[Yoda]

I am not a stupid person but I am making little to no progress to reach my goals. Bought a book a couple weeks ago about procrastination, started reading it, then lost it.

I have let the clutter get worse since TLC hired the organizer summer 2010 for their show. Barriers to getting my house cleaned now are that critters get into the trash cans except in winter so the trash bags just sit here until pickup day. Although I can put out fifteen bags each week often I haven't picked up much anyway. Last week I only picked up one bag for the whole week. The kitchen can't be used properly for cooking. If I cook in the oven I put fresh aluminum foil on a soiled pan. If I want to cook in a pan I have to wash it first, nothing is ever cleaned until it is needed. Of course we use disposable plates and cups. I want to make chicken fajitas but first I would have to clear counter space, search for the cutting board, wash a bowl to marinate the chicken and wash a skillet. So despite wanting to eat fajitas I don't want to do all that work. I much need a plumber to hook up my dishwasher to the drain but as you can see I have the barrier of sleep time plus the clutter needs to go.

I need to be making telephone calls during the daytime for more information about the RN refresher course and call social security and see if their Ticket to Work plan will help cover costs of the tuition. But I am awake E/N and asleep in D when I should be calling.

Part that makes it worse is I ran out of four of selegine, clozapine, neurontin and zonisamide at the end of December but had no money to fill them until the early Jan and then we had snow and ice. Since I lacked the meds my sleep got erratic and I increased doses of xanax and Restoril (to level I formerly took) to get sleep. My son thought I was manic and I agree. It was Friday four days ago before I finally got meds. Starting them back always makes me sleep longer for a few days.

Friday I got an email saying my senators would be home from DC and one had a town hall meeting and a 'coffee and common sense' meeting scheduled for today. You might have seen the thread I posted about the bills in congress and the senate that threaten to regulate the internet and censor sites seemingly on a whim. Internet sites could be shut down without courts determining if there is just cause. I very much wanted to go to a meeting today and I started reviewing notes and what points I would like to stress about the bills. But the sleep and meds problems made it hard for me to focus. I know some stuff about the bills but I did not feel that I could explain my concerns well. I'm not afraid to speak in public, I used to teach RNs and paramedics and gave presentations to MDs and RNs for collaborative practice but that was stuff I knew well. If I had had more time to prepare and/or if my sleep/meds hadn't been screwy maybe I could have explained my concerns to the senators. But I feel like I failed something that was important to me.

I keep failing. I lose track of paying bills. Haven't paid electric for 3 months; don't have enough to pay the full $700 so will have to ask for a payment plan or ask my mom for a donation. I have some model horses that I could sell but need daylight to photograph them because flash distorts their finish. And I need to call the man who said he would come back to fix my garage door but again I sleep all day so I don't communicate well with the 'normal' working world. If I could get this refresher course done I could work evening or night shifts but I need to be functional in the daytime or I can't do the refresher course.

How do you switch sleep cycles? On Christmas day we were supposed to meet my ex-H's family at his parents' house at 1pm. I reset the alarm from 11am to noon and then at noon told my son to call and ask his dad to pick him up because I couldn't make it. But I drank a couple cups of coffee and I was able to go and after some more coffee at their house I was functioning okay. But missing appointments because they are in the day is an ongoing problem for several years now. I try to schedule appts for late afternoon but still I miss some. I want to renew my ACLS certification but the class starts at 9am. I have no problems with the concepts but don't know how to be alert at 9am. There have been times I stayed up all night so I could go downtown to the pharmacy or whatever and sometimes I would feel like a brick had hit me before I got home and didn't like driving when I wasn't at my best.

That is my story.

Suggestions?

[unaluna]

I struggle with this too. My T would really like me to volunteer at the VA (and so would I, it's very convenient to my home) but I can't get caught up on my housework. Dishes never end. I am ready to join a nudist colony! He asked me today, what is it keeping me away from, what am I holding onto? I don't know.

[notz]

((((((((Yoda)))))))))

Originally Posted by Yoda

I am not a stupid person but I am making little to no progress to reach my goals. Bought a book a couple weeks ago about procrastination, started reading it, then lost it.

Persistence is to succeed despite obstacles. Maybe you borrow the same book at a library? What's the book called?

I have let the clutter get worse since TLC hired the organizer summer 2010 for their show. Barriers to getting my house cleaned now are that critters get into the trash cans except in winter so the trash bags just sit here until pickup day. Although I can put out fifteen bags each week often I haven't picked up much anyway. Last week I only picked up one bag for the whole week. The kitchen can't be used properly for cooking. If I cook in the oven I put fresh aluminum foil on a soiled pan. If I want to cook in a pan I have to wash it first, nothing is ever cleaned until it is needed. Of course we use disposable plates and cups. I want to make chicken fajitas but first I would have to clear counter space, search for the cutting board, wash a bowl to marinate the chicken and wash a skillet. So despite wanting to eat fajitas I don't want to do all that work. I much need a plumber to hook up my dishwasher to the drain but as you can see I have the barrier of sleep time plus the clutter needs to go.

I assume you have a hoarding problem? I see you also tend to only do things for the short-term, must admit I do that too. What helps is to not think of all the tasks that you have to do, as that just overwhelms. I also write down all the tasks I need to do each day and then tick them when I complete.

I need to be making telephone calls during the daytime for more information about the RN refresher course and call social security and see if their Ticket to Work plan will help cover costs of the tuition. But I am awake E/N and asleep in D when I should be calling.

Hopefully getting your meds back fixes this and you get back on a better sleep cycle?

My advice is pretty simple and/or patronizing to you, but I think I can say I've experienced a lot of what you seem to be going through anyway.

[radio_flyer]

Sending you big (((((((( yoda )))))))))). I have my days and nights mixed up too..

What I have found over the years is that when "it seems" too much at one time, I just do a little at a time and before you know you one "project" is completed. When I look at the whole "project" I get overwhelmed and nothing gets done..So for me, doing a little each day works.....

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Easier said than done, I know...You can only do what you can do... So take one day at a time...

[ECHOES]

((((Yoda)))

It is hard and it makes me think of my weight struggles. I can lose it but it comes back.

Some thoughts:
Did the show provide any professional contacts for you that you could get in touch with to help you now? I can't imagine it would be unusual to need additional help beyond the decluttering, because the decluttering just puts a person back to where they began and doesn't help with what happens after that. I cringe sometimes when I watch the show and they ask the person if they will commit to keeping up, as if it is only a matter of will. I think it is much deeper, and of course that's the point the show seems to be trying to get across, but then I just feel like maybe the person is kind of abandoned after the show and I worry about how they do afterwards.

Changing sleeping times can be hard, but I've read that it's helpful to do it one hour at a time until you are where you want to be. To begin, get up an hour earlier then go to bed an hour earlier. Other suggestions that have helped me are turning off all electronics and tv (at least) an hour before the time you want to go to bed. And if you do watch tv before bed, don't watch news programs - watch a comedy.

I use Xanax PRN and usually just a bit of one. But when I use it for sleep, it makes me very draggy (and depressed) when I take it for more than a couple of nights.

Can you get large outdoor trash containers with locking lids so the critters can't get in to get the trash and to mess up the containers? Could your son have that responsibility of taking out the trash and putting it in the trash containers whenever that needs to be done?

Sometimes I can get things done when I know someone is coming. I wonder if you could make an appointment for the plumber to come next week, then have that day be your current goal for making room for the plumber to hook up your dishwasher. It sounds like having that hooked up might be a really good thing for your kitchen, which would give your the gift of being able to cook and enjoy what you like to eat, which would improve your nutrition... one good thing creating a chain of other good things

When I have calls to make, sometimes I do something similar to the plumber suggestion. I schedule a day and time that I will call. Since I'm at my computer a lot ( as in way too much) I will write a list on a sticky note and keep it there so I can see it, and so I can make the call from a familiar place I suppose.

I'm also sometimes a list-maker when I really want to get some things done. Like if my sister is coming to visit for a week. A therapist actually got me doing that. It doesn't matter at all if the list is completed, it's just a list. I can choose anything to do, even if I have the list prioritized. When something is done, it is crossed out and I have a tangible record of my accomplishment. Even if it is just cleaning the cat box! Larger jobs I break down: "Clean the kitchen" is too much, so each job is listed: 1.) Throw out anything in fridge that needs to go. 2.) Take trash out. 3.) Wash the dishes. 4.) Wipe the counters. 5.) Sweep the floor. 6.) Mop the floor. Any job can be done, even though my list is prioritized (for example, I create trash and dirty dishes when I 'clean' the fridge, so trash and dishes are next on the list). Each completion is acknowledged and appreciated by my marking it off my list. It might sound too silly; that was my thought at first, but it turned out to be something that I like doing. For fun, I might add swear words to the chore

Does your electric company do automatic draft payments, so you can have the peace of mind of the bill being paid automatically from your bank account? Also, they may have a service where you chose a contact person and they will contact that person when a bill is unpaid, or if service is in danger of being discontinued.

So those are my thoughts. Sending you many

[Sabrina]

(((Yoda))) I wanted to let you know that I saw your show on Fri (we get things a little late in SA). I felt a lot of empathy for you and your fine son.

It also sounds like family is not doing anything to keep dishes washed or things tossed out. Recruit help from everybody in this. It is usually eaiser to start something if you have others willing to do it with you.

As ECHOES said, the sleeping pattern needs to be altered but start with one hour at a time. One hour difference a week.

[Rohag]

You are correct, Yoda. This has nothing to do with intelligence, of which you have no lack. Your conditions severely impair your ability to translate your plans into actions. You may in time find ways of moving forward toward your goals, yet I believe it would be best if you could enlist some practical assistance.

Are there aid agencies you could email at night or whenever you are active? They would receive your messages the next day.

You are like a fine automobile without a drive train. Frustrating.

[(JD)]

(((((YODA)))) You know this is a mental unwellness and needs professional treatment. That you have no ongoing help, well, it's not surprising that you are where you are in life.

Can you call the TLC organizer...just to make contact?

Some people do well with lists, as if they try and keep the things needing to be done "in their head" they are instantly overwhelmed. Often, putting things in a list shows that they aren't that many different things to get done...and also allows, as you know, a person to pick ONE to try and accomplish and feel better about it.

See if you can call that organizer, just to state what you posted here... reach out, that's all right now... okay?

[gma45]

Sending hugs (((((((Yoda)))))))) Dang critters! I know my friend had to put a big chain on her dumpster because of the bears, that was only in the summer though. Is there some way your waste management co. could work something out and maybe pick up extra for a while? Without charging you an arm and a leg? Small steps and when you can't sleep get up clean one pan a night. But don't just lie in bed at night with your head spinning get up! eventually you can get your sleep turned around like someone else said one hour a night. take care you are in my thoughts and prayers. I used to have a hard time getting motivated in the winter! I still have a hard time making phone calls.