[Elysium]

Well...there is encouraging news and then there is not so encouraging news.

Let's start with the not so encouraging news...that way I can end the post on a more encouraging note.

The most discouraging news I received today was that I had to file a new claim for unemployment. Since my annual income dropped 50% in '09 from what it was in '08, this means that my unemployment benefits also dropped by $450.00 per month. And I was barely able to make rent/utilities, food, and car payment before.

Yesterday I also received a 72 hour notice to vacate my apartment because my rent is due. I attempted to pay 90% of it four days ago, but they stated that they could not accept partial payment due to company policy...so if I don't have the whole thing, I'm SOL!! Due to having to re-file unemployment I have what's called the "waiting week" which means they skip one week of payments, so I won't get another payment until next Thursday. (Not tomorrow)

To top it off, I am a month behind on my car payment and they are expecting a full payment on Friday.

I'm freaking out!!! I don't know whether I should break down and cry, pull my hair out, or start packing some bags and prepare to live out of my car? Maybe I should do all of the above? I'm to the point where I am going to call my Mother and ask her if I can borrow some money until I get my tax refund...which should be here in about ten days. The only thing is, I don't think she has it...and even if she did, she will use this as a chance to manipulate me and guilt me into moving back down with her, closer to family. I've even considered calling my sperm donor, but he's worse than my Mother and Family combined. Hmmm...I think I'd be safer living on the streets actually.

I've called for rental assistance, but they are out of funds already for the month. On their message they said we could leave a message to be placed on the waiting list, and that they would call us if funds became available...but, unfortunately their mailbox was full so I couldn't do that either.

Not sure what to do now. If I have to live in my car...it's going to be very interesting. Me, a large dog, and two cats that have very large personal space bubbles when it comes to the large dog!! I'm so scared...I can't even cry. In fact...I think I'm numb right now.

Encouraging news....had an interview yesterday for a Hospice RN position. Interview went well. Said they'd be calling back for second interviews later in the week...so, waiting.

Had a phone interview today for a "relief" position at a local hospital. "Relief" means NO benefits and NO guaranteed hours. Was told that she would pass my info on to the hiring manager. She also told me about their references they need. At least three need to be past Managers or Supervisors. Ummm, yeah...about that....I've been blacklisted in my local Nursing community. All my previous Managers are not likely to give me good references because of this. NEXT!!!

Decided to take a class today to become an Instructor teaching Advanced Cardiac Life Support (ACLS). Class was awesome, can pretty much get started sitting in on classes and volunteering to teach for experience within the next couple weeks. To actually get a paid position, it will most likely take a couple months, if not longer.

And the last bit of encouraging news.....(I know...there's so much it's obnoxious)...I have an interview tomorrow morning for an ICU position at a hospital that's an hour away from where I live. (NOT complaining about the commute!! I'd walk through snow uphill both ways barefoot for this job) Oh...but did I mention...it's a standing position, which means they put you on a list and when a job becomes available...they call you. Hence...I think I am interviewing to be placed on a list.

I just need a fresh start. I need someone who is willing to see passed what things look like on paper, and see the situation for what it really is....and throw me a FREAKIN' bone.

I'm really trying to focus on the more encouraging things, instead of focusing on the fact that no matter how hard I try...I can't get what I need.

I'm really mad right now. The world doesn't owe me anything. Yet, I have done everything I can to take care of my own issues and I've never resorted to anything like selling drugs or prostitution, or anything like that, and I don't want to. But I'm feeling like I am getting to the point of no return. Where it turns into do or die. How am I supposed to be a productive member of society, when society won't let me?

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...49#post1285749

[bebop]

hon I kind of know how you are feeling. we are so far behind on our car payment it isn't funny. they won't repo yours being one month behind. you will have another job soon! unfortunately ours goes for reposession friday but like I said we are months behind. good luck to you hon! can you borrow the rest of your rent money from friends or maybe a church?

[Elysium]

Thanks for the support Bebop. I know it's hard for everyone right now. I have just had my fill.

Over the last year, I have lost my house (foreclosure), and had to do a voluntary repossession on my last car too. The car I have now is the one I just got two months ago. In order for me to get financed I had to agree to let them put a GPS/kill switch on the car, so if I don't pay...they can make it to where I can't drive and they can find the car. They've already threatened to come get it once. I don't know if they're just trying to scare me though.

I don't have any friends I can borrow from, so I'm going to try family. I've thought about asking if I may borrow from a Church, but even thinking about this makes me feel guilty. I do not go to Church, and I don't practice the more conservative religions. I kind of feel like...what right do I have to ask a Church for monetary help when I am not a member of their Church and I don't practice their faith. Probably sounds kind of stupid, huh? Not saying I wouldn't do that, but it's just hard.

Plus...my pride. I always vowed that I would never be in a financial position like my Mother was, where I had to really on others to support me and I could not take care of myself.

I'm not good at asking for help....and I'm even worse at accepting it.

[Junerain]

hug hugs and more hugs

i know what it feels like to be frustrated with society.....for those who do not see you for you are NOW...feels like I have been blacklisted from happiness.............

As if happiness is out to get me and deny me or something.....

I've been homeless myself only my father would not let me live with him (my brother and stepsisters are allowed)

He forced me on food stamps..and he's a millionaire

Why do they call it blacklisting anyway..because black is the 'unfeeling' color??

It's like could society FEEL something for me at least a little??

Answer is, _I _Junerain feel deeply for you, you have my heart

[lonegael]

Junerain said it all. I more than feel something, I think I and most of the people who have gotten replies and posts from you feel a great deal about what is happening. I feel handtied, and at the same time I would hate to have you stop posting because of that. Someone like you deserves more than that from the rest of us. That is the truth. Huggs, and praying for soemthing to come through.

[lynn P.]

I sure hope something good happens to relieve you ((Elysium)). Six months ago we had to declared persoanl bankruptcy. We still have our house and we're living month to month. We own a small business that's subjected to the rise and fall of the economy. A few years ago we owned 2 other houses in addition to the one we live in. We had 6 rental units, which brought in a good additional income - unfortunately we lost both those houses. Those rental properties along with our business financed this nice house, we're struggling to keep now. We were able to pay our mortgage from these rental properties. This must be so hard being on your own, on the verge of being homeless. I pray you'll find some way to make it through all this. You deserve a much needed break my friend.

[Elysium]

Phew!!!

Well, some good news for me...

I spoke with my Mother last night and we discussed my situation. She said she is going to be able to assist me with rent and car payment this month.

She did try and push me to move back down with her, and I told her I would pay her back once my tax refund comes in, but she says she doesn't need me to pay it back. I'm going to accept it, cause I'm not stupid...but I told her I was going to have to pay her back because if I didn't, one day in the future when she became unhappy with me, she would use this against me and it would hurt me. She said that she understands my concern, and that I can pay her back "someday", but that it doesn't need to be right now.

I am okay with this for now. I know the risks and once I get employment I can give it back to her.

I am very lucky that she is able to help me. Despite the fact that I have distanced myself from her for my own health and protection, I know she loves me the only way she knows how and I know she worries. I love her very much. We've always been extremely co-dependent though and I've been doing real good at not getting sucked into her issues.

I am relieved at this point. This gives me another month to get a job.

Thank you all AGAIN for your support. I appreciate each and every one of you!!

[Junerain]

I am relieved to read this! Phew *wipes brow* *wipes back tears*

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by Junerain

I am relieved to read this! Phew *wipes brow* *wipes back tears*

((((()))))

BIGGEST Hug ever!!!!!!

[Miracle1986]

(((Elysium)))
No words right now, but plenty of hugs!

[Naturefreak]

Wow Ely There is a lot going on in your life right now. Some good and some not so good. I hope things make a drastic turnaround for you , you deserve to be happy . Good luck with the employment opportunities. Take care of yourself.

[lynn P.]

I'm relieved you asked and took the help from your mom. It okay to accept her help and I'm glad you love your mom. Hey you only have one mom - right? I hope things turn around for you soon. I found great relief shopping for food at lower end stores. I've talked about this on other threads - but I save at least half by doing this and I don't compromise on quality. In fact it's better quality. I also ask myself a simple question every time I buy something - do I really need this? This might not be relevant but I wanted to throw that in there. I hope it all works for you Ely.