Question.

Why is it people here and on other sites start a thread and if people don't agree with them they get nasty ?

I believe nastiness is often a chain effect. Someone was nasty to them and so they are nasty to someone else. Maybe it triggered a memory. Maybe it hit too close to home. Maybe they had a really bad day. Maybe someone posted nastily on a thread they made on a forum and so they decided since someone did it to them, it was okay for them. Sometimes what someone else might find nasty, the person who posted it thought it was perfectly fine. There's no one reason.

I also believe the same for kindness.

I have seen it time and time again, someone starts a thread with a point of view and maybe even go as far as ask advice !

If its not what they want to hear they start sounding off ! Why ask for advice or post a thread if you are going to get annoyed if someone disagrees with you ?

Everyone is entitled to their point of view .....

The thread starter has made it public so why get annoyed ?

IDK - Probably because the thread was started for support or advice based on how the poster was feeling toward some thing and then some one else has the nerve to come into the support thread and tell the person how they should be feeling or even have the audacity to preceded with telling the poster how they are wrong.... some people just don't get the word SUPPORT.

Because they want people to agree with their point. A lot of folks ask for conformation under the guise of asking for advice. You don't agree with them or have a different point of view and that pops their cork.

I agree with Guy... while many people can offer acceptance to all no matter if they are on our side of the fence or not... many other people cannot look beyond their own point of view, hence the drama.

I for one extend my ACCEPTANCE of ALL.... ((( hugs )))

I think the issue can be not only with the secondary posters but the OPs as well. Sometimes the OPs post somethig and they don't clarify what they need as far as support. They don't say "I just need a sounding bored", or "I just need folks to hear me". They don't always say whether they actually want an opinion or whether they just want folks to jump on the pity wagon with them. Being that the majority of us are not mind readers and we are communicating electronically, this opens the door for many misconceptions. I think the maturity level of both the OP and the secondary posters also comes in to play as well.

Kind of like this thread....as I read it, it began to feel snarky, like the purpose was more to complain and attack others than it was to really communicate and solve the issue. Since I'm not a mind reader, I am going to give you all the benefit of the doubt and presume that that wasn't the intent of the post. Being that, as someone has alredy mentioned, this is a support site. :!

I am in a good mood so this is just a plain curious question. No other motive, however good on you for pointing it out as it could easily be construed as something not so nice !

But no this is just a plain nosey question.

My suggestion is for everyone to read the Community Guidelines again.

Some people's responses or posts just bug me. I don't try and get "nasty" though. Usually just ignore them. Sometimes I just call people out on their crap post. It depends on the forum though... Obviously some forums have less rules than this one and things are more blunt and nasty.

Some people's posts just don't make any sense. It's like they didn't read the entire post and only picked out a few lines. I hate that! When you're asking for advice and type up like 3 paragraphs and someone just responds with one sentence and you're like..huh? Where did THAT come from? That's what they interpreted out of my post? Either they didn't read it, they're an idiot, or I'm the idiot for not typing clearly. It's frustrating and makes you feel more ignored than you would have been with 0 responses.

Some people type just to type and up their post count. Something like..
Anyone know what time it is?
Last I looked yesterday, it was 5:03am

Sometimes misinformed people will make statements that are scientifically incorrect. When correct information is posted to help them understand they get defensive and pissy. I don't post sometimes when incorrect information is posted because of these responses. The bad thing is that some other PC members then believe that the misinformation posted by the OP is scientifically valid.

I try to be supportive. To me that means not only emotional support for bad moods but helping people to understand valid scientific ideas based on research. But if people would rather believe an idea because it sounds good and they don't want to know the research that disproves the idea what do you do?

Honestly, what do you do? Do you post the correct science so at least other readers will know that the OP is misinformed or do you just let the OP feel better because they don't want to be wrong?

Depends on the subject really. Arguing science and research is like religion and political debates.

One problem with science is that there will be research supporting something and then another that disapproves it.

Not everybody here knows how to critique research. They don't realize that a small sample size in a study may not be valid and needs to be replicated on large scale. Or that simply because a hypothesis is true it does not mean that it is clinically significant.

One time I tried to explain to the OP in her thread why her thinking was skewed but she didn't want to hear it. She just wanted people to agree with her. A few people did agree with her but most did not and it started out as a discussion but the OP quickly became angry and instead of disagreeing with the ideas she began attacking and name calling. Some of those who were attacked responded with anger and the thread got deleted.

People are often emotionally invested in research and cannot discriminate between research studies. For example parents of children with autism support Dr Wakefield because he "found" a link between autism and MMR vaccine. He was paid a large sum of money by attorneys who were preparing a class action suit against the pharmaceutical company that makes the vaccine and Dr Wakefield's study was poor in so many ways (sample size =12, did not communicate with IRB, poor methods used in lab that may have contaminated specimens, and on and on). There have been twelve studies with 400,000 children since that do not agree with his findings but many parents disregard those studies and continue to support Dr Wakefield because they so very much want an answer to what causes autism that they will choose poor research that gives them a [false] answer than believe good, large scale research that disproves their belief.

It's the 21st century. The world has been transformed by scientific knowledge yet suspicion of science seems never to have been higher. Fear and anger have obliterated rational discourse. Facts and evidence are seen as just a matter of opinion, rather than a proven truth and blind unreasoning belief is considered as valid as critical thinking.

I know that the delusional people here cannot understand that their thinking is not true. I don't understand why some people cannot learn new ideas and change their thinking unless like the parents of autistic children they are emotionally invested in an idea and would rather have a wrong belief that makes them "feel" that they have power over an illness.

I think maybe they are feeling nasty and decide to get nasty because every little thing to them at that time is taken as nasty and probably is not nasty to begin with but it can be a nasty feeling when nasty people get nasty. Don't ya think.

I know it's common on other sites, and that's why I don't frequent those sites. But it isn't really allowed here. If you see a nasty comment, especially one attacking the poster's views rather than posting their own, report it. Admin doesn't read every post, and when you report it, that allows them to view it and make sure it's allowed...or edit it.

This is a mental health support site. With that said, it's necessary to remember that people who post here have to take extra effort to give a good response, as they are ailing themselves. I think the membership does a pretty good job in all. A few members struggle more than others at times though.

Also, remember it's what state of mind the reader is in too, as to how the post is taken. Sometimes the reader ends up reading between the lines and fully misunderstanding the intent of the poster.

That's just NASTY!!

I don't get nasty at people. I've been attacked on 2 forums already and have had to leave because of it. It wasn't just 'difference of opinion' but a straight out attack, name calling, labeling. I am a bit withheld about a lot of what I share on here now and panic after every thread I make.

I do try to be as empathetic as I can, you get your message across a great deal better if you explain it in a civilized manner, over taking a stab. I try to think how my comment might hurt someone if I am angry, and I how I feel when someone attacks me.
If you want your view to be heard then do it with class, people are more likely to read what you actually have to say without the emotion on top of it. If you get angry people are only going to get defensive and attack back, and not take your view into account at all.

There is no need to be nasty to anyone. People can maturely disagree on something without taking a stab or getting cocky with their own views.
I think one of the reasons people do get an attitude is because they can get triggered by a topic and the natural thing to do in the middle of a trigger is to get worked up and become defensive. So the risk of someone getting worked up is always going to be there. In the end it's their own reputation they're affecting but not keeping a level of control.

We are all hear to give support and get support, we all have our own ways of healing. Some people need advice, some people just need to get some things off their chest, some people just aren't sure what they want. For a lot of people this place is the only place that there is anyone to even talk to, at all. So we shouldn't ruin that by building up tension between each other.

Love, don't hate, L-O-V-E.

There have been some very good answers, thank you !

It has cleared up my thinking in many ways.

Now remains one more question.

How do we avoid it in the future on this particular site which as many have pointed out is a support site first and foremost ?

That's what I am wondering.

Recently somebody was seeking help about their child's ADHD and a poster stated that sugar would cause ADHD or worsen it, can't recall exactly how stated. But while many people do think this is true the research shows that sugar has no more effect to produce hyperactivity on children with ADHD than it does to energize normal children.

So I was thinking to myself, should I post the research conclusions or not? I decided that this misinformation would not actually harm anybody because reducing a child's sugar intake is a good idea irregardless that it has no correlation to hyperactivity. But sometimes people post misinformation that can potentially be harmful so those are the ones where I speak up.

I have found no matter what webiste you go to there is always going to be those few that are just out looking for a fight because they dont feel good or because they dont like a certain poster so they set out to pick fights with those replying or those asking for help.

here on PC I have found using the ignore thingy works real good for those times when you find someone is being nasty like this to others or even to you.
this way you dont have to read anything by or have any interaction with those nasty people who are just out looking for a fight. somewhere around here theres a post about how to do it.. I just go to the persons profile and its in there.

...Many times when I post or respond to a post, I may not be in a good frame of mind myself, possibly depressed or manic at the time. Its frustrating, because at the time Im posting or responding I may not even know Im doing it in the wrong frame of mind. I go back and read what I wrote, and think what the blank was I thinking when I wrote that. I would hope that no one would intentionally try to be nasty or offensive, I know I dont. We all have mental issues. We need to take that into consideration. Doesnt make it any easier to swallow an offensive post though. I usually ask a moderator to remove my response ASAP, and PM the person I offended with an apology, if its possible. My deepest apology to anyone I may have offended on this site. My mind plays tricks with my head sometimes.

Some more really good points !

Rather than replying in anger (which I certainly have done in the past but am trying not to in the future) we could all take on board some of them ?

I know I am going to try I am also going to re read them so they stick in my brain.

Any more ?

I enjoyed reading this thread--thanks Tishie!!

I have found (after being downright ambushed on another forum--triggered really badly by it) that I must keep my cool; this is done by not taking myself, and my opinions so seriously.

Somebody takes issue with me-eh- that's for them to own.

I can't afford the drama----------------------theo

I think the questions here are good, but lets remember that this IS a support site and by mentioning specific situations can hurt other members who may have been having an "off" day with their responses.

This is a community, not everyone in every community gets along with everyone else. That is life. I think the best rule to live by in any community is the golden rule..... Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Not always an easy task, but there are so many things one can do when feeling stressed, triggered, angry about a post.....

1. Walk away from the computer
2. View a different thread/forum
3. Write down your feelings in notepad but do not post
4. Take a nap
5. Breathe, breathe and breathe again
6. Realize that we do NOT have to respond to everything we read, especially those things that make us upset or that we know not to be truths. Our truths are not always the same for others.
7. Play a game online
8. Report a post you think is against guidelines - refrain from answering post so as not to contribute to guideline infractions
9. pm a mod/admin and say, "I need to get this out because it's pissing me off!!!"
10. Breathe again
11. Put the member on ignore for a time until you feel more in control
12. Smother them with kindness and compassion
13. Reach out to someone as a friend, you both may learn something about each other
14. Read jokes - get laughing

I'm sure there are many other things one can do to reduce the initial emotional reaction to a thread/post/attitude/belief/theory etc etc etc.

Hope you find my ideas helpful

In my eyes, everyone here deserves support.....I'm here for you!


sabby

This really made me laugh Chris - thank you. Reminded me of that guy on TV who's famous for rambling on about nothing in particular and confuses the heck out of people(can't remember his name)