I don’t even know what I am feeling.

I can’t put my thoughts and feelings into words so how could a therapist even help? I’ll stop you there, they can’t and I’m not worth it anyway. My life is so f—ked right now and I’m just tired. I DO NOT KNOW what I want so stop asking. No one really loves me I’m not the kind of person you fall in love with. I have no future, I’m tired of this ****.

I'm sorry you are suffering. It is heartbreaking.

Many of us were taught as children that we could only love ourselves if others loved us, namely our mothers and fathers. We were taught to withhold love from ourselves when our parents were mad at us or neglected us.

So we become kind of programmed to believe we can only love ourselves if we are loved by someone else.

But the truth is, we can try to love ourselves regardless of other people. I can try to say "no" to parental programming.

A lot of people think of themselves as bad human beings because they have negative traits or have failed to live up to certain ideals.

But good and bad are not like positions on a light switch with only two choices: on or off.

Good and bad form a range of values. People like Hitler and Stalin were responsible for the destruction of tens of millions of men, women and children. How many of us have caused the destructions of tens of millions of people, or millions, or hundreds of thousands, or tens of thousands and so on?

But we often treat ourselves as if our mistakes and negative traits make us totally bad and unlovable. This is because we do not see our mistakes and negative traits in perspective.

When someone tells me they are a bad person I always ask them: "OK, how bad are you? Have you caused the destruction of tens of millions of people through campaigns of genocide and forced starvation? No? Well then how bad are you really in the grand epic of life?

We don't have to be mean to ourselves when others fail to love us. We can be good to ourselves.

Sometimes a person will spend a lot of money on a date and go to an expensive restaurant and a movie. Yet the same person if they are without a date will stay at home and eat a microwave dinner and watch a boring show on TV.

A person might take someone they like on a trip to Hawaii. But if a person is alone they would never think of treating themselves to a trip to Hawaii.

When I am all alone, I am in very good company. Just because perhaps my parents were unable or unwilling to cherish me as a person and treasure me and just because other people don't doesn't mean that I cannot love and treasure myself.

You are a good person who has done many things in your life which involve courage and kindness. Since you were a little kid until today you have done thousands of big and little acts of courage and kindness, big and little acts of generosity and compassion.

So you deserve to be loved. Just because other people are blind to your good qualities doesn't mean that you need to be unkind to yourself.

Hopefully you will meet someone who will appreciate you. But I hope that in the meantime you will love yourself and be good to yourself. You have been through a lot I imagine. You deserve to be loved and treasured.

I am so sorry you are miserable. You are worth getting some help, and you might want to re-consider therapy You do have a future....getting into therapy is scary and hard, but the best work you will ever do.

Hang in there annoyedgrunt84.🙏

If, over the years, you've ever had ordinary conversations with people and they've said nice things to you, about you, sincere heart-felt things, then you can be pretty sure you're a likeable person. So my reasoning is, for someone to love you they have to at least like you as well. It tells me you can be loved. But obviously I'm not God so how things actually pan out in a person's life can't really be known. You only have today and your plans for the future, big or small. It's okay. Once the sad feelings pass, just stay on track with your life.🙏

Therapy helped me find my thoughts, feelings & words. It was wonderful to break the chains of not being able to express "me" & learn how to really communicate.

Communication helps establish relationships & you can't do that without knowing yourself. It is a growth process. I started at 54

I thought @Yaowen had a very wise response that I would encourage you to think about.

I will also add that I personally have never gained much from therapy or therapists. I actually find talking to peers who have been through similar things is far more helpful to me. I use this site: HeyPeers - Where Peers and Support Groups Connect

You can attend groups (many for free). An hour long session with a peer support specialist is $30. I have to pay a $35 copay for a therapist, and I get much less out of it.