[Martina]

We live away from family, so it's just the three of us. I really wanted to keep up the tradition of a nice turkey dinner.

Wednesday, I cooked a homemade pumpkin pie, from scratch. It actually turned out great. But then like an idiot, I left it on the counter to cool, and left to go shopping.

My dog ate it.

So I bought a frozen Marie Callender's pie to replace it. And I burnt it. I cooked it exactly as long as it said. I think my oven is too hot, but I always forget that until it's too late.

Then there's the turkey. I got a small 2.5 pound turkey breast roast. The package said to thaw it for 1 day. I thawed it for 3 days just so I knew it wouldn't be frozen. The package said it would cook in 50 minutes.

It took THREE HOURS!!!

All the sides were ready at the 50 minutes, so we just sat down and ate sides. Apparently I'm the only one who likes stuffing. My daughter wouldn't touch it, and my husband only took some to make me happy.

He ate a ton of mashed potatoes, but later admitted that they were lumpy.

I was the only one who even touched the sweet potatoes.

Then today, the turkey was finally cooked so I made a sandwich and put on some of the homemade cranberry sauce I made. The cranberry sauce tasted horrible.

I hate it. I am such a horrible cook. Nothing ever turns out right. I really wanted to have this perfect family dinner, and I screwed it all up. I'm just an utter failure as a cook.

This extends to regular dinners too. I suck at cooking. So we often resort to packaged, processed foods. I really hate that, it's not healthy. I really want to raise my daughter with the best, but I can't cook anything she likes.

Maybe next year we'll just go out for dinner on Thanksgiving. I know one local restaurant does a Thanksgiving buffet. But I just feel like it's my "job" to cook. I don't know why.

Hello, Martina. Sorry about the frustration.

[Naturefreak]

Martina
Sounds like you had a real tough time . So sorry to hear that.

[trs60586]

Apparently your dog liked your cooking, or at least baking, so it wasn't a total failure.

Unlike the dog, I wouldn't rely on your 4 year old to be a true connoisseur of fine dining. Lumpy mashed potatoes? They're called "home style" in restaurants and at the supermarket for a reason. I actually prefer them that way. Anybody else besides you ever even had sweet potatoes before? I wouldn't try them until I was an adult because they were "different". When I finally did, I discovered that they were great! Many years ago the management of the complex I lived in gave each apartment a small frozen turkey for Christmas. It sat in my freezer for a while before I decided I'd cook it. Ended up I so overcooked and dried it out that it was well on its way to turning into turkey jerky.

Everybody has strengths and weaknesses, things than come naturally and others that they may never be very good at no matter how much energy they put into it. You at least get an "A" for effort. There are plenty of cookbooks and online recipes for quick, easy and healthy meals that only require three, four or five ingredients. Try preparing some of those. If they occasionally don't turn out very well it won't be another "totally ruined holiday". Just grab that backup frozen entree from the freezer and pop it in the microwave and try again another day.

Maybe you should go out or get a store prepared meal next Thanksgiving. But maybe by then you'll have become confident enough in your skills in the kitchen that you'll want to give it another go.

[Rmdctc]

I am so sorry that the dinner didnt turn out well. I really think that cooking takes practice. I would also say get yourself a really nice cookbook. That might help.

[Sabrina]

You tried really hard with all the love in your heart. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Your intentions were the best even if the results weren't. I am sorry it didn't turn out the best but I know that you tried your best.

[imnotthere]

Martina,

That sounds very frustrating. I just found this site tonight, and the only thing I know is that we have to be kind to ourselves. You're allowed to be a bad cook and still be a good person. Kindness Martina. I'm sending it to you.

Originally Posted by Martina

We live away from family, so it's just the three of us. I really wanted to keep up the tradition of a nice turkey dinner.

Wednesday, I cooked a homemade pumpkin pie, from scratch. It actually turned out great. But then like an idiot, I left it on the counter to cool, and left to go shopping.

My dog ate it.

So I bought a frozen Marie Callender's pie to replace it. And I burnt it. I cooked it exactly as long as it said. I think my oven is too hot, but I always forget that until it's too late.

Then there's the turkey. I got a small 2.5 pound turkey breast roast. The package said to thaw it for 1 day. I thawed it for 3 days just so I knew it wouldn't be frozen. The package said it would cook in 50 minutes.

It took THREE HOURS!!!

All the sides were ready at the 50 minutes, so we just sat down and ate sides. Apparently I'm the only one who likes stuffing. My daughter wouldn't touch it, and my husband only took some to make me happy.

He ate a ton of mashed potatoes, but later admitted that they were lumpy.

I was the only one who even touched the sweet potatoes.

Then today, the turkey was finally cooked so I made a sandwich and put on some of the homemade cranberry sauce I made. The cranberry sauce tasted horrible.

I hate it. I am such a horrible cook. Nothing ever turns out right. I really wanted to have this perfect family dinner, and I screwed it all up. I'm just an utter failure as a cook.

This extends to regular dinners too. I suck at cooking. So we often resort to packaged, processed foods. I really hate that, it's not healthy. I really want to raise my daughter with the best, but I can't cook anything she likes.

Maybe next year we'll just go out for dinner on Thanksgiving. I know one local restaurant does a Thanksgiving buffet. But I just feel like it's my "job" to cook. I don't know why.

No you didnt ruin it .........

Ruining it is causing an argument shouting and screaming and then storming off.

Ruining it is not trying to cook a dinner at all.

Ruining it is sulking all day causing tension etc.

So no you tried your best and in years to come you will even find it amusing to look back at how wrong it all went ! Its just its a bit raw at the moment.

[ECHOES]

It is disappointing when we try hard and don't get the results we want.

So, you are learning. And you want to learn more. This is a great opportunity to show your daughter what you do when you want to learn more and you want to be better at a task.

Why not make a plan.... you could ease into cooking; trying to do it all is pretty overwhelming. What about...finding a basic cookbook that has basic, non-complex recipes for foods your family likes as well as basic how-to's, such as ways to fix different cuts of meats. I have a Betty Crocker cookbook that is like that.
You could focus on one dish at a time, replacing one packaged, processed dish with one home made one and move on to several home made dishes when you are ready. This could be fun~~the "dish of the day"! Your daughter could help with some part of the preparation to increase her interest in the dish and in cooking too.

You are learning, and practicing. Stay with it... you can do this.

[bebop]

as others said hon you did not ruin thanksgiving. it took me awhile to learn to cook. I remember my first marriage I had no idea how to cook so we ate sandwiches the first 3 months. finally I couldn't eat another one so I tried cooking. trial and error. one thing to remember is never go by what meat says to cook it at or how long. test the food while it is cooking. I taste everything while it cooks except the meat too. I add a little bit of this and little bit of that to taste. hang in there hon! you will make it.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

It is disappointing when we try hard and don't get the results we want.

So, you are learning. And you want to learn more. This is a great opportunity to show your daughter what you do when you want to learn more and you want to be better at a task.

Why not make a plan.... you could ease into cooking; trying to do it all is pretty overwhelming. What about...finding a basic cookbook that has basic, non-complex recipes for foods your family likes as well as basic how-to's, such as ways to fix different cuts of meats. I have a Betty Crocker cookbook that is like that.
You could focus on one dish at a time, replacing one packaged, processed dish with one home made one and move on to several home made dishes when you are ready. This could be fun~~the "dish of the day"! Your daughter could help with some part of the preparation to increase her interest in the dish and in cooking too.

You are learning, and practicing. Stay with it... you can do this.

My thoughts exactly! If you make this a project for both you and your daughter, you will get two benefits from the same process. You will grow closer and share something special along the way.

You picked one of the most difficult meals of the year to cook and expected it to come out perfect. My mother was a superb cook. But she had to cook for three days to get everything to come out right for the one day of Thanksgiving. It was hard! Years from now, no one is going to remember that Thanksgiving except maybe the dog!

Give yourself a break and simply keep practicing. You'll get it.

[crystalrose]

Now i love dogs but i'd hav to blame the dog for ruining it. I think anyone under stress can find cooking really hard. Maybe join some classes if you think its your skills. But i really just think you were stressed. Blame the dog and that goes for wind also.

[Yoda]

Martina, you put out your best effort and it didn't turn out exactly the way you wanted but you most certainly did not ruin Thanksgiving. It wasn't the best meal your family has ever eaten - so what? I doubt that it has damaged them but it is upsetting to you because you wanted everything to be perfect and it was not. That's what we call learning experiences. I am sure your next attempt at the perfect Thanksgiving dinner will be better even though it still may not be perfect.

I am a pretty decent cook but I have messed dinners up too. Once I was making stuffed peppers and I didn't realize I needed to precook the rice before I put it and the meat in the peppers. It was crunchy and yukky and we threw it away. But now I know I need to cook the rice first.

My birthday was this week and my mom asked me what kind of birthday cake I wanted. I said I didn't want a cake but wanted some of her delicious hot rolls from scratch. She used to be a home ec teacher and is usually a great cook. I was looking forward to bring some of the rolls home and already had thawed out some homemade strawberry jam to eat with them. But you know what - her rolls sucked this time. They weren't light and fluffy like usual. She said she thought she either used too much flour or there might have been a problem with the yeast because she used a new container of yeast. She is going to try with the same yeast again and if they still are bad she will take the yeast back to the store.

So I was disappointed because I didn't get my delicious birthday hot rolls that I wanted. Did it ruin my birthday or Thanksgiving? No. She tried and it just didn't work out this time.

You mentioned that you feel inexperienced as a cook. You can fix that. I have over 60 cookbooks and could recommend some that are good for beginners if you are interested. There are also some online sites to find recipes and cooking tips.

A lot of learning to cook is trial and error. A recipe can turn out differently when you are using gas or electric stove or metal or glass pans to bake. The most difficult thing to cook is baked goods like cakes and bread because the proportions have to be just right or they don't come out right. Most other things are more forgiving.

LMK if you would like me to recommend some resources. I have some very good recipes I would be happy to share with you.

[SilverNeurotic]

The important part of Thanksgiving isn't the eating part, it's being with family and loved ones. You had your meal with your husband and daughter-so it was a success. Cooking is hard and even the most experienced cooks have "issues" with cooking for the holidays.

[Pomegranate]

I'm not a good cook either. I just cook for my husband and I, most of the time. I cooked a roasting chicken with a pop up thingie that tells me when it's done, a frozen green bean casserole that I mircowaved then poured into a casserole dish and stuck in the oven for several minutes, and I microwaved potatoes au gratin by Stouffer's. Also had a bowl of canned jellied cranberries.

I checked out the frozen food a few weeks before hand so I knew that it was something my husband and I would both enjoy. Put everything on my own plates or bowls so it all looked homemade, and served it. We enjoyed our dinner, including our dessert of cookies made from frozen cookie dough we bought as part of a fund raiser for a school in a low income area. I used walnut oil to grease the cookie sheets and add a special flavor to the cookies. Clean up was a breeze. I try to buy only frozen food that as no perservatives or artificial ingredients. Costs a bit more but tastes so much better!

Once I admitted to myself that most things that I can buy frozen or pre-made in the grocery store taste better than what I can do, and saves me time, effort, my sweet disposition and STRESS, I no longer feel guilty about not being the perfect "cook from scratch" cook. If other people look down their noses at my "cooking" (like my mother-in-law) tough luck for them. They like to cook so much and are so good at it, let them cook to their heart's delight. Just don't push it on me.

[John25]

I agree with SilverNeurotic.
When I think about Thanksgivings of previous years: I cherish the memories of the people with whom I have celebrated Thanksgiving. I couldn’t tell you how the meal was in those years. You celebrated it with your husband and daughter, good for you!
And the dog is probably already looking forward to the next Thanksgiving

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by John25

And the dog is probably already looking forward to the next Thanksgiving

[Martina]

The thing is, I used to be a good cook, like back in high school. My mom taught us all to cook and bake, we even did cooking in 4-H. When my mom got cancer when I was a senior in high school, I made dinner every night.

But now, I screw up everything. I don't know what my deal is. Part of the problem is my husband and daughter are both extremely picky eaters - sometimes him worse than her! So I can't make anything remotely spicy, ethnic, or gourmet.

I guess I'm still stuck in that belief that a wife's job is to cook amazing food. And I'm failing at that.

[trs60586]

I'd suggest exploring with your therapist the connection between the loss of your cooking talents and the food issues that you, and your family, have.

[ECHOES]

It's important to you to cook well and you want your family to enjoy what you cook. Those are fine things to want.
You can be the cook and still involve your family--in the planning, if not some of the preparation. At 4 your daughter can set the table in anticipation of the meal.

Perhaps you are a wonderful cook, but you are feeding difficult people now compared to when you first learned to cook. When you learned to cook then, it was learning to cook dishes that your family already was familiar with and liked. I wonder if it would help to pin down the family favorites and stick to those for a while to make cooking a good experience again.

[WePow]

Bless your heart! I understand the frustration that comes from wanting to cook something nice for the family - only to have it not turn out as planned. My mom was a great cook, but I did not inherit those genes - or so I thought! :-)

I noticed your age... and thought maybe I could share something with you. Cooking really does take practice. My mom told me I never saw the amount of food she tossed out when I was 1-10 yrs old. I knew we ate out - alot - like Mc D's. But I did not know that was a problem. I remember my mom cooking, us eating out later, and her bawling her heart out that night. Only years later did I put it all together. But by the time I wa a teen, wowzie wowzers!!! My mom was the best cook in the world in the eyes of her family!

She told me when I became discouraged in my 20's to just keep practicing. To be prepared for it all to end up in the trash. And to not give up. She said I would find a couple of things I could really cook well and then I would have a good foundation.

Well, I found out that Pot Roast is one! And Pork Loin - pot roast with pork :-) Is another! And I also found out that if I took a blender to the potatoes and added just a dash of sour cream along with the milk, salt, and butter, that people raged about those!

I am almost 40 now and still only have a few good meals up my sleave. But it makes me feal much better than I did in my 20's :-)

Keep up the awesome work of loving your family!! Sometimes the holiday dinners we remember the most are ones just like yours - where love was served.

[Dave255]

Thanksgiving isn't about food, its about family.

[MissE1088]

food isnt what thanksgiving is about, its about being with family.. i was with my boyfriends family and it was the most awkward 3 hours of my life. there was barely any conversation and i really dont know them well so i didnt say much and i couldnt get any words out of me thinking i would say something stupid! lol the food was ok but everyone left by 5:30 cuz they were bored out of their minds and no one was talking!! AWKWARD!