[stahrgeyzer]

About once every 5 days to a few weeks a depression from hell hits like a tsunami. What could cause that? It gets so bad that I move like a snail like a person does when they have a really bad flu or like I'm 100 years old. I feel an ache in my soul that's indescribable.

All I know is that I can't do this much longer. It's getting worse. I have no idea what's causing it. When the depressive part of the cycle ends I get hope and somehow convince myself I won't let myself get depressed and suicidal but sure enough I change into a completely different person and get extremely depressed and start doing suicidal planning. It's just horrible. It has a terrible effect on my body, which aches for days after it ends. The only good part is that I sleep like a rock for a long time while my body heals.

None of my psychologist ever told me what's causing it. She had me do a cat scan which didn't show anything so it must be psychological. I was diagnosed with a lot of disorders but the only one that has cycles seems to be BPD, but I don't know if BPD is known to cause such endless horrible cycles. I was also diagnosed with DID by another psychologist but I don't know if that could cause this.

I took DBT and EMDR but it didn't seem to help me.

Any ideas?

[TheGal]

I am so sorry for your pain.

I take 3 antidepressants just to keep going... it's hard.

Hugs, if wanted.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm not sure about the cause. Maybe someone else might have some ideas. I'm so sorry for your pain.

[MuddyBoots]

Are there any external stressors you can pinpoint? That could be the BPD if that's a yes. Is there any correlation between when these depressions hit and how you're eating and/or sleeping? It could be just a need for rest catching up to you too, a lack of sleep can really, really throw us out of whack. How long do these depressions last?

[stahrgeyzer]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Are there any external stressors you can pinpoint? That could be the BPD if that's a yes. Is there any correlation between when these depressions hit and how you're eating and/or sleeping? It could be just a need for rest catching up to you too, a lack of sleep can really, really throw us out of whack. How long do these depressions last?

Good questions. I'm easily triggered and know that causes bad SI depression but a lot of times it feels like I change to a different person and then I know the inevitable bad cycle will start within a day. The depression, SI and planning usually last 2 to 5 days. Yes sleep definitely helps, always. Sleep is magical!