[lynn P.]

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/04/13...kids-young-11/

I wasn't sure if I should post this in Current Events because this was on the news last night - please move this if you feel it belongs there. I put it here because I wanted to branch out and discuss what's changing in our society, where 11 yr olds feel it's fine to have sex? We can also discuss the topic of mailing condoms to houses. For kids engaging in sex, I have my own theories - I think it's has to do with education at home, along with teaching family morals and enforcing strong self esteem. I also blame a large chunk of this, on free reign on the internet and porn.

This topic is important to me because I have 9 and 13 yr old daughters. I think it's scary and very sad, that a child is only innocent for 11 yrs. I get that if kids are already having sex, then it makes sense to supply them with condoms, but why are we in this position in the first place? Parents at my oldest daughters school got our own reality check when a 13 yr old girl sent pornographic pics of herself to a boy and he shared them with all his friends at school. The police and provincial sex crimes unit got involved.

The news show also mentioned a scary trend of group sex. I know I'm bit old fashioned, but when I was younger, the only people who did this were those fringe type groups - swingers etc. I also blame this on porn and lack of discussion/morals at home. If society is leaning in this direction now, what will it be like in 20's years?

[Can't Stop Crying]

I knew so many girls who were pregnant during their teen-age years it is unbelievable. I do believe it is up to the parents to provide the education and moral basis, but obviously that is not happening. I think that providing kids with condoms is not encouraging sex, they are already doing it, I think it encourages safer sex. It's a scary world we live in and kids who don't have an adult they can form a connection to need to have someone to help them...it's disappointing that it has to be the Health Department, but honestly, what is the alternative?

[Soul Quake]

America is absolutely horrendous when it comes to sex education, and the teen pregnancy rates prove it. We are starting to see the error of our ways, by formulating comprehensive sex education programs, although it certainly isn't widespread (Oregon seems to be in the lead). Hopefully in 20 years things will be different. After all, the article you posted states that the teen pregnancy rate has dropped 40% in the past 20 years.

[Yoda]

When my son was 15 or 16 years old I bought him some condoms and told him to practice putting them on for just in case. He did not have sex until he was 18 years old so I don't think giving him condoms encouraged him to be sexually active.

[Fresia]

I think about how young they are and hope that they aren't having sex. I hope that they have been educated to know what this means for themselves, their bodies, repercussions, and morally. If the parents aren't educating them, that family, or someone is. The other side though is that for whatever reason, they are choosing to have sex which is a decision they really aren't old enough to be making at such young ages, that they still do need to be protected as this can have lifelong impact as well, were they not protected.

On one hand I see that providing them with protection alone without education can be construed as approving of the decision and behavior, and cannot be condoned. I don't know how this mail order system and campaign has been set up but can see where basically 'send me condoms' in secret to the kids without some guidance could bring a whole host of issues.

[lynn P.]

Yoda - I think you were very responsible in educating your son and making sure he knew how to use protetion. I don't think teaching kids about this, encourages them to have sex.

Fresia - on the news segment I watched - they said that area felt compelled to do this because they know several 11 yr olds are having sex, because there are too many cases of STD's. Some are skipping school and going to each others houses. I agree if an 11 yr old is already going down this road - then it's important to offer protection.

What I wanted to discuss more of - is why are 11 yr olds having sex and how can we as parents and society change this. I know this was a rare occurence even 15 yrs ago. Is it our culture, what they see in the media, not enough supervision and guidance at home? Where is this happening and why doesn't anyone know where these kids are? I have my own theories.

[(JD)]

Children are not children for very long any more as their bodies mature many years sooner than ours did. I blame the growth hormones in the cattle etc. It's important to have that chat with them I think before they reach 8 or 9 because their bodies are maturing then as ours did for 12-13?

You know, people are going to do what they're going to do, depending upon how they're taught to control their own bodies and make decisions. If condoms in the mail will prevent unwanted pregnancies that are all too soon terminated (for indeed a child of 11 having a baby would endanger both lives) then so be it. It's a sad society in which we live eh?

[RomanSunburn]

I was recently talking with a friend of mine about losing virginity. She comes from a very religious family, so I was fairly surprised to learn that she lost hers at 16. The way she explained it to me was that in her young mind everything that you did before sex automatically led to sex. She hadn't learned that it was okay to stop, okay to say "no, I don't want to go any further." She just assumed that once you started, you had to go all the way.

To me, that was kind of an eye opening experience. I didn't realize that some kids think that way. When I was younger, a friend of mine lost her virginity after dating someone for a short time and they had a very tumultuous relationship. I swore to myself that I wouldn't loose my virginity until I had dated a guy for at least a year.

Anyways, Lynn, I just wanted you to know that this thread basically sums up 70% of my fears about having children (the remaining 30% being part drugs part me being an awful mother). How will I make sure my kids don't end up like these 11 year olds having sex and sending naked pictures of themselves? I don't really remember my mother ever sitting me down and talking to me about self respect for my body/self... I think it was just something I knew... (maybe from her actions? my older sister?) I really have no idea, and it terrifies me because I'm not sure I'm going to know when I do have kids how to make sure they don't do these things. Heck, I don't even want them drinking or doing any drugs in school, but I don't want them to get to college and start immediately making poor decisions because I wouldn't let them for the first 18 years of their lives. I want them to wait until they are old enough to understand what they are doing and the consequences. I don't want them to be "prudes" or teetotalers all their lives, I just want them to understand and make good decisions...

Okay, sorry that got so long. This has been something I worry about a lot lately, what with being engaged, looking at houses, realizing that I'm not a kid myself anymore and that a family of my own isn't too far away....

[lynn P.]

You wrote a very good post RomanSunburn - I think your rule about dating for a year is great - that way a couple can see if they connect well in other important areas besides sex. I agree it is really scary having kids. If you have these great morals, then chances are good, your kids will too.

It's even harder I think having girls - I have a 9 and 13 yr old. My grade 3 girl has 2 boys who like her in class and she's getting very annoyed. I'm almost thinking of intervening because the one boy is jealous of the other boy's attention and there's like this competition going on. The one boy cried for several days because the other boy claims he kissed my daughter on the cheek in kindergarden lol and he heard this. All we can do is educate them and be involved in their lives.

[DancingAlone]

p.s. to (JD) the levels of hormones given to cattle is regulated in the U.S., but in other countries such as South America, small children, even 4 and 5 years old, are growing breasts. this is very alarming.
*********

things are so very different now. i was encouraged tho, to see in my computer's Control Panel that Parental Controls can be set on a computer. so the children and young teens who are getting to porn sites, IMHO, are NOT being monitored at home. and it's as simple as checking search history too.

i wasn't allowed to date until i was 16 and i was so afraid i would be "16 and never been kissed". in college a dorm friend and i formed a "virginity club" and vowed to stay that way until marriage. this was in college!

i remember battling endlessly on dates with men that expected more than just a "make-out session". remember when you only went to "first base"? i held out relentlessly until my sophomore year, and i was sadly raped the first time i ever had sex. i don't want to talk about what that did to me. what if i had been 15, or 14?

i read a book years ago by Margaret Mead about growing up in Samoa i think it was. "children" married at 13 and it was just the way it was. but they were prepared for it by their parents.

but in most cultures, it doesn't fit well with me to know that children so young who don't even understand what it is to have a relationship are engaging in acts that, personally, demean love for the sake of bodily urges. i just don't believe that parents are teaching their children about respect for themselves and their bodies, about love, about sex itself.

we've moved away from the real meaning of having sex and it's just used for entertainment and experimental purposes now.

but yes, if they are going to do it, they need protection so children won't be having children.

one more thing and i'm done. i've heard that there are teenagers who are church members who are making pacts to not have sex until marriage and the churches are encouraging them. i think that's a highly responsible approach and at least they are getting the correct guidance somewhere.

ok, i'm done. just IMHO. thanks for listening.