[Mountaindewed]

I don’t really like it. People who say it to women who have had miscarriages or the other loss of someone can go suck it. But sometimes the saying does work out. We put an offer into the first house we saw. We didn’t get the house but we ended up getting a great even better house.

I think it’s a tough line to cross though.

[Marie123]

I think of it as a bumper sticker saying; really doesn't mean anything.

[AliceKate]

I think that phrase wasn't meant to be in my actively used set of phrases ^^

[Skeezyks]

To me "it wasn't meant to be" is pointless because it suggests there is some higher power that's picking and choosing what will happen in any given person's life. I don't believe there is any "higher power". Human beings are simply another species that evolved on earth. Whatever does, or doesn't, happen is merely the outcome of previous actions mixed in with a healthy dose of chance.

Another similar phrase is when people survive some sort of accident such as a car or plane crash and they say something to the effect: "God was with me." To my mind what this suggests is this "god" just didn't give a damn about all of the others who were seriously injured, or who died.

[mote.of.soul]

I think people say that to try to console someone when there isn't any ready answer to give them. Because people need to know why misfortune has befallen them. 'Why, oh, why did this happen to me??? Tell me!!' There are a number of things people might tell the person under those circumstances including the old 'it wasn't meant to be.' It's probably a very old phrase, been around for a very long time.

[RoxanneToto]

Yeah, I can see it being said when others really feel like they can’t say anything else. It’s natural to want to assign meaning to things that happen (because acknowledging that there’s no reason behind any event, even good ones, is scary for us. We like to make order of chaos). I see it as a throwaway type comment, it can be comforting in the right context though.

[ReveuseTroublee]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I don’t really like it. People who say it to women who have had miscarriages or the other loss of someone can go suck it. But sometimes the saying does work out. We put an offer into the first house we saw. We didn’t get the house but we ended up getting a great even better house.

I think it’s a tough line to cross though.

You can say that in silence to yourself but towards other people - like in these examples I find it offensive and hurtful.
It sounds like you were not supposed to be a mother (yet) and that can be very hurtful, especially when something that is tied to so many emotions I am against using this phrase. It leaves a lot of room for interpretation and use, can be used as a cover-up for other hurtful things you would like to say or be used not to connect to it at all.
Other than that it can also be used for instead of 'everything has a meaning' - which you of course would be more careful to use.
To me, whenever I used this phrase to comfort myself it was because something went wrong and I wanted to tell myself maybe it is not supposed to be - more as a cover up for I don't deserve it and things are not going to change and it happened again... Basically when saying goodbye to things that are meaningful to me. That statement never helped me and I doubt it ever truly helped anyone.
Because it is trying to give you the feeling you just have to move on, your emotions aren't allowed or unnecessary.

[MickeyCheeky]

i think it can be helpful to support some people. However it may not always be the best choice and i am So Sorry for anyone that was hurt by it! Please do not give up. Strive for your best. Sending Hugs And Love. Sending many safe, warm hugs to ALL of you, @Mountaindewed, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Breaking Dawn]

I have said this phrase to myself & it has comforted me. I guess it depends on the person, & we are all different.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I use this phrase/idea with myself all the time, and I find it helps me keep things in perspective. Usually it is about something that is honestly not that big a deal in the scheme of things, and putting it in perspective and just accepting that things worked about differently rather than stewing about it in disappointment, allows me to let some things go and move forward. Note: it is not a phrase I say to other people, but for me personally, it can help me move on.

[poshgirl]

It's a phrase that can be used by people who can't find the right words to comfort someone. We're not all adept at doing this, especially if their news is a shock.

There's also spiritual beliefs to consider. A friend once said to me "you can make things happen if you really try". It wasn't meant to be attached to events where you knew what you wanted would never, ever happen (example, wanting to be with someone you knew you couldn't have).

As for God's will, that's down to an individual's religious beliefs. Sorry to be so blunt, but if you survive a plane crash it could be as simple as where you were sitting, rather than being part of some greater plan. Just my view!

I like the saying. It eases my mind when I'm disappointed that something didn't work out. But yeah I hear you, saying something like this in the face of miscarriage is very trite and ignorant. Sometimes people don't know what to say in those circumstances, so they just try saying *something* supportive, and fall flat.