[radio_flyer]

So the contractor is moving out today. AJ came down and was like I think trying to put me on a guilt trip or I dunno what he was trying to do.. He said you have "the contractor" all wrong. He said is moving in homeless housing. Something about Govt. housing, I dunno.... AJ said the contractor is an ok guy. yadayada

I said he was playing with your dad. ALL he had to do was be up front with your dad... He played him/ avoided him....

Now I feel so heavy inside.. Really bad.. I want to cry.. I never want to hurt anyone.. I am too sensitive for this life...But then I still don't want to be taken advantage of or used.. I dunno if that is what the contractor was doing to AJ's dad.. I don't know much anymore.. Maybe I never did...

I am sorry the guy had to move. Yet it feels better that he won't be here...Maybe his life will get better when he is in his own place....AJ said it is not a shelter.. Something I think the contractor pays part and the Govt pays part............I understand hard times... Yet I understand "respect" too..

I write here because there is too much to hold inside.. Maybe I should start a blog where I can just rant, cry and whatever in a private world of the blog where the whole world sees.. boy that doesn't make sense at all.....

[Fox]

lol about the last part of private world where the whole world sees. You could always start a thread just to follow up on and receive input still but keep it updated with current stuff. I'm not exactly sure where it'd belong, maybe the poohbah forum since you have the premier poohbah badge after all, might as well use it yeah?

I'm sorry that you're feeling bad about the contractor. But it just might be the push he needs in life. {hugs you if okay}

I know you have a lot of feeling for AJ. He cannot seem to reciprocate. He is toxic for you. Love yourself. Maybe some day AJ will learn.

((((((( radio_flyer )))))))

[radio_flyer]

Hi Byzantine... When AJ is not flipping out at me for one thing or another, he actually is very caring, considerate, and pleasant to be around...

After the chat about the contractor the conversation changed. He said he feels bad that he vents at me for no reason. That I should just ignore him and walk away.. (yes the is a good idea, I agree) but I went on to say that he should not even talk/scream at me so that I need to walk away. He said that I was right...He said he is trying... I said you need to try a lot harder... Don't make your family a war zone. Your family should be your "comfort zone" to recharge your battery and enjoy. Not to destroy and hurt......... If you talk to me this way, you will talk to your wife the same way and believe me, you will not have a happy home/family.... He said I made him think and he needed that...I said thinking is good, but you need to put some action to all that thinking your doing..... He agreed........that is for today........ what ab out tomorrow???????

Actually in many ways, AJ is a very sensitive person... ...Is like walking on eggs shells because I don't always know what "ticks" him off......Not making excuses for him... My stomach, nerves, and emotions can't take any more.

Everything is all mixed up...I just want folks to know that AJ is not always this God awful, nasty, ugly person.... That half the time he is pleasant to be around..

I am making excuses, aren't I! ??? Think I talked myself in a circle...... which solves absolutely nothing........

huggs

[radio_flyer]

Hi Fox... Hugs are ok...

Maybe I should visit that Poohbah forum... When I thought by error I had access to the poohbah forum, I peeked about.. Now that I know it is ok that I have access I haven't gone back...not even to peek... shrugs shoulders.... maybe instead of the world wide blog, a thread in the poohbah forum might be better....

OO it is good the contractor moved... I don't know why it feels better, yet it does...

hugggs

Thanks, radio_flyer. I was a nice guy too at times. It is the unpredictability that launches the stress level out of sight.

You two are working it. Good luck.

[radio_flyer]

Hi again Byzantine This has been gone on for almost a year.. Yes, it is the unpredictability that launches the stress...... And stress is my enemy...Has worn me down big time... I can't deal anymore with this.....Will see how long this lasts, "the calm time"..... I think he needs anger management....not tomorrow... he needs it today....I want to believe him that he "gets it" and will try....Next blow up, I am outta here for sure........I don't know why I just don't up and leave.....Nothing holding me back but me........

You love him and want it to work. We shall see.