What does this make you feel it might be?

Hello,

If I give you these:

- very fragmental childhood and early teenage years memories/feeling of having forgotten most of it;
- strong aversion to being touched;
- fear of being looked at;
- always wears several layers of clothes when going out in the public;
- making sure to stay as skinny as possible to keep the impression of being difficult to notice;
- aversion to romance and sex, no desire to have sex but I think I still have libido;
- persistent sadness and apathy;
- no feeling of needing to socialise;
- self-harm for no apparent reason;
- fear of losing control around people (will never drink a drop of alcohol in presence of other people);

- difficulty to take care of self;
- sleeps a lot;
- avoided school medical visits + P.E. especially when it was swimming;

- sexual drawings from childhood;
- sexual nightmares making me wake up in distress (rare);
- strong anxiety and self-hatred when a girl I "dated" (I didn't dare to say no when she asked me out) asked me to touch myself (we were 14 years old). I did it because I didn't dare to tell her no. I hated myself for it.


What does all of this make you think about?


In case it's important: male, 22 years old.

Honestly, Lethargy, it sounds to me like you were sexually abused, probably more than once, when you were a young child. But I am not a professional. I encourage you to start seeing a counselor to get at the root of these issues. You deserve to be able to have a healthy sexual life and be happy. Okay? Thanks for asking. Let's see what other people here might have to say.

We aren’t supposed to offer diagnosis on this forum. Even those professionally trained to do some diagnostics, would need more than one post on the internet. Of course you’ll run into people who like to label others, but those are usually “black and white thinkers” with no real knowledge. Please don’t trust bogus diagnosis by anyone. I urge you to seek professional help. Have you ever seen a therapist? You might want to start there

I do no wish a diagnosis. I do not wish help. I was just wondering if I was imagining things or not. I am fine for now. Thank you for your answers. I just wanted someone's opinions about this particular thing.