[Omers]

I have not been doing well for several weeks and haven't been around, just too stressed.
Well, last Monday the school had me pick up my on because he was "sick", got him home he was fine. Tuesday same call, said I wasn't picking him up he's fine... 5 min later "he has a fever you have to get him". Wed we go to the Dr... She agrees with me, he has allergies but is perfectly healthy and sees no indication of a fever the day before. Thursday I tell them what the Dr said, an hour later he got suspended until today. Friday my car died. Monday I had to meet with the school so they would let him back in, they were ugly, nasty bullies. Today my son went back to school for an hour before they suspended him again. So now he is home tomorrow and they have made it clear they don't want him back in the school. The only other school cannot teach him at grade level (it is for severely disabled kids), he is an A/B student. T left for vacation Friday and doesn't have openings for 3 weeks. At home my son is peeing and pooping everywhere (he is 12 and been using the potty for many years). He is trying to pee on people in public and will pull the stuffing stuff out of his pull ups and throw it at people. I think he is being SA at school but have no proof and he can't talk. My only local friend is out of town until Thursday and then moves out of state the 28th. My son's pediatrician doesn't know how I am still standing. Can't call the substitute T, we have a history. Called an old T who was trying to help but went on vacation Sunday. Told Pdoc how miserable I am. her first reply was "that's because your life sucks right now" (she meant it as an affirmation that my feelings were legitimate). She said she was going to call but hasn't, keep emailing, more promises, no calls.

I give

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by Omers

I have not been doing well for several weeks and haven't been around, just too stressed. Well, last Monday the school had me pick up my on because he was "sick", got him home he was fine. Tuesday same call, said I wasn't picking him up he's fine... 5 min later "he has a fever you have to get him". Wed we go to the Dr... She agrees with me, he has allergies but is perfectly healthy and sees no indication of a fever the day before. Thursday I tell them what the Dr said, an hour later he got suspended until today. Friday my car died. Monday I had to meet with the school so they would let him back in, they were ugly, nasty bullies. Today my son went back to school for an hour before they suspended him again. So now he is home tomorrow and they have made it clear they don't want him back in the school. The only other school cannot teach him at grade level (it is for severely disabled kids), he is an A/B student. T left for vacation Friday and doesn't have openings for 3 weeks. At home my son is peeing and pooping everywhere (he is 12 and been using the potty for many years). He is trying to pee on people in public and will pull the stuffing stuff out of his pull ups and throw it at people. I think he is being SA at school but have no proof and he can't talk. My only local friend is out of town until Thursday and then moves out of state the 28th. My son's pediatrician doesn't know how I am still standing. Can't call the substitute T, we have a history. Called an old T who was trying to help but went on vacation Sunday. Told Pdoc how miserable I am. her first reply was "that's because your life sucks right now" (she meant it as an affirmation that my feelings were legitimate). She said she was going to call but hasn't, keep emailing, more promises, no calls. I give

Oh, Omers,

What a situation. You're so tough! I can't believe. I couldn't do that. I don't know what to say. When you boil it down, can you keep your son at home with you or is this impossible with your work schedule? If not possible can you stash your son anywhere else while you're working? And if and when you can do that, is there any responsible party at the school who will give you the straight dope? Obviously your son needs to go back to school. What's the peeing and pooping business? What kinds of problems does he have in that area? Does HE have a T? What can you do to resolve that situation before he goes back to school? That would seem to be the crux, reading between the lines. Don't know if his pediatrician is going to be of any help here.

So, in the end, what are your son's problems and what does his school really have a problem with? Take care.

[Omers]

His school has a problem with special ed kids. They were bullies at the Meeting Monday but I had documentation. The school ultimately made themselves look stupid in front of the director of special ed. I have never has school faculty/staff (principal and 2 teachers) so abashedly attack a student. It was a barrage of how bad he is and how much nicer their classes are now that he is suspended. It was all personal attacks on my son rather than telling me the behaviors. They aren't even seeing the worst of his behaviors. They haven't tried to soak up urine from the carpet that has soaked down to the floor boards or scrub poop out of carpet or clothes. Or explain to a stranger that what just hit them in the head was a wet ball of cotton from my sons diaper. But I have to take him out with me because he isn't at school and I don't have any child care. I didn't even get a shower or bath from Thursday morning until Tuesday!
My son is nonverbal autism but very high functioning other than the language delays and some social stuff. He has the best T in the state for autism. The pediatrician it actually awesome. She wrote a nasty letter to the school about using "being sick" as a way to deal with behaviors and scolded them for encouraging his behaviors.
Before anyone goes there... Yes my son has autism but everyone agrees that he is very high functioning, never played with "bodily functions", and has been potty trained as long as I've known him. He is adopted, he was 6 when I met him, 12 now. So... Yes some kids with autism do gross things with bodily functions because of autism. That is not the case with my son. He is acting out, emotionally he is in pain and he doesn't have words to tell me why.

[Omers]

Oh, work... I mostly do sub-contracting so I can take on less jobs to be home.

[Omers]

Tried talking to my mother this morning too... her mother has cancer of the lungs (she is in the double digits of fights with various cancers) and a kidney infection that is not responding to anything. We haven't talked in several years but somehow that seems to be making it worse.

[likewater]

Sounds like this is the schools fault because they failed to meet his needs. It' s a shame your son cannot speak because i'd really like to hear what they've done to accomodate him. My heart breaks for the both of you. I'd love to nail your son's school to
thewall,but his, the other students and your well being id the only important thing. I dont know who can do that for you. Good luck. I wish you well.

[alwaysrejoice]

Wow I'm sorry you are having all these problems. I hope things get better for you soon, don't give up.

[gma45]

Originally Posted by Omers

His school has a problem with special ed kids. They were bullies at the Meeting Monday but I had documentation. The school ultimately made themselves look stupid in front of the director of special ed. I have never has school faculty/staff (principal and 2 teachers) so abashedly attack a student. It was a barrage of how bad he is and how much nicer their classes are now that he is suspended. It was all personal attacks on my son rather than telling me the behaviors. They aren't even seeing the worst of his behaviors. They haven't tried to soak up urine from the carpet that has soaked down to the floor boards or scrub poop out of carpet or clothes. Or explain to a stranger that what just hit them in the head was a wet ball of cotton from my sons diaper. But I have to take him out with me because he isn't at school and I don't have any child care. I didn't even get a shower or bath from Thursday morning until Tuesday!
My son is nonverbal autism but very high functioning other than the language delays and some social stuff. He has the best T in the state for autism. The pediatrician it actually awesome. She wrote a nasty letter to the school about using "being sick" as a way to deal with behaviors and scolded them for encouraging his behaviors.
Before anyone goes there... Yes my son has autism but everyone agrees that he is very high functioning, never played with "bodily functions", and has been potty trained as long as I've known him. He is adopted, he was 6 when I met him, 12 now. So... Yes some kids with autism do gross things with bodily functions because of autism. That is not the case with my son. He is acting out, emotionally he is in pain and he doesn't have words to tell me why.

Omers I feel for you! Sounds like the school teachers don't have a clue, sounds like something is happening in the classroom that he wants to get away from Teachers or other students possibly? Poor kid he is having such a rough time. Have you changed anything lately? diet? sleep? medication? I feel bad he can't get in to see anyone. You are strong. Sounds like it's time to find a sound proof room that you can use to go in and just scream! LET IT OUT! They don't offer any daycare for special needs where you are? And dealing with you poor Mom. I wish I had some answers for you or I could help in some way. Sending hugs that is the least I can do

[Omers]

I hve strongly considered sound proofing and padding my closet because my Pdoc won't let me go to the ER... OK, and I would lose custody of my son forever if I did.

[sesquipedalian]

Originally Posted by Omers

Tried talking to my mother this morning too... her mother has cancer of the lungs (she is in the double digits of fights with various cancers) and a kidney infection that is not responding to anything. We haven't talked in several years but somehow that seems to be making it worse.

Omers,
I agree that you are frankly amazing. I know that doesn't help and it sometimes doesn't even make it through your haze of anquish. But I still want you to hear it again.

Your son must have a 504 Accomodations plan. I am a regular education teacher, but these are federal documents so the fact that we're in different states shouldn't matter.

These are VERY LEGAL FEDERAL DOCCUMENTS. (We reg ed teachers are constantly warned about following the accomodations to the letter, so I know they are a big deal.) If your son doesn't have one, he must at least have an IEP. These are less federally intense, but still important.

Do you have someone on the districty level advising you on these issues with the school? They have an obligation to help you!!

In the meantime, stay tough. Stay standing.

[gma45]

Oh when I was a teen many years ago I worked at a little sandwich shop that had a little walk in frig. When we were not busy we would go in there and just scream. It really did help tremendously! Or like your signature say's...when all else fails...laugh. Is your son going to a public school?

Hello, Omers. You are in my thoughts.

[Open Eyes]

Your son cant talk but can he write out what it going on at school? I am sorry for you and your son, these children just don't understand why they are so different.
And they also really struggle with stress and just don't know what to do, that is why many of them do circles and even run in circles as it seems to calm them down.

I am sorry the school is not cooperating with you but it sounds like they are not truely equipped to handle your child and are clearly looking for a way out of that responsibility. Do you have any support groups around your area? You should search the net and see if there are any around, often people start up their own groups for support too. There has to be some kind of help you can receive from someone somewhere. Why not make a sign and picket the school with your son so you can get the news involved, (call the news ahead of time) and that may draw attention to the problem.

Omers there are more people than you realize out there fighting for help for these children, if you can't find them, than take action so they can find you, because your not alone, your just trying to be a good mother for this child and you deserve the help you need to accomplish that.
Omers, YOU HAVE TO BECOME AN ACTIVIST AND MAKE IT HAPPEN, NOT ONLY FOR YOUR SON BUT FOR ALL THE OTHERS. PEOPLE WILL HEAR YOU. MAKE A SIGN AND PICKET THAT SCHOOL.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

Seriously Omers, you DO give and you DO deserve to receive, so does that son.

Make noise now Omers. Your not only doing it for your son, but for others and they are out there I have met many in what I do and they do struggle. Your not alone, parents of these children face many more challenges than the typical parent. My neice has a child with autism and she really has a lot on her hands, it is truely challenging. You and all the other parents deserve to get all the help you need.

Open Eyes

Hope you and your son have a better day, Omers.

((((((Omers)))))) Gah,it is so disturbing to not know how to help.I had such an awful time getting help with middle child who has schizophrenia.We did get an IEP,and they accommodated him well.But the fact that your son can't tell you what is happening that relates to his obvious inner turmoil is a serious handicap to you having something to work with.I know how frustrating,mentally taxing,and pressed up against a wall that you must be feeling.I know how much it hurts and confuses to have someone you love also cause feelings of frustration.It is a swirl of emotion,guilt,desperation,and helplessness.You love them,are frustrated by them,and mad as hell that with all you do to do 'the right thing',that it seems to be 'not enough'.I deeply wish I could be of help.I am so sorry you are walking through this storm alone.

[Omers]

Thanks everyone
He is suspended again.
I do believe that the director of Special ed and the woman below her are on my side. At the very least they know better than to be against me.
We have a program out here called InSource to help parents with schools. Our school district has gotten really bad this year. Anyway... I am one of their volunteers and have the highest level of training they offer volunteers.
Yes, my son has an IEP but his IEP did not include a behavior plan because until now we never needed one.
The higher level special ed people know I am NOT the momma to mess with. I know the laws and our rights inside and out. They also know that I will go to any length to protect my son. This particular school is new to me even if the district knows me. The principal embarrassed himself.
We are taking it one day at a time. My son will be going to the special school. They can't keep up with him academically but I like the staff/administration better. I can make up the academics at home. But they can't move him until a week from Monday
But... he was quieter today.
I also got to meet with Pdoc today and as he is my major stress we talked about him a lot. She will start working with him Nov 14th and she is very excited. Pdoc stayed an hour after close with me today just giving me someone to talk to.
We will see what tomorrow brings. I don't want my son out of school until the Monday after next but I am not sending him back.

Good to hear you got some relief and some sense of a solution.