[Yoda]

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.
Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called..

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were..

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

[Elysium]

ROFL!!!

That's the best!!!

[paddym22]

Hilarious

Thanks for making my morning!!!!!

Paddy

[Sabrina]

Sounds like my hubby, drives you potty !

[possum220]

I love it........

I used to go shopping and sometimes a co-worker would be in there at the same time. He would often put an item in my trolly just to get a laugh..........

[Lady_Chaos]

My boyfriend sneaks crisps and other baddies into the trolley when i'm not looking... We get to the checkout and start unloading all these snacks that i didn't even know were in there!

Actually, i think i used to do the same to my mum when i was younger. Teeheehee!

[bebop]

OMG!!! hahahaha that is just too funny! thing is I get visuals when I read stuff like this lol

[modelcarguy]

I worked at WalMart years ago while I was between jobs. Someone did set all the alarm clocks to go off at 5 minute intervals. Drove us up the wall.

[Amanda_1981]

Originally Posted by Yoda

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were..

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

bwahahhaa!! Love it!!

[LivingMiracle]

I haven't laughed in days but this made me laugh
THank You!

[lynn P.]

So funny Yoda - I wonder if he was devilish as a child too Thanks for making us laugh.

OMG! That was the discription of my husband tonight. He did everything but start whining! I haven't laughed in a long time, but this post did it. Thank you!

My friend who works in retail was inspired to do some of those things because they are so funny... well, not all of them of course (she tried to put a bag of m&m's on lay away) but it was still funny. Good thing she is one of the few people there who actually works so they can't afford to lose her

[CindyJ588]

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funny thing though is that my husband is the one that always wants to go to the store and go shopping without me even though I want to go. Weird huh?

[catrules]

It's really not good to make a nutty person laugh out loud for reasons known only to her. Family begins to worry. But thank you. Have not laughed out loud in a while. It reminded me of a male friend of mine in college

[NuckingFutz]

Yoda, I now knight you "The king of passive agressive. I thought I was bad when it was time to go to the dentist...you see, she was a dental assistant with her own operatory. I like to tinker with with things and since mom was going to put sharp instraments in my mouth, I thought it best to learn to learn about how to use the nitris oxside machine. When she called me in her office I always sent her on some silly appt...the receptionist has a question about your schedule, accounting has a question about a patient' ihsurance. Thesd would take about 5 minutes so by the time she came back I was feelings floaty the first few minutes while having my teeth cleaned. Do not know what I would have done without that stuff