Will I ever find love?

I've been married 3x but only one said he loved me but even he was ready to divorce. Never fought for the marriage like the other two. I'm sick of dating. I want to find my soulmate lasting love. I've been single more than married all my 30s I was single over half my 40s. I'm doing well but I want someone.

Ditto@"I want someone"

Ive read that in the US, married men are the happiest, followed by single women, then married women, then single men.

Why do you want to lose a level of happiness, just to let some poor schmuck rise 3 levels? That will be on your back, you know. You think the forum members yell at you for how you spend your money? Wait til it becomes "ours". The good ones are all taken. Even a lot of bad ones are taken. So what's left?

Have you seen the videos or shows about all the women (and men) who get catfished? Desperate for love.

Please be careful.

On the other hand, there surely must be some good men out there who have been wronged by their unfortunate choices & are wishing to be loved by someone who would need & appreciate them?

Aviza you deserve love

Lol....I will pass afterv33 years in a bad marriage. I love my alone life with my animals....no stupid person to mess up my life. Independent is great. I can come & go on my schedule except for my awesome critters I have. The heart connect I have with them is better than anything I had with my ex. I am busy & enjoy doing what I like to do, eat the foods I like to eat....life is so good, I would never even look for someone else to come into my life. Too busy to be lonley

"No stupid (people) to mess up my life" My feelings exactly!

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna "No stupid (people) to mess up my life" My feelings exactly!

Lol.....I knew I wasn't the only one who felt this way

This one hit me like a ton of bricks.it is SO true. I’ve been wronged by “ my unfortunate choice” basically my whole life. I’ve been wishing to be loved and appreciated my whole life. I keep hearing how many lonely women there are out there but finding them is the problem. Look at life. You usually meet someone when your young and get married in a blissful cloud. Then the kids come , the years go by and your marriage doesn’t have that spark it used to have. People change. Have different interests. The older you get the harder , I believe , it is to meet someone. It’s just a matter of circumstance. All of life is. In conclusion it seems to me that we just have to play the hand we’re dealt.

Wow, that seems like a really fatalist attitude. It's been quite a while where most people, at least in Western nations, have had many choices than just marry young and start popping out kids. If you felt like that is what you were supposed to and are not happy, that's your issue - you can choose to work on it or leave. But, don't paint all relationships with the same brush.

I know only a few people that married young. Most realized it was a mistake and separated before the age of 30.


An ex actually wanted to marry me when I was in my early 20s. There was no way I wanted to get tied down at such a young age. I later realized that he was one of those people that could not be alone. He married someone else 6 months later.

I didn't marry until my late 30s. We never had kids by choice. 13 years later I am still married and generally happy. There are always challenges, but we work on those. We truly have each others' back. We've been through many challenges, mental health struggles, unemployment, major political upheaval, earthquakes, some of the strictest COVID lockdowns in the world, but here we are.

@Aviza - I know quite a few people that found happy relationships later in life. Most seemed to meet people by getting out there and participating in activities they enjoyed rather than dating apps and sites.

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Originally Posted by rechu Wow, that seems like a really fatalist attitude. It's been quite a while where most people, at least in Western nations, have had many choices than just marry young and start popping out kids. If you felt like that is what you were supposed to and are not happy, that's your issue - you can choose to work on it or leave. But, don't paint all relationships with the same brush. I know only a few people that married young. Most realized it was a mistake and separated before the age of 30. An ex actually wanted to marry me when I was in my early 20s. There was no way I wanted to get tied down at such a young age. I later realized that he was one of those people that could not be alone. He married someone else 6 months later. I didn't marry until my late 30s. We never had kids by choice. 13 years later I am still married and generally happy. There are always challenges, but we work on those. We truly have each others' back. We've been through many challenges, mental health struggles, unemployment, major political upheaval, earthquakes, some of the strictest COVID lockdowns in the world, but here we are. @Aviza - I know quite a few people that found happy relationships later in life. Most seemed to meet people by getting out there and participating in activities they enjoyed rather than dating apps and sites.

Moodyblue didn't say all.....but used the word "usually"....that does not mean all. You look at the picture out there & even what aviza painted a picture of what rechu said was "usually". I know people also who have met someone in their later years & are now happily married. I also know those who are still married only because of the financial benefit from it. I also know many of us very independent women who have been married in bad marriages who would never consider getting married again or some as in ever. Seriously depends on your own personality & what one is willing to deal with & finding someone NEVER GUARANTEES they will be that soulmate one is looking for & wishful thinking won't make them into that. Some find the right person but many don't or the divorce rate wouldn't be what it is & after dealing with that personally, I am better off taking care of myself as I am still paying lawyers to fix the stupidity of the guy I was married to 15 years after I left. Some stupid leaves a lasting mark that even lawyers struggle to remove. Definitely not worth doing again with anyone else in some cases.

It is a realistic picture that many people don't bother looking at because they believe their wishful thinking will make anything good....reality doesn't work that way....but it doesn't stop most from keep trying

Since you didn't mention 50's as a past decade, I am assuming that you are maybe in your 50's?

I didn't find my husband until I was 47 and got married at 48. My mom kept telling me for years that she knows of older women who have met someone their age and are getting married - in their 60's and 70's. She even told me of someone who is in his seventies getting his doctorate.

I personally believe that if you really want to find someone to love long term, that you can and it's out there. You just have to put yourself in the right kinds of places for that to happen. Meetups, social groups, church, community events, through friends or family or on dating sites that are age appropriate.

I had always thought that if my husband and I were to divorce, that I would go on the over 50 dating sites. Those sites will attract the men who want someone their own age and not someone younger. So, there are those options too.

But, while you are single, I think it's important to focus on being happy as a single person. Happy people generally attract healthier partners.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be alone or not. I thought I knew so much about love.

I'm sorry you're struggling with grief over not currently having a romantic partner, Aviza. Those are valid and understandable feelings. I really really love what BreakingDawn had to say and I agree 100% with her.
In the meantime, Aviza, before you meet your true love, and I know I may have said this stuff before because it's something I'm passionate about, but what are the other forms of love in your life? There are many different types of love. Including self love - so be kind to yourself. You'll meet someone. I'd love to see you happy in the meantime

Woven, that is the sweetest meme!

(We can call anything a meme, right?)

Very helpful. Makes you realize how rich your life is. Esp when the addition of a "mean love" box can deprive you of family, friends, safety, calm, etc.

Woven.....that diagram (or meme) is exactly why I am happy living alone. Have so many of those boxes in my life on a daily basis now that I didn't have when I was married in a bad marriage

((((***hugggs***)))) Aviza, I get it. It's a perfectly natural thing, and most of us definitely yearn for a wonderful, romantic love in our lives.

Sadly, it is granted to so few.

But I do not want to discourage you or dishearten you. I met my husband at 38, after much heartache and pain inflicted by profoundly unworthy loves. I didn't want anything to do with another man, ever again. But that's when it "happens", they say.

My marriage is good, but not a storybook. There are days he drives me right up a wall. But, on balance, we really like one another. And although people I had considered good friends have abandoned me, he never has. We've grown closer through crisis after crisis. I would be a fool to count this as nothing.

I hope you find the love you want, and the love you need. Be smart about it. Don't be taken-in. And don't settle!

Do you realize how much of life is a result of circumstances?!! Some people call it luck. I mean , some things are obvious. So , we think that we know or don’t know what we’re doing but meanwhile………………Life is orchestrated chaos. Controlled mostly by things we have no control over.
It’s amazing. There was a time when love had nothing to do with marriage. People
were “assigned “ a mate based on the needs of the tribe. Then individualism snuck in and “ love” was created. It depends on the time , place , culture , etc , etc…………..
I’m sorry for going into my philosophical mode again but I truly believe in it.
Most people are too busy trying to survive to think of a macro view of life.

I'm 48 btw. I have love in my life just not that significant other. I look but don't find. I hate dating. I'm currently crushing on my much older insurance agent, but that'll pass.