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Arduos
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Member Since Mar 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 61
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Confused Apr 05, 2012 at 06:20 PM
  #1
I'm halfway through my associates degree, i'm one semester away from signing up for my nursing courses, I had great grades and my teaches loved me. One day I woke up and out of the blue I decided that everything was just too hard, I couldn't think as good as before, I couldn't memorize my notes and I gave up. I went from knowing what I wanted and going after it to just not caring.
Now I can add another notch to my belt of never finishing anything. I have never been at a job for over 14 months. I want to finish my associates degree but I already know what will happen! I'm to the point that i'm thinking about asking my doctor about disability, at least that will be one stable thing I can do in my life.
EVERYBODY I know thinks I just give up on things, but really that isn't so. For some reason I change, I can't really describe it, it's weird. I felt myself over a period of 2-3 weeks declining and I couldn't remember what was talked about in class or I had to read a paragraph over and over and I STILL couldn't remember or comprehend what it was about, But before I could look at it once and I immediately knew it.
Do you know how it feels to know the potential you are capable of? To know that you are actually one smart cookie, but no matter how hard you try or force yourself you can't tap into that knowledge? I feel like i'm looking out a foggy mirror at myself and wondering where I went. It kills me to know that if I wasn't bipolar I could have achieved so much, and instead of pushing away all the great people I have met I could have some really great friends. Or I could at least talk to my family sometimes instead of hitting ignore on my phone.
I'm to the point of saying the hell with finishing college or trying to maintain a job for over a year I've tried several times and eventually I loose my motivation and I end up never showing back at a great job, no notice or anything, I just quit. No call, no show! I never missed a day and I excelled in my work and loved my job!
I think Ii'm going to sign up for disability to help my husband out. He makes great money but sometimes I feel useless because I can't pitch in for food or a fishing trip. It sucks....... but this is my life, and I have to live with it....

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Arduos
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Member Since Mar 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 61
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Default Apr 05, 2012 at 07:01 PM
  #2
Sorry, I posted this in the wrong section, I had the wrong window open, I re posted it in the right forum, you can erase this if you want, again i'm sorry about this.

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