Is this considered gaslighting?

Mountaindewed · Sep 12, 2021 at 06:38 PM

When someone agrees with you but repeats your answer back and then says it in a slightly different way then the way you said it.

My therapist does this and it confuses me because I think to myself “didn’t I just say that same thing?” I don’t think she’s intentionally gaslighting me. I just think she doesn’t understand what I’m going through.

My mom did the same thing the other day but it was completely unintentional. I called her out on it and she said it does sound like a weird thing to do.

I often think the term gaslight is overused way too much. So I’m just wondering if this is considered it or not.

Sometimes psychotic · Sep 12, 2021 at 06:57 PM

I don’t think it is....this is an attempt at understanding you by rephrasing what you just said.

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annoyedgrunt84 · Sep 12, 2021 at 11:50 PM

I did want to say that I agree with your statement about gaslighting being overused, I also think that triggered is another obvious example, people who are not psychologists have gotten ahold of these terms and used them in a much broader sense than they were ever used intended.

RoxanneToto · Sep 13, 2021 at 12:08 AM

Gaslighting is an attempt to make a person question reality, while denying doing so (e.g. rearranging objects in a room before the other person comes back in, but pretending nothing happened if the person is confused) if questioned.
I agree it’s overused, especially because the use of gaslighting is malicious and can have long lasting psychological consequences for the victims. Not something to be downplayed.

ArtleyWilkins · Sep 13, 2021 at 11:36 AM

A therapist will often say back to you what they think they heard in order to be sure they are understanding. It is your opportunity to dialogue with them about the accuracy about a) how you are communicating, and b) how they are understanding.

That isn't gaslighting. That is reflective listening.

Mountaindewed · Sep 13, 2021 at 02:35 PM

Thanks for the clarification everyone. People on my Facebook use it so much I just didn’t know or not.

Mountaindewed · Sep 13, 2021 at 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

Gaslighting is an attempt to make a person question reality, while denying doing so (e.g. rearranging objects in a room before the other person comes back in, but pretending nothing happened if the person is confused) if questioned.
I agree it’s overused, especially because the use of gaslighting is malicious and can have long lasting psychological consequences for the victims. Not something to be downplayed.

The funny thing is my therapist did actually rearrange the furniture in her office since I was there last and she didn’t say anything about it when I walked in. But I just asked her why she moved things around and she had a valid answer. Something about an ADL or ADA client. Not sure what that is but it seemed legit.

out the window · Oct 08, 2021 at 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Thanks for the clarification everyone. People on my Facebook use it so much I just didn’t know or not.

Gaslight isn't the only word to have fallen into over use lately. Triggered, safe space, violence, these are all examples of words that have been jammed into watered down definitions that have all but robbed them of their original meanings. It was an effort to make relatively small things seem bigger and more important than they were, but the result has been to make serious things seem like no big deal.

It makes communication difficult b/c when you're trying to explain you got TRIGGERED, ie induced into a panic episode, and the person hears triggered, ie got a little upset, you're already not having the same conversation. And trying to clarify your meaning is just more stress.

SprinkL3 · Oct 18, 2021 at 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

When someone agrees with you but repeats your answer back and then says it in a slightly different way then the way you said it.

My therapist does this and it confuses me because I think to myself “didn’t I just say that same thing?” I don’t think she’s intentionally gaslighting me. I just think she doesn’t understand what I’m going through.

My mom did the same thing the other day but it was completely unintentional. I called her out on it and she said it does sound like a weird thing to do.

I often think the term gaslight is overused way too much. So I’m just wondering if this is considered it or not.

Your therapist is using a classic Rogerian method. They will often use the phrase, "It sounds like..." followed by their interpretation of what they believe they heard from you. It's a less judgmental way of communicating with active listening involved. It's not meant to gaslight at all, though it may come off that way if what they are saying is incorrect or rephrased in a condescending, patronizing, or hostile manner.

It would be good for your to bring this up with your therapist. You can say to your therapist something like, "In our last session, I noticed that you would say ___ when I said ____. To me, it sounded like gaslighting because ____. But I don't want to misjudge you, so can you explain what that is and how that's supposed to help me in session?" -Or something to that effect.

Hope you get things patched up with your T.

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Sometimes psychotic Legendary Wise Elder Member Since May 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 26,409 (SuperPoster!) 10 22.8k hugs given	Sep 12, 2021 at 06:57 PM #2 I don’t think it is....this is an attempt at understanding you by rephrasing what you just said. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs!
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ArtleyWilkins Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: USA Posts: 2,787 5 7 hugs given	Sep 13, 2021 at 11:36 AM #5 A therapist will often say back to you what they think they heard in order to be sure they are understanding. It is your opportunity to dialogue with them about the accuracy about a) how you are communicating, and b) how they are understanding. That isn't gaslighting. That is reflective listening.
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,120 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,737 hugs given	Sep 13, 2021 at 02:35 PM #6 Thanks for the clarification everyone. People on my Facebook use it so much I just didn’t know or not. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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