Feelings of extreme sadness and nostalgia

rdgrad15 · Nov 29, 2022 at 08:45 AM

Anyone else experience intense feelings of nostalgia on a regular basis especially if you're tired? Nostalgia is normal and everyone experiences it but there are times where it's intense enough to make me feel sad for long periods of time. It's even worse when I'm tired and I think that's the case for everyone. Something about being tired makes you more prone to being sadder than you normally would feel and may exacerbate feelings of nostalgia as well.

Part of the reason is because some people I used to associate with either drifted away and a couple of them who were friends aren't around anymore even though it was years ago. I usually avoid things that remind me of the past but there are times where I'm unable to stop dwelling on it. Sometimes trying to distract myself helps but other times it doesn't work if the feelings are intense enough. I'm okay with where I'm at in life now but at the same time I do find myself wishing for the old times which I know is perfectly normal and everyone experiences it.

Skeezyks · Nov 29, 2022 at 02:18 PM

Thanks for posting this. Yes, I often feel nostalgic plus I find I become more prone to feelings of nostalgia and sadness when I'm tired... or perhaps I should say overly tired since I'm pretty-much always tired to some extent. I begin to wallow in thoughts of what might have been, what should have been, and all of the many things I did wrong along the way.

And then, the other thing that happens with me relates to my life-long struggle with my gender identity. For the most part, I've come to terms with the fact that I never did anything about it. (For most of my life I didn't know there was anything I could do.) But when I get overly tired, waves of gender dysphoria can overwhelm me, making me feel as though I simply can't stand it another moment... even though, in reality, I know I can... and I will. Like you, I'm okay with where I'm at in life now. But I also sometimes find myself wishing for, in my case not so much the old times, but rather a different set of times, if that makes sense. But then, as the old saying goes: if wishes were horses...

rdgrad15 · Nov 30, 2022 at 06:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Thanks for posting this. Yes, I often feel nostalgic plus I find I become more prone to feelings of nostalgia and sadness when I'm tired... or perhaps I should say overly tired since I'm pretty-much always tired to some extent. I begin to wallow in thoughts of what might have been, what should have been, and all of the many things I did wrong along the way.

And then, the other thing that happens with me relates to my life-long struggle with my gender identity. For the most part, I've come to terms with the fact that I never did anything about it. (For most of my life I didn't know there was anything I could do.) But when I get overly tired, waves of gender dysphoria can overwhelm me, making me feel as though I simply can't stand it another moment... even though, in reality, I know I can... and I will. Like you, I'm okay with where I'm at in life now. But I also sometimes find myself wishing for, in my case not so much the old times, but rather a different set of times, if that makes sense. But then, as the old saying goes: if wishes were horses...

You're welcome and I agree, I feel more sad and nostalgic when I'm over tired too. I'm tired all the time as well, I think it's common to wallow in negative thoughts more when you're overly tired or even just bored and alone. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, I'm sure that was tough and I see what you mean by wishing for different times. Basically you wish that things had been better and wish you could go back and fix things, I'm the same way and wish I could fix some things as well since not everything in my past is all rainbows and I was mistreated a lot due to how naive I was.

Mendingmysoul · Nov 30, 2022 at 10:35 PM

Sadness is the baseline of my existence. I used to over do physically to exhaust myself,in order to divert myself from ruminations.To keep my mind occupied. But it stopped working. Now I donot try to get tired anymore.No point if it's not working anymore. I accepted the fact that I might remain sad for rest of my life.I go through my day and get things done.I would give anything to change my past,if I get a do over.But that's not possible. Right???So it is what it is.I will count my blessings and take one day at a time.

rdgrad15 · Dec 01, 2022 at 05:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul

Sadness is the baseline of my existence. I used to over do physically to exhaust myself,in order to divert myself from ruminations.To keep my mind occupied. But it stopped working. Now I donot try to get tired anymore.No point if it's not working anymore. I accepted the fact that I might remain sad for rest of my life.I go through my day and get things done.I would give anything to change my past,if I get a do over.But that's not possible. Right???So it is what it is.I will count my blessings and take one day at a time.

Yeah I understand that and physical exercise doesn't always help. It definitely doesn't help me because the thoughts are still there and there's no temporary relief like some people supposedly experience after exercise. I wish I could go back to the past if I had a do over as well. Another option is to just experience some form of happiness that I may have had back then but as you said that is not possible and you have to take it one day at a time.

JenLee81 · Dec 03, 2022 at 05:57 PM

I can relate. I often feel nostalgia and reminisce on the way things were, wishing I could go back to those circumstances. I've noticed staying stuck n those thoughts have kept me from not allowing new experiences in the present.

rdgrad15 · Dec 03, 2022 at 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JenLee81

I can relate. I often feel nostalgia and reminisce on the way things were, wishing I could go back to those circumstances. I've noticed staying stuck n those thoughts have kept me from not allowing new experiences in the present.

Yep I agree, longing for the past can definitely hinder your ability to experience new things. In fact there are some cases where people may be afraid to make new memories because they either don't want to forget about the past, they may also be afraid to experience joy knowing that one day they will look back and wish for those days again once the people they made the memories with are no longer around.

I think there's an actual name for that where people are legitimately afraid to be happy and experience joy in the event something bad will happen in the future but forget what it's called, I know it prevents people from engaging in activities that may be fun and make new memories. In a way it's understandable because during the rare chances I am enjoying something, in the back of my mind I know that the feeling of joy and being in the moment having a good time will not last very long so I can understand being afraid to be happy.

eskielover · Dec 06, 2022 at 07:03 PM

I live so totally in the now (present) & there was nothing in my past I would even want to relive or go back to .

I miss my doggies & my soulmate Leo doggie but never get into a nostalgic mode cause I am too busy focusing on my now life & future things that excite me.

Think the main reason of not though is that nothing in my past was without issues or stresses that I would never want to go back to & I can never see only the good that would make me be nostalgic. I see people & places for ALL they were, not just tge good. That makes it a huge NO. Love to experience my life as it unfolds. No time to dwell in sadness except at the time losses occur.

Maybe my response is not normal but it works well for my life

rdgrad15 · Dec 07, 2022 at 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

I live so totally in the now (present) & there was nothing in my past I would even want to relive or go back to .

I miss my doggies & my soulmate Leo doggie but never get into a nostalgic mode cause I am too busy focusing on my now life & future things that excite me.

Think the main reason of not though is that nothing in my past was without issues or stresses that I would never want to go back to & I can never see only the good that would make me be nostalgic. I see people & places for ALL they were, not just tge good. That makes it a huge NO. Love to experience my life as it unfolds. No time to dwell in sadness except at the time losses occur.

Maybe my response is not normal but it works well for my life

Oh I agree with you and there were way more bad times than good times for me. I completely understand where you're coming from and that is quite normal. For me I just get nostalgic for the few good times that did exist which mostly took place after high school. I would happily redo my college career but I wouldn't want to go back to high school or before then like some people would and also most of my nostalgia comes from missing those who are no longer around but even then that's not many people.

divine1966 · Dec 07, 2022 at 02:47 PM

I thought you are quite young. What are you so nostalgic about that you are overwhelmed with it to the point of extreme sadness? Who are these people you are missing so badly?

are you seeing a therapist?

rdgrad15 · Dec 07, 2022 at 03:17 PM

[QUOTE=divine1966;7282849]I thought you are quite young. What are you so nostalgic about that you are overwhelmed with it to the point of extreme sadness? Who are these people you are missing so badly?

are you seeing a therapist?[/QUOTE

Hey I haven’t seen you in ages and yeah I am young, I’m 32 but I can see how this post may make it seem like I’m way older than I am. People who I used to either be friends with which isn’t many and just others that I liked, I know it sounds weird and I can’t quite pinpoint it either as strange as it sounds and no I’m not seeing a therapist. When I’m not in that state, I ask myself why I felt that sad in the first place. Makes me feel very stupid when. I get that sad since I know it’s irrational, I don’t dwell every day but it is still a very common occurrence and each time I can’t believe I get so down about it.

Travelinglady · Dec 09, 2022 at 09:10 PM

Hi, rd! I was just thinking that now that I'm officially a senior citizen I think more of the "good old days" when I was healthy and able to get our more! You have lots of time to meet new folks and have more fun expriences, so please don't get too wrapped up in dwelling on the past. Okay?

mote.of.soul · Dec 10, 2022 at 01:33 AM

Yeah, for sure. I'm 53 now but I remember pushing into my thirties and feeling like something inside of me was starting to be lost to the past: connections to old friends, feelings of acceptance by people perhaps, feelings towards a sense of family beginning to change. Other things too. Yes, the tiredness then the sadness and also loneliness(?) can, to me, make a 30+ person - especially if they are a 'thinker' - 'pine' for the past. Sure. I know it well tbh, and this is twenty odd years down the track from age 30.

So those are some of my own little insights.

rdgrad15 · Dec 10, 2022 at 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hi, rd! I was just thinking that now that I'm officially a senior citizen I think more of the "good old days" when I was healthy and able to get our more! You have lots of time to meet new folks and have more fun expriences, so please don't get too wrapped up in dwelling on the past. Okay?

Yep that is understandable and I know I shouldn't do that. It doesn't consume my every day life but it does happen.

rdgrad15 · Dec 10, 2022 at 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Yeah, for sure. I'm 53 now but I remember pushing into my thirties and feeling like something inside of me was starting to be lost to the past: connections to old friends, feelings of acceptance by people perhaps, feelings towards a sense of family beginning to change. Other things too. Yes, the tiredness then the sadness and also loneliness(?) can, to me, make a 30+ person - especially if they are a 'thinker' - 'pine' for the past. Sure. I know it well tbh, and this is twenty odd years down the track from age 30.

So those are some of my own little insights.

Yeah this is true and I'm a thinker as well. I know it's not good to dwell on the past but sometimes it just happens and I think more people do it than they'd like to admit.

nonightowl · Jan 01, 2023 at 12:54 AM

I can relate to a lot of what you said, Rdgrad. Your posts have the wisdom of someone much older, that's a compliment!

I definitely miss older days of when we had, for example, less technology and more face to face contact. And more people were in my life. Now everyone is gone and anyone that comes along doesn't stick around long.

There were things when I was much younger that just wasn't an issue such as watching what I eat. That might seem trivial but food is one of the few pleasures left, especially when we were on lockdowns.

rdgrad15 · Jan 01, 2023 at 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

I can relate to a lot of what you said, Rdgrad. Your posts have the wisdom of someone much older, that's a compliment!

I definitely miss older days of when we had, for example, less technology and more face to face contact. And more people were in my life. Now everyone is gone and anyone that comes along doesn't stick around long.

There were things when I was much younger that just wasn't an issue such as watching what I eat. That might seem trivial but food is one of the few pleasures left, especially when we were on lockdowns.

Yeah looking back at my post, I can see how it may make me sound way older than I am. I'm only 32 but I probably sound like I'm in my 50's or something, I do remember a time when there was less technology when I was a kid though. Kids played outside more back then, for me though I just miss some of the people I was on good terms with which isn't many but there are some. Also it is true that people who come around now don't stick around long, another thing is that most people prefer to socialize through social media and I think people in general have become more introverted because of it which is okay since I'm an introvert myself.

nonightowl · Jan 01, 2023 at 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Yeah looking back at my post, I can see how it may make me sound way older than I am. I'm only 32 but I probably sound like I'm in my 50's or something, I do remember a time when there was less technology when I was a kid though. Kids played outside more back then, for me though I just miss some of the people I was on good terms with which isn't many but there are some. Also it is true that people who come around now don't stick around long, another thing is that most people prefer to socialize through social media and I think people in general have become more introverted because of it which is okay since I'm an introvert myself.

I also wonder what became of people in my past, which I asked in this thread:

Question of the Month

Alas, it worked much better when the QOTM was a FORUM, but the powers that be.....

I know most people prefer social media and like you, I'm an introvert too. But I still need face to face contact. As humans we are hard wired to seek connections, and I strongly feel that even Facetime (which I even never used) doesn't substitute for face to face contact.

Even using emojis doesn't always communicate the right tone. So I'm nostalgic for things like hearing the tone of voice or seeing the person's face, in person. So many people want to email or text me, they never want to CALL anymore even.

The phone has been around for centuries but now people want to type words on a screen. I wonder what Alexander Bell would think of cell phones.

Anyway I thought I'd find other threads you started, as I found the most/least favorite holidays thread.

Now that yet another year has gone, I think more of not only last year but the last few decades. I listen to a lot of music from my youth more often as I get older, as it reminds me of simpler times. And not just in the country in general, but in my life. I mean even stuff like telemarketing calls were rare. Ah, I miss that silence. We got a wrong number once in awhile or a sales call. NOW we get bombarded.

Guess I'm nostalgic for the days of more privacy too, more control over who has your information. I mean we didn't have databases of people's info everywhere.

I could write a book on what I'm nostalgic for.....And since it's a new year we are getting that optimistic message from the media as usual.

I'm reading a book along those lines: Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking has Underminded America by Barbara Ehrenreich. Eye opening....

You are wise beyond your years.

Sometimes I feel like I'm 100 as I've been through so much. When I was your age (ha ha I'm old enough to say that), I didn't feel nostalgia much. But it was a different world then, as the Internet was still in its infancy. We still talked on the phone or met face to face.

Discombobulated · Jan 01, 2023 at 01:20 PM

I feel nostalgic and sad sometimes about being a mum of a little one, those days are gone. I remind myself I’m lucky to have a wonderful adult son now but I miss those fun times. I think Christmas especially makes me feel sad and nostalgic for those times.

I do remind myself what I have not what I don’t have and eventually it rides itself out.

*Beth* · Jan 01, 2023 at 09:42 PM

I feel nostalgic and sad sometimes about being a mum of a little one, those days are gone. I remind myself I’m lucky to have a wonderful adult son now but I miss those fun times. I think Christmas especially makes me feel sad and nostalgic for those times.

@Discombobulated
We may have discussed this before, but oh, how well I understand!

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JenLee81 New Member Member Since Dec 2022 Location: Virginia Posts: 5 1	Dec 03, 2022 at 05:57 PM #6 I can relate. I often feel nostalgia and reminisce on the way things were, wishing I could go back to those circumstances. I've noticed staying stuck n those thoughts have kept me from not allowing new experiences in the present.
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,367 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Dec 07, 2022 at 02:47 PM #10 I thought you are quite young. What are you so nostalgic about that you are overwhelmed with it to the point of extreme sadness? Who are these people you are missing so badly? are you seeing a therapist?
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Travelinglady Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Sep 2010 Location: North Carolina Posts: 47,993 (SuperPoster!) 13 22.9k hugs given	Dec 09, 2022 at 09:10 PM #12 Hi, rd! I was just thinking that now that I'm officially a senior citizen I think more of the "good old days" when I was healthy and able to get our more! You have lots of time to meet new folks and have more fun expriences, so please don't get too wrapped up in dwelling on the past. Okay?
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Discombobulated Grand Magnate Member Since Oct 2019 Location: UK Posts: 4,686 (SuperPoster!) 4 11.6k hugs given	Jan 01, 2023 at 01:20 PM #19 I feel nostalgic and sad sometimes about being a mum of a little one, those days are gone. I remind myself I’m lucky to have a wonderful adult son now but I miss those fun times. I think Christmas especially makes me feel sad and nostalgic for those times. I do remind myself what I have not what I don’t have and eventually it rides itself out.
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 01, 2023 at 09:42 PM #20 I feel nostalgic and sad sometimes about being a mum of a little one, those days are gone. I remind myself I’m lucky to have a wonderful adult son now but I miss those fun times. I think Christmas especially makes me feel sad and nostalgic for those times. @Discombobulated We may have discussed this before, but oh, how well I understand! __________________
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