[Yoda]

So you may have seen my posts about hoarding and my mess. I filmed with TLC for their hoarding show and part of the benefit was they paid for a professional organizer and a therapist for several visits. The organizer has some strange traits but she has really worked her butt off in the past month. The organizer suggested that we contact a group called Rebuilding Together. She had not worked with them previously but because I was too embarrassed to hire plumber, electrician, et cetera I have some problems they can help fix. From what I understand they are a nonprofit group that helps the elderly and disabled to keep their house maintained to a safe level.

A couple of weeks ago a representative from the group came to look at my house. The kitchen sink has not been working for about a year. We have electrical shorts and have not had electric in my son's room for several years and no electric in bathroom most of this year. The guy said that he would consider my house an emergency and get someone out asap. I am not sure if it is emergency because of the electric and possible fire hazard or because we cannot cook. He also said that our electrical problems were more severe than most households they work with and he would send a certified, licensed electrician to help us.

So anyway Friday a couple of men from Rebuilding came to work on my house. The one guy seemed more like a 'helper' kind of guy. The other guy was the 'in charge' guy. Let's call the 'in charge' guy W. So W was looking at the electrical problems and he pulled the switch in the bathroom and there was no electricity to it so he said he would have to knock a hole in the wall to find the problem. Doesn't sound like a licensed electrician to me.

In the kitchen he mentioned that he had a snake but for whatever reason he chose not to use the snake to clear the drain. Instead he took the pipes loose and both sides of the sink were full of grease. He put in new pipe to part of the sink and took out the nonworking garbage disposal. He mentioned that the sink draining was necessary but having the dishwasher hooked up to work was a luxury. Okay Whatever. No big deal. Then he left and said he was going to Lowes. Came back later with stuff for my dishwasher and he said I wasn't supposed to buy this for you so keep it secret. He said it cost $20 and I said I would be happy to pay for it and he says, no, no just keep quiet and don't say anything and I will come back on my own time and you can pay me to hook up your dishwasher and stuff.

W noticed my vinyl records and mentioned that he collected vinyl too and like to listen to them on his turntable. When he was finished in the kitchen he looked at my stuff and mentioned one he particularly liked. I told him he could keep it as a friendly jesture. No big deal. Not one of my favorities and not worth much. Then he was looking at my Beatles 45's. They are mint and I plan to sell them on ebay when Paul McCartney dies someday (yes I am an opportunist but I am honest about it). So W says hey I really like this one, can I have it? I said no, I am keeping all the Beatles for now. Then he starts pressuring me to give it to him. Saying I fixed your sink for free (yes free to me but I am certain W was paid for his time by Rebuilding), I am going to fix your dishwasher and electric. I helped you and all I want is this one record. Usually I am pretty firm but for whatever reason I caved in and said take it. I just wanted him to be gone.

Oh and another thing - W reeked of alcohol. I have not been around anybody drinking since I killed my alcoholic BF in 2000.

Today W left 2 voice mail asking me to call him. In the first he mentioned to keep our agreement secret. Well actually there was no agreement but he had said what he wanted to do and I said nothing.

So I emailed the therapist and asked what I should do. I am concerned that if W loses his job he may become angry at me and don't know what might happen. The therapist response was

Can you let the Rebuilding people know that you are not comfortable with W continuing? You could do this without giving more information if you are not comfortable doing that. You owe no one any explanation. Maybe they have someone else they can send, maybe not.

Same thing with W "we've decided to go in a different direction," short and sweet, might help keep it from turning into a worse conversation. I recommend the 'broken record' technique (saying the same sentence over and over if someone tries to argue with me). This usually helps if I stay with it.

His idea sounds reasonable. Then later this evening I was chatting with the organizer about our progress on the house and stuff. I mentioned all of this stuff about W. She said that she thought I should tell the local director of Rebuilding everything that happened and rat W out. She said I should ask for the return of my Beatles record and ask that W leave it at Rebuilding's office so he would not have to come to my house again. She thinks the record has a value of at least $50 and should be returned. She also said to show the Rebuilding director the stuff W bought for my dishwasher and return the stuff to Rebuilding to do with as they wish.

I don't know what to do. Both people have very different solutions. Perhaps because of their background. One is a therapist and concerned about the well being of his clients. The other is a self employed organizer married to an attorney and she is often offering unsolicited and sometimes bad advice.

What would you do in this situation? Would you do what either of these people suggest or something different? I am concerned for the well being for the other disabled and elderly that this guy may be pressuring and being unethical. But I am concerned for myself and my son mostly.

Hello, Yoda. You describe your therapist's advice as "reasonable." Your description of the conversation with the organizer and her advice is not that positive.

There is much more to do to put the house in better shape. As you say, the welfare of you and your son come first. Electrical hazards are serious business too. Ideally, I hope you may accomplish both.

[AAAAA]

I'm about to get on my soap box so buckle up.

If I understand it correctly, this organization helps the needy. By definition he should not even take so much as a cookie from you! He sounds like a predator! Some people are not aware of the value of the things in their home, how many people has he scammed before he got to your house? How many people were so grateful for the help that they just handed over whatever he asked? Does the organization that is helping the needy benefit from this? NO HE DOES.

I would contact the director and let him know what happened and why its making you feel uncomfortable. You seem to know that what he had done is wrong, you've discussed it with several people, what prevents you from bringing your concerns to the director?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I'm with AAAAA on this one...that record is worth way more than $50 and he stole it from you...If he's doing this with you he's doing it with others who are not in a position to stand up for themselves...

Get the record back and get this goose out of your house, hes a con artist taking advantage of people...vis the "lets keep it secret" this is a line ALL abusers use

Rhiannon

[Yoda]

Thanks for the feedback, folks. I am concerned that W will be angry at me for reporting him. I think part of that goes back to being abused by my boyfriend. All the times that I filed charges against my BF it made him angry and he called me a rat for reporting him. Never mind that holding me at gunpoint or throwing me through a wall was abuse. No he forced me to eat cheese on the last day of his life and that block of cheese with my teeth marks in it was taken as evidence by the state troopers after I shot my BF.

I will not accept abusive behavior any longer. It must stop. W knew well what he was doing was wrong or he would not have said to keep it secret. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I need to be the voice that stops W.

After our conversation the organizer emailed me the main contact that oversees the local division of Rebuilding. She also said

If you'd like a "witness," please feel free to "cc" me on the e-mail. I won't contact him, but it will let him know that others are concerned about your situation, etc.

I think that sending cc email to the organizer is a good way to say that we are not willing to quietly sweep this under the rug.

And this next part is priceless -

My son and I are major procrastinators. So we have not washed any of our dishes this weekend or used the sink. So this evening we were filling the cats' water bowl and noticed that the sink was draining very slowly. So I was thinking perhaps W did not clear enough of the grease from the pipes and I filled the sink half way full of hot water hoping that would move the grease along in the pipes. Then went to the store to buy food for our new fridge (Yay new fridge!) When we returned from the store the kitchen floor was drenched with the water that had leaked from the sink. Not only is W manipulative but he didn't do a good job of fixing the sink. GAH!

Sorry W but Yoda is not gonna take this and she has lots of friends at PsychCentral backing her up.

[Evening]

Originally Posted by Yoda

Sorry W but Yoda is not gonna take this and she has lots of friends at PsychCentral backing her up.

Gooooooo team!

[Sabrina]

I'm with the others. No matter how hard it is to do, he needs to be reported and be held responsible for his actions. Good luck.

[radio_flyer]

I am with AAAA on this one too... What I have learned over the years when someone does something for you and they want it kept a secret, there usually is a motivate behind it and it is not to benefit you one bit. He pressured you into giving him the Beatle record. Which in the long run, he did you no favor by paying $20 to fix whatever he was fixing.. right? He wanted and pretty much demanded something in return for that $20 favor...

I understand your fear of contacting the "director" as to what he has done and that he really did not do a good job and not to forget he smelled of alcohol and the $20 dollar secret...I'd ask for the Beatle record back too... Am sure the organization he is working for will not be happy with what he has done.....

Maybe your therapist could contact the "director" out of concern for you.


Sorry this has happened to you..

Sounds like a plan, Yoda. Good luck.

[Perna]

I would go with the therapist, just get the scary guy out of my life as quick as I could.

[AAAAA]

Is it possible to split the difference? Did the second employee witness any of this? RF had a good idea I think. If you are afraid of reprisals can you have a third party email the director saying something like: I admire the work that your organization does but I think you should be aware that one of your employees is tarnishing that reputation by soliciting "gifts" from your clients. The client that I am writing on behalf of will not come forward because he/she is afraid of what W will do. I understand that by withholding the specifics of the situation puts you in an awkward position but I am sure if you question W and his assistant you will get to the heart of the matter.

[pachyderm]

Personally I would be concerned about reprisals, so I like AAAAA's suggestion, which I will add some quote marks to in order to make it clearer (to me!):

If you are afraid of reprisals can you have a third party email the director saying something like: "I admire the work that your organization does but I think you should be aware that one of your employees is tarnishing that reputation by soliciting "gifts" from your clients. The client that I am writing on behalf of will not come forward because he/she is afraid of what W will do. I understand that by withholding the specifics of the situation puts you in an awkward position but I am sure if you question W and his assistant you will get to the heart of the matter."

[Yoda]

I just now sent an email detailing the problem to Rebuilding local office. I am fearful of retaliation from W but somebody has to speak up. About a half hour ago W came to my house. I realized it was him and I did not answer the door. For about ten minutes he pounded really hard on my door and I was scared he might break the door down. I heard him trying to open the door and I was scared not knowing what to do if he should enter my house. In my email I wrote "I do not want W in my house or on my property ever again". I am feeling scared of what W might do. If he returns I will call 911 and tell them he is trespassing but I hope he doesn't come back here again.

Have you ever read any of Gavin De Beckers books?? The actions of W are depicted as predatory. You don't owe him anything at all. Not even an explaination. Contact the organization re: what needs to be fixed and your discomfort with W. Please keep yourself safe and have nothing more to do with this guy. The value of the record is negligable compared to your safety and well being.

[lynn P.]

I'm sorry this happened ((Yoda)). I'm wondering why they didn't send a more qualified person to do the job. I think you should call or email the person in charge and they need to tell W not to come to your house.

[AAAAA]

Good for you Yoda! I assume that the administration did not read your email before W came to your house. In any case IT IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE for anyone to attempt to enter your home without your permission!

[Yoda]

I talked to the director. He said W is a recovering alcoholic that has worked for them for six months. The board will have a meeting in the morning and W will get to offer his side of the story. They have told him to bring the Beatles record to the meeting; I said he could keep the other record because I had offered it to W as a gift. W has been told not to come to my house and not to contact me. I am pretty nervous about what he might do. I told my son what to do in case he does come back - call 911, stay in a room without windows in case he brings a gun, do not open the door under any circumstances, ... My son went with me to feed my horse this evening. This is really triggering my PTSD something awful.

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by Yoda

I talked to the director. He said W is a recovering alcoholic that has worked for them for six months. The board will have a meeting in the morning and W will get to offer his side of the story. They have told him to bring the Beatles record to the meeting; I said he could keep the other record because I had offered it to W as a gift. W has been told not to come to my house and not to contact me. I am pretty nervous about what he might do. I told my son what to do in case he does come back - call 911, stay in a room without windows in case he brings a gun, do not open the door under any circumstances, ... My son went with me to feed my horse this evening. This is really triggering my PTSD something awful.

((Yoda)) - it does sound like W has seriously triggered your PTSD. Can you take something to calm your nerves? Take some slow deep breaths and I don't think he'll come back.

[Yoda]

yep PTSD is raging tonight. I am on alert wondering what might happen. I probably should take some xanax but I am afraid to relax. This sucks.

You are in my thoughts, Yoda.

[lonegael]

(((((((((((Yoda)))))))))))) This man, as you know, is WAY out of line, and just because he is a "recovering" alchoholic (doesn't even sound like he is on the road yet!) does not mean that you have to put up with his frightening and prey on your weaknesses. A bully is a bully. Stick to your guns, dear!!! HUGGGGSSS and passing the ammo!

[lynn P.]

How are you feeling today Yoda??

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

How are you feeling today Yoda??

Anxious. Wondering am I over reacting because of my PTSD and all. I think I may be more upset than a person who has never been battered but nevertheless W was inappropriate trying to pressure me to give him what he wanted. The smell of the alcohol on him and his forceful personality was/is upsetting me more than anything else.

I about had a cow this afternoon when I heard somebody pounding on my front door and I thought oh shi-, here it comes. It was the Schwans delivery guy though.

I don't know what all happened at the meeting but I will be receiving my vinyl records back and they are going to send a licensed electrician to fix my electric. I don't know who will fix my sink. It sucks that we got the kitchen cleaned up and I have my new fridge but I still have to wash dishes in the bathroom.

Taking some extra xanax. Hope I can get some sleep.

Hope it all works out for the best, Yoda.

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by Yoda

Anxious. Wondering am I over reacting because of my PTSD and all. I think I may be more upset than a person who has never been battered but nevertheless W was inappropriate trying to pressure me to give him what he wanted. The smell of the alcohol on him and his forceful personality was/is upsetting me more than anything else.

I about had a cow this afternoon when I heard somebody pounding on my front door and I thought oh shi-, here it comes. It was the Schwans delivery guy though.

I don't know what all happened at the meeting but I will be receiving my vinyl records back and they are going to send a licensed electrician to fix my electric. I don't know who will fix my sink. It sucks that we got the kitchen cleaned up and I have my new fridge but I still have to wash dishes in the bathroom.

Taking some extra xanax. Hope I can get some sleep.

Explain to who ever's in charge of fixing your sink -that it wasn't done correctly -they should send someone to fix it right. I'm surprised they didn't initially send a licensed electrician - I didn't think it was allowed to have an unlicensed electrician do work - it can be dangerous too, if it's not done properly.

Off topic:

Thirteen years ago before I had my girls, my house was broken into by two men, while I was in the house. I was sleeping and heard someone knock but I didn't want to answer. Well they broke in - I was in my upstairs bedroom. I heard a noise and got up and went into the hall. As I entered the hallway, they were coming up the stairs -so there we were face to face. In an instant I remembered a show about not becoming a victim - they said never give the impression you're scared. Oh I forgot to mention I was standing in a Tshirt and underwear lol. They were on the stairs and I was on the other side if the bannister in the hall. I said "what the hell are you doing in MY house". The one guy said "well you didn't answer". So I said "you mean that gives you the right to break into my house". He said nothing. I said "get out of my house immediately". They listened and left and I called the police.

Once they left I started to shake uncontrollably.......it was sinking in, how close I came to danger. I attended a victims of crime group. For about 6 months after, I was terrified every time someone knocked or rang the doorbell. I didn't know about PSTD but thinking back I think that's what I was feeling. So I know that feeling of panic as you described. Thanks for letting me share my story.