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MrsA
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Default Jun 20, 2021 at 07:35 PM
  #1
Hi. I am wondering is a contacting a social worker might help with my situation but I am afraid to get the county involved because the person I live with will just lie. I think I will probably get the blame for things she did since it would be mostly my word against hers.

It's hard to explain concisely, but I have been living with an adult that I believe has more than one mental illness. She lives in complete squalor, piling trash on the floor and kitchen counters to avoid walking a few feet to a waste basket. Her bedroom is piled with so many years worth of trash and dirty laundry that it is infested with mice and she hasn't been able to reach her closet for over a decade.

I do my best to keep the rest of the house clean, but it has gotten harder and harder to keep up because she just throws things on the floor after she has used them and they get soiled with all sorts of gross substances. When she gets packages, she throws the boxes on the floor and loses her temper every day while tripping over empty boxes. I know she has money anxiety disorder on top of it all because she gets into rages about money. She works on the computer while her trash and leftover food pile up around her. She refuses to do anything that can't be done from a computer other than getting food from the kitchen. After leaving a mess long enough, she becomes convinced that I made the mess and she calls me a liar/hypocrite/narcissist if I try to get her to pick it up.

Lately, the mice from her bedroom have been spreading to the kitchen and I have to spend so much time keeping the kitchen clean that I can't clean the parts of the house where I work. All my tools and work supplies are soiled by mice. No matter how many mice I kill, I can't exterminate the ones that hide in her bedroom and keep having babies in her inaccessible closet (I tossed some mouse poison in there a few days ago). I can't do my own job until I get my workspace clean, but if I pressure her to help clean the house or clean her room, she threatens to leave me to starve because she makes more money than I do right now.

One of the times she threatened me was when I tried to get her to pick up used sanitary napkins that she piled against the bathroom wall. I recently had to pick up another big pile of it myself. She will fill up a wastebasket and then start leaning the stuff against the wall because she thinks it counts as "in the trash" so long as the pile does not touch the floor. Then once it spills over to the floor, she stops trying to maintain the pile and just starts throwing the used stuff on the floor or making new trash piles around the bathroom. I can only persuade her to take out her feminine hygiene trash 1-2 times a year even though I remind her to do it nearly every week. She gets mad that I tell her to do it and leaves it deliberately to show me who's boss.

So I was wondering if contacting a social worker could force her to clean up after herself or force her to get a mental health assessment without the sordid details of our personal lives getting into public court records? I'm afraid my sister will just lie and say the mess in the house is my fault and no one will believe me.

My sister is good at acting like a nice person among friends and acquaintances, but in private she has a violent temper and yells and cusses while doing ordinary tasks. She followed our parents' example in telling people I am crazy and stupid so I don't have confidence that a social worker will believe me if my sister lies and says I made the house dirty. The only proof I have is that my bedroom is clean while hers is filled with mouse poop. The house is so dirty that I am now keeping my toothbrush in my room, even though I an actively cleaning the rest of it every day.

So what would happen if I tried to get a social worker to force my sister to get mental health evaluation and treatment? Will this matter remain confidential? I am afraid to get the county involved because I am so behind on housework and yardwork that I know there are things not up to code and no one will believe that I try to do it all by myself. I co-own the property and can't afford to live elsewhere. I believe what my sister has is ADHD because she has always been clumsy, reckless, and impulsive in addition to the issues with cleaning/hygiene and a very bad temper. Can someone explain if social workers handle this sort of proiblem and what would happen?
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Default Jun 20, 2021 at 08:17 PM
  #2
When I think more about it, I really can't afford to make her angry right now. She maxed out my credit cards back when I thought she was trustworthy. Some equipment I need to earn a living are in her control (shut in her bedroom) and I don't have money to buy new ones for myself. So until I can get my own income outside the family business, I can't risk making her angry. I've been applying for other jobs for years without any success. So I guess I'm stuck living with a crazy dirty person until I die.
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Default Jun 20, 2021 at 09:25 PM
  #3
Or until a neighbor calls the city to complain about the mice proliferating there.

You can google your city governments website to get info.
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Default Jun 21, 2021 at 07:52 AM
  #4
So Sorry you have to put up with this! Please do not give up! i agree with the wise and wonderful unaluna about googling your city government's website if that can Help. Perrhaps you can ask a social worker to keep the matter private if that is possible if that is what you truly wish. i think finding a job and getting indipendent of her may be a good idea. i am not sure if living in such conditions is even legal to be Honest. You may both get into trouble if someone finds out? i am not sure about that and i don't want to scare you but regardless i think it may be necessary to do something about it. Just try to call anyone whom may Help. Is your Family available? Any Friends you trust? Please do stay Safe. Are you doing ok? Need any support? i am here and Hopefully many others as Well. Hopefully things will improve really soon for everyone. Sorry if this post wasn't really Helpful. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @MrsA, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fightring and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Last edited by MickeyCheeky; Jun 21, 2021 at 10:22 AM.. Reason: originally sent at 14.51; capital S in Safe in second to last sentence, conditions instead of condiytions and other things i don't remember
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Default Jun 22, 2021 at 04:46 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsA View Post
Hi. I am wondering is a contacting a social worker might help with my situation but I am afraid to get the county involved because the person I live with will just lie. I think I will probably get the blame for things she did since it would be mostly my word against hers.

It's hard to explain concisely, but I have been living with an adult that I believe has more than one mental illness. She lives in complete squalor, piling trash on the floor and kitchen counters to avoid walking a few feet to a waste basket. Her bedroom is piled with so many years worth of trash and dirty laundry that it is infested with mice and she hasn't been able to reach her closet for over a decade.

I do my best to keep the rest of the house clean, but it has gotten harder and harder to keep up because she just throws things on the floor after she has used them and they get soiled with all sorts of gross substances. When she gets packages, she throws the boxes on the floor and loses her temper every day while tripping over empty boxes. I know she has money anxiety disorder on top of it all because she gets into rages about money. She works on the computer while her trash and leftover food pile up around her. She refuses to do anything that can't be done from a computer other than getting food from the kitchen. After leaving a mess long enough, she becomes convinced that I made the mess and she calls me a liar/hypocrite/narcissist if I try to get her to pick it up.

Lately, the mice from her bedroom have been spreading to the kitchen and I have to spend so much time keeping the kitchen clean that I can't clean the parts of the house where I work. All my tools and work supplies are soiled by mice. No matter how many mice I kill, I can't exterminate the ones that hide in her bedroom and keep having babies in her inaccessible closet (I tossed some mouse poison in there a few days ago). I can't do my own job until I get my workspace clean, but if I pressure her to help clean the house or clean her room, she threatens to leave me to starve because she makes more money than I do right now.

One of the times she threatened me was when I tried to get her to pick up used sanitary napkins that she piled against the bathroom wall. I recently had to pick up another big pile of it myself. She will fill up a wastebasket and then start leaning the stuff against the wall because she thinks it counts as "in the trash" so long as the pile does not touch the floor. Then once it spills over to the floor, she stops trying to maintain the pile and just starts throwing the used stuff on the floor or making new trash piles around the bathroom. I can only persuade her to take out her feminine hygiene trash 1-2 times a year even though I remind her to do it nearly every week. She gets mad that I tell her to do it and leaves it deliberately to show me who's boss.

So I was wondering if contacting a social worker could force her to clean up after herself or force her to get a mental health assessment without the sordid details of our personal lives getting into public court records? I'm afraid my sister will just lie and say the mess in the house is my fault and no one will believe me.

My sister is good at acting like a nice person among friends and acquaintances, but in private she has a violent temper and yells and cusses while doing ordinary tasks. She followed our parents' example in telling people I am crazy and stupid so I don't have confidence that a social worker will believe me if my sister lies and says I made the house dirty. The only proof I have is that my bedroom is clean while hers is filled with mouse poop. The house is so dirty that I am now keeping my toothbrush in my room, even though I an actively cleaning the rest of it every day.

So what would happen if I tried to get a social worker to force my sister to get mental health evaluation and treatment? Will this matter remain confidential? I am afraid to get the county involved because I am so behind on housework and yardwork that I know there are things not up to code and no one will believe that I try to do it all by myself. I co-own the property and can't afford to live elsewhere. I believe what my sister has is ADHD because she has always been clumsy, reckless, and impulsive in addition to the issues with cleaning/hygiene and a very bad temper. Can someone explain if social workers handle this sort of proiblem and what would happen?
hate to say this but contacting a social worker is not going to force her to clean how you want her to clean up after herself.

since you have posted about this many times before maybe its time for you to move into a place all your own.

reason I suggest that is because theres no way to force someone to do things they dont want to do, not even by calling social workers. all social workers are going to do is....

ask you if you are in danger (if so they can dispatch 911 services to remove you from the situation and take appropriate action against what ever violence the situation contains. by your post theres no violence happening shes just not washing her dishes and cleaning up her own things)

they will ask you if you are your sisters court appointed lawyer, if not they will tell you they cant do anything unless your sister calls them for help herself.

steps you can take....

you can enter therapy for yourself to learn how to handle living with your sister the way she is

you can move out to a home of your own.

you can continue living in the home and finding ways that work for you to stay there while your sister is the way she is.

my own personal preference if I was in this situation was enter therapy for myself, save my money and rent a one bedroom place where the sister does not live.

each of us has to make decisions for ourselves, we cant control what others do. good luck.
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Default Jun 25, 2021 at 02:18 PM
  #6
Not sure is letting the county health department know. Sometimes they will give a specified length of time for the home to be cleaned up by the people living there before they take action. I don't know exactly how it works but you might check with them because the mice situation is a health hazard

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Default Aug 12, 2021 at 09:06 AM
  #7
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Originally Posted by MrsA View Post
When I think more about it, I really can't afford to make her angry right now. She maxed out my credit cards back when I thought she was trustworthy. Some equipment I need to earn a living are in her control (shut in her bedroom) and I don't have money to buy new ones for myself. So until I can get my own income outside the family business, I can't risk making her angry. I've been applying for other jobs for years without any success. So I guess I'm stuck living with a crazy dirty person until I die.
What you are describing is abuse which can be reported to a hotline where by law it has to be investigated by DHS ( it's call DHS where I live).
Nothing your sister says about you matters in an investigation. Ditto for you. Evidence is examined, not hearsay. I report for kids but I don't know if the number is the same for adults. I believe there's also a hotline to report seniors needing help because of poor living condition. Your local police are a good resource and everyone is discreet.

Best of luck!!

WW

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Default Aug 12, 2021 at 12:56 PM
  #8
Try APS, Adult Protective Services. I couldn't find a national hotline, but APS is everywhere so just Google it for the state and county you live in.

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Default Aug 13, 2021 at 07:36 AM
  #9
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Not sure is letting the county health department know. Sometimes they will give a specified length of time for the home to be cleaned up by the people living there before they take action. I don't know exactly how it works but you might check with them because the mice situation is a health hazard

I know every location is different, but that happened with a neighbor where I used to live. She didn't clean her house (think used dishes piling up for weeks) and accumulated all sorts of junk in the yard. There were not only mice but rats too. After several complaints from the neighbors on each side of her, the municipal health department came and did an extermination.

It can't hurt to call your local health department and ask. If not, could you call an exterminator yourself? I agree with a previous commenter that if at all possible you should consider moving.


I wonder if it has happened again with that woman. Before we moved away from there, she had moved her boyfriend in and he made a living collecting recyclables and things people had discarded to resell. Before we left, things were piling up again.
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Default Sep 27, 2021 at 06:38 AM
  #10
You can google your city governments website to get info.
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