Forgiveness is a project and a process that I undertook years ago to help me defuse and ameliorate the rage, resentment and anger that owned my life. Trying to forgive was an idea born from desperation and necessity after having been told I had a treatment resistant illness.

For years I had given the thought of forgiveness short shrift. I would not consider forgiving those, including god, who in my mind had been the cause of my malaise. A therapist told me my self-righteous indignation was hurting only me. Those words planted the seed for the course of forgiveness.

Mark Banschick, M.D., in an article entitled, Can You Forgive, begins by noting:

Can you forgive? From Jews preparing for Yom Kippur, the holiest Jewish day, to Catholics going to confession before Easter, all religions understand the healing power of forgiveness. Everyone can relate to carrying a grudge that's gone on for too long or feeling guilty for a wrongdoing that needs to be atoned. This is how we are built. As long as there are relationships, there will be a need for forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a powerful and affirmative part of our humanity. It should be differentiated from its close cousin, acceptance, which while important, is essentially, passive. For many, the healing power of forgiveness allows us to truly move on. It's a topic that is relevant to your life, whether you are religious or not, Jewish or not, guilty or not. A life lived without forgiveness is a life of real pain.

Forgiveness is essential in overcoming a divorce, but it has a place for everyone, regardless of age or level of hurt. The topic is timely, because, today, there is a lot of hurt in the world. People are out of work. Families are struggling to keep everything going, and many of our politicians and institutions seem to have let us down.

Everyone has something that they can be forgiven for and that they must forgive. This is a good time of the year to look at our own actions, how we rationalize dubious behavior and how we can step forward, even when injured, to take charge of our lives to the extent that it is possible. So, with this in mind, let's take a look at the many permutations of forgiveness. http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/75977

The permutations Dr. Banschick looks at are familiar to me. He fleshes out some in a helpful manner for me. My view is that forgiveness is a personal undertaking. Another time in the mental health arena where one size does not fit all. I anticipated I would have setbacks and I did. Even so, forgiveness was and is a worthy venture for me.

Dr. Banschick ends thusly:

Conclusion: forgiveness - an endless subject. There is much more to convey about the power of forgiveness. While it can heal our wounds, forgiveness does not come easily. If we have hurt others, making amends and working on ourselves is an answer that counts. If we have been hurt, make every effort to grieve the loss of innocence or of lost time - forgive in whatever way you can - and move forward. The future beckons.

Some people never forgive and never forget. They remain victims forever, not just victims of the insult that happened, but also to an identification with their wound that may have impact on future relationships and their sense of identity. While I have tremendous sympathy for the hurt and pain of victims (since I am Jewish, I know of this issue from our people's experience during the Holocaust), it can become an injury that never ends. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a technical term meant to deal with damage of unremitting victimhood (be it from human or non human sources). But you don't have to have PTSD to get stuck in the past. Victimhood, in divorce, marriage or as nations does not help in the long run. We must forgive what we can, grieve when we can't forgive - and yet remember what is necessary. There are always lessons. Perhaps the best one is that you survived to make something new and better.

In the end, our lives are about the stories we live and tell ourselves. Forgiveness is a story about putting the past in its place, letting go with an affirmative change in our hearts and living our present and our future. It has a power that is worth exploring, again and again.

May all my readers have a wonderful and blessed year ahead, filled with health and well being. May forgiveness be something alive in your life; a forgiveness that is honest and true.

This is a holy thing.

About.com has a lot of information about forgiveness here: http://depression.about.com/od/copin...orgiveness.htm

[Gus1234U]

what an important component in a healthy emotional life, Byz~! i believe that forgiveness is very much like letting go,,, of our own selfish judgements and conditions,,, which leads us to freedom and lightness. wonderful topic, thanks, and best wishes,, Gus

[gma45]

Brought tears to my eyes! As I think of all the people, places and things I have forgiven. Then I always come back to.....oops did I forget someone? Have I really forgave the one I need to forgive the most? ME! The answer is no. I have not given up though, there is hope. I am slow, but I am starting to grasp a future which I could not see before.