still be assholes though. It’s not always just a one way thing.

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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 01:28 PM
  #12
what are you yelling at? it can be funny if someone thinks it not serious and want to show the only quick way to say "Im sorry can you talk about it" Im sure if you talk about it you'll get a better respond.And might get rid of how p****** you are feeling at that time.

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How come when you yell at someone they will sometimes smile/laugh?

How come when you yell at someone they will sometimes smile/laugh?
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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 02:01 PM
  #13
Because some people are a--holes, and they love to push people's buttons and get a reaction. More charitably I suppose some people might appreciate your passion, be glad to see you've got a little fire in your belly as they say.

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Default Feb 14, 2021 at 02:22 PM
  #14
Luckily I rarely experience this, but when people get angry with me for an in my opinion ridiculous reason, I start to laugh. I can't help it. I guess I laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. I don't always understand why people get angry and people look silly when angry.
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Default Feb 22, 2021 at 06:10 AM
  #15
I am one of the people who do this. My reason is I am not belittling the person who yelled at me. When I do this, I am in the situation where I am wrong and they keep pointing my flaws over and over, ignoring the fact that I deeply regret about my mistakes. That makes me have no idea what to respond anymore. Deep inside I am very uncomfortable, like "I know that I am wrong but I have learned my mistakes and you don't have to be arrogantly rude to me". I want to yell back and smack their faces, but I know I'd get in the trouble by doing so. So smiling is the best way to fake it. Sometimes it is mixed with nervousness and trying to hide my fear too. So yeah, it is like what ThunderBow said.

But it is also possible like what's others said, maybe they are belittling you. I never done that though.
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