[TL]

I can't take credit for writing this, but thought I'd share it because it makes perfect sense.

LISTEN

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

LISTEN! All I asked was that you listen. Not talk or do - just hear me. Advice is cheap. And I can do for myself. I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people because God is mute and He doesn't give advice or fix things. "He" listens and lets you work it out for yourself.

So please listen and just hear me. And, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn and I'll listen to you.

[iamspecial]

Well sorry for being such a failure to you!! But like i siad......."as you wish is my command" I wont say another word notspecial

[Evening]

Uh, Im a little confused at the above comment?

[lynn P.]

I think if a person just wants someone to listen, they should say they don't want any input IMO. I agree listening is a valuable gift, but the receiver often doesn't know what to do. How often do we hear some women say, "I wish my partner would respond and comfort me" ...so often the listener is damned if we do and damned if we don't. If a person really wants an answer or help with a solution and the receiver doesn't say anything...then the speaker might think "oh wow he/she doesn't care or they're cold.

So what's the solution - the speaker can say "I really need to just vent and have you listen" or "can you listen and offer me some advice". The key is, communicate what you want and need. Many are people pleasers and they naturally feel the need to solve problems. In the case of posting - some may really want opinions/solutions and others might be content with a hug. Some think if we don't say anything then we're not empathizing.