[Trippin2.0]

Women get brainwashed from the get go as little girls, with tales of knights in shining armour, then the daily dose of soapies, romantic novels and movies alike. Nobody thinks to add a disclaimer, that men don't act like this, and decent men get dumped for being thoughtless...
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Wining and dining, dozens of roses and champaigne, poetry, cards, gifts and songs are nice yes, no doubt, but not something I ever sought after, it doesn't reveal anything to me about a man except he's watched some RomComs, and might have money to throw around. Me, I'm simple, I like good company, wordless conversations, feeling a connection. Treat me right, make time for me in your busy schedule, hold me, listen to me, and then I'm quite happy (ask my ex) mayb that's my interpretation of romance...
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Lots of men woo women with all these wonderful gestures, which is sweet really, and socially expected in order for romance to develop and flourish, but as the relationship progresses, the gestures become smaller and fewer. I don't blame them, I mean who can keep up even if you wanted to? You get married have kids, work a job or 2, or have a demanding career. The economy plummets, you know, life happens...
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But by then the woman is thinking, he's not romantic afterall, he doesn't appreciate me,etc. Truth is, men shouldn't provide what they can't deliver indefinitly coz it reinforces the Prince Charming thing, and sets the bar too high for them to keep up, and then the woman leaves, and the man is confused.
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I've seen this happen around me countless times, and no amount of reasoning gets thru to my brainwashed girl friends. It's sad...
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Yeah, I really think they should add a disclaimer eg. This was sucked out of my thumb, a story of how I wish relationships are, it is not a depiction of anything I've actually experienced. Funny how J.K Rowling didn't have to add a disclaimer yet nobody expected a nimbus 2000, and a game of quiddich (sp) on their next date
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Thoughts or discussions most welcome.
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Ps. For the record, I'm N0T against romance, I quite like the odd Romance novel, but it's an escape, nothing more.

[Trippin2.0]

Uhmm ok then, nobody has anything to say on the subject.

[carrie_ann]

i personally don't believe in romance, it's not reality, it's just a good selling point for movies, books, restaurant tables and chocolates etc ... companies make a fortune off gullible female customers ... just my opinion

IMHO, the media, film, advertising, marketing, fairy tales, peer pressure, parental pressure and the great RONO has brainwashed females into thinking what we should be and how we should be it. And if we aren't or don't, we are social failures. Actually, statistics show, sooo not true.

Equally for men to some extent; however, brainwashing in terms of the toys they own, the money they throw around and their jobs they hold.

Somewhere along the way, someone forgot to tell us: Women are their own thinking, feeling beings that have an important voice and their feelings, dreams, desires, wants and wishes are important and valid. And men aren't their jobs and money isn't everything.

But I also think it's VERY complicated in that ultimately everyone is just trying to make society happy and to "live the dream" until reality comes crashing down (for 75% of marrieds that divorce) and then, and only then, do we really get to define romance for what we truly want it to be.

[Timgt5]

Romance is what one makes of it. Some people love the sterotypical flowers, candy etc..For others it can be very simple gestures like helping out with household tasks or picking up your SO's favorite dinner on the way home.

I agree that whole industries (diamonds, greeting cards, roses) have been created around pursuing an ideal. This all of course stems from way way back when men had to prove their worthiness has providers to the women they wooed. Things are of course different now days as Women have asserted their material and financial independence in recent decades. Even so there are many out there who long for a "prince"

I think relationships like people go through stages. Young love is about enticement, exploration and impressive gestures, as love grows and evolves between people it moves into a stage of familiarity, where the gestures are much more subtle.

In some cases though many seek out the thrill of recapturing the euphoria of those early stages, often leading to extra marital affairs and potentially divorce.

I think women shouldn't expect men to always be the romantic ones. If women are in the mood to be that way, then they should go for it. I don't like receiving flowers really, it's a nice gesture, but they're a waste of money to me, they die too fast. I'd rather receive something more practical. I agree with Tim where doing simple things for someone works fine for me.

[Nicks_Nose]

I don't expect material romance. I do, however, expect honesty and respect. Men cannot seem to give that.

[carrie_ann]

Originally Posted by Nicks_Nose

I don't expect material romance. I do, however, expect honesty and respect. Men cannot seem to give that.

i personally think that's a bit of a generalization ... some men/ some women can, some can't ... but it's not right to tar everyone with the same brush.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Roz_G

i personally think that's a bit of a generalization ... some men/ some women can, some can't ... but it's not right to tar everyone with the same brush.

I agree yes, it's unfair to paint everybody with the same brush. I do however also value honesty and respect, and I get this from most men in my life, family or not...

[Nicks_Nose]

I get it from family and friends and relative, but it seems once intimacy enters the picture (physical pleasure) a lot of those values go out the window.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm sorry that that has been your experience, and understand what you mean, it has happened to me too, and it hurt, but for me it was just that 1 particular man. They're not all like that.

[mommyof2girls]

I pesonally love Romance.....I like flowers, dinners, long walks hand in hand....I love the thought of growing old with someone....I just need to find that someone first!!! (LOL)

[lynn P.]

I agree with you Trippin2.0 that as women we're conditioned by fairy tales and the media to find Prince Charming. What's more important is compatibility - I think high schools should teach this, along with how to fight fairly and signs of abusive/dysfunctional relationships. If a couple wants to marry - they should make sure they're compatible with how they want to raise kids, religion, sexual expectations, how they handle money and general morals - get some general relationship counseling.

As the relationship progresses and the infatuation stage fades, its good to know what pleases your partner. I agree with Tim, that a man helping around the house and doing a chore that pleases the woman is important.

[Trippin2.0]

I agree lynn. Early relationship and compatability councelling would help a great deal. It would make everybody atleast a little bit wiser in choosing a partner. Having an idea of your deal breakers is also a great advantage, bcoz alot of people only realize when they're faced with it, and that makes ending the relationship harder than usual, coz you've invested so much of your time and self and put your blood sweat and tears into working around something you ultimately cannot live with. And yes, help with chores score major brownie points as I view a relationship as a team effort.

[stevelovesyou]

Agreed.

Always said valentines was invented by Hallmark.. throw in the cheesy cliché of everything traditional and life becomes unrealistic.

What i've always found sweet are the simplist gestures of kindness.. even seeing girlfriends holding doors open for the disabled/elderly

I will confess to loving ' the notebook ' though(lol) ..maybe because those loving gestures is what the notebook was about.

[stevelovesyou]

Agreed.

Always said valentines was invented by Hallmark.. throw in the cheesy cliché of everything traditional and life becomes unrealistic.

What i've always found sweet are the simplist gestures of kindness.. even seeing girlfriends holding doors open for the disabled/elderly

I will confess to loving ' the notebook ' though(lol) ..maybe because those loving gestures is what the notebook was about.

I thought it was well known that the stereotypical romantic gestures are kinda lame. The media might propogate these traditions, but most of thinking, living, breathing society has moved on to a large extent, except maybe on Valentine's day.

[Nicks_Nose]

I would prefer a moment of impulse. Not officially created days of gift giving. Instead of buying flowers on valentine's day for me....take me to Subway if you see I am tired and don't want to cook. Instead of chocolates on Easter, or a gift card on my birthday, get up voluntarily to help if you see me cleaning. If it is a boring day, let's get out of the house and explore town somewhere. Simple signs of thoughtfulness mean more than any flowers or candy on special occasions.