[Knickerbocker]

To avoid a lot of platitudes and unnecessary details, I will keep this fairly simple.

I have significantly damaged my life. I am slowly accepting this new state of things and have a real drive and desire to move forward, however knowing that my life will never be what it could have been is a constant drain on me. I've learned a great deal from this experience, I'm slowly forgiving myself and I'm taking steps to rebuild.

So, how do I become okay with what I've lost? This will negatively affect the rest of my life in almost every way. How do I shut out the constant comparison to what I had/could have had? How do I not beat myself up all over again every time a consequence comes rolling in? How do I not get defeated knowing I'm always living less of a life?

[CANDC]

@Knickerbocker - sorry you are feeling remorse over lost opportunities.

You said "So, how do I become okay with what I've lost? This will negatively affect the rest of my life in almost every way. How do I shut out the constant comparison to what I had/could have had? How do I not beat myself up all over again every time a consequence comes rolling in? How do I not get defeated knowing I'm always living less of a life?"

I regret some things I have done. I resolve not to do them again. I close the door on the past. This is the only moment I have. The past is gone. The future is only a dream. Here I am right now.

I can only do the best I can. That is all any reasonable person can expect.

Life is never perfect. I learn by making mistakes and by not repeating the same mistakes over again.

When I came into this world I had nothing. When I leave this world some day, I cannot take anything with me. What happens in between are the lessons I learn. Knowing I am doing the best I can under the current circumstances will hopefully comfort me now and in the future.

Not sure how my ramblings may help. I hear you. I have been in dark places and lost precious years, but I go on and do the best I can. @CANDC

[Discombobulated]

That sounds tough

My response to you is self compassion- always.

When you reproach yourself (as you may well do and that’s okay) answer yourself- you did what you could at the time with the circumstances and all that fed into that, it’s likely much of this was beyond your control. You may likely have not had the full awareness and knowledge that you do now, that comes with age and experience.

What’s important is not punishing yourself but moving forward in the way you want to.

[Fuzzybear]

[Soupe du jour]

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is ideal for tackling such thinking. Exploring this with a therapist knowledgable in CBT is best.

[eskielover]

I had 54 years of messed up life between dysfunctional parents & a bad marriage. Had a good career from the degree I got but life itself was on a constant downhill slope.

Both my parents had died by the time I hit that age, my daughter had moved to another state & it was time for me to leave....walk awsy from everything & start life over.

I could have been consumed by past trauma & hurts & bad choices BUT I chose to make a new life with good choices & a new start putting the past behind me. DBT (therapy) & a wonderful therapist taught me skills that I had not learned in life & reinforced skills I already had. I can truly say that even though there are still rough times, these last 16 years have been the best years of my life & my best decision ever was to walk away from that past & leave it in the past....no regrets because what I learned from that past has made what I have now better than ever & I appreciate it more because I know what that past was like. My life is not diminished from that past, it is made better because of what I learned from it