[di meliora]

Criticism is a thorny topic. The mindset of both the giver and receiver of criticism is critical to achieving a worthwhile exchange.

Perhaps this article provides some useful tips: http://www.wikihow.com/Accept-Critic...d-Appreciation

If you want people to accept your criticism with grace and appreciation, you need to learn...

How To Give Constructive Criticism.

[di meliora]

Thanks, M.D. Your father taught you well.

Perhaps you should heed your own advice...

Originally Posted by di meliora

http://www.wikihow.com/Accept-Critic...d-Appreciation

[di meliora]

Good idea. Your father taught you well.

[chato]

listen -consider - apply if needed. Smile and say thank you - then move on.

[Open Eyes]

This is an interesting article di meliora, and I think that it may be something you are working on, me too. I have been working on how I deal with criticism as well. I have to say that it can be a challenge to someone who was abused or witnessed abuse, that is because many abusers DO criticize their victims.

Ok, it is interesting that you, Michael. found a need to post what you posted as well.
And I do know that both of you experienced abusive fathers. So, maybe you both were taught well unknowingly. But guess what, ME TOO. I have been critisized all my life, ever since I can remember and it DID effect me in more ways then I realized. I can remember that every time I tried to utter a sentence growing up, I never got to even finish the sentence without MY FATHER criticising almost every word somehow (He was well educated, well read and used a lot of big words). It got so bad that I EVENTUALLY EXPERIENCED GREAT DIFFICULTY in talking without tripping over my words somehow, ESPECIALLY WITH ADULTS OR EDUCATED PEOPLE. I had to work hard to overcome a speech disability and can still have difficulty, when stressed, with my speech. I have also noticed it in my writing as well. On bad days I mis-spell, and even leave out words. Big words, as I call them, can still trigger me to this day and as I know my father only wanted to improve my use of words, his method of doing so was wrong and disabling.

There were so many ways I was criticized and YES it can truely be a form of supression, oppression, and abuse. I have to admit that it IS a TRIGGER to me and I DO have to practice the method that is discribed in the article di meliora posted. I have been triggered in PC and it did give me an opportunity to better work on using the methods mentioned. However, IRL, it is not as easy, I admitt that sometimes I do often respond in anger, especially with my husband who can and does habitually criticize me not even realizing he does it. I have often felt that I wish that I had a tape recorder on me whenever I am with him so I could show him how much he does it all the time.

STOP, and consider the SOURCE has been a CONSTANT with me. Because I struggle with PTSD and there is a lot of Criticism in my past, it can be a challenge for me because it isn't just a simple process of stopping and thinking. The first thing that often happens to me is an immediate physical response of often a flood of ANXIETY often quickly feeding anger.

So, has it happened to me in PC? Yes, and do I always respond appropriately? NO.
However, because there is a visual, often others CAN see it as well, which can be very helpful and something I don't usually have IRL. And the other thing that helps is that I get to revisit it and think about it and practice the steps mentioned. And I DO get to CONSIDER THE SOURCE and think about it. That HAS helped me LEARN in many ways. In PC I can visit a profile and think about the other person and their life experiences and why they might somehow address me in a way that could be much better, productive and supportive, rather then the way they DID address me. But it isn't just about the other person LACKING somehow, it may even be that the other person like me might have been abused too and they too need to work on how they interact more.

RISING ABOVE is not always easy, I do admit that I DO STRUGGLE at times and I DO have to work on abstinence. And growing up I often absquatulated and can still have the strong urge to do so now. The steps discribed in the article you posted have been helpful to me di meliora, and I do learn much by using those steps, however I can still struggle to catch myself from an immediate angry, often perhaps even inappropriate response. I am working at it all the time, it is a challenge.

And Michael, your article is also helpful. There is an art to bypassing anger in both receiving and giving Criticism. If only more parents could practice this in front of their children "Oh what a Merry Christmas it would be".

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

The other thing many of us do is "SELF CRITICISM". I know I can be too critical of myself as I struggle to try to overcome PTSD. If anyone would like to contribute an additional article on that it would be helpful as I know many members here are also hard on themselves as well.

Open Eyes