Checking in ( How do you feel today)?

Bummed that my best is not near good enough.

doing ok just not finding enough energy to complete some tasks

Sleep does wonders some times i am lazy I am not even fully dressed-- lounge about today till i have to get up and get moving i think -- maybe? idk...

toothache kicking again. needs a root canal and extraction but needs specialist who wants $$$$$. sheesh.

blue.....

... feeling steamrolled by someone...

Sick from a chest infection. Feeling very vulnerable.

Bleh. Broken sleep & wide awake...kitt-eh woke me. I am such a sucker with the lil dude.

meh- it has turned to be a mixed day-- I was really into work when there was stuff to do, I talked with a great co-worker that is older, maybe I am looking at life all wrong in the sense of work-- not what do i want to be when I grow up, but what do i want to do next
On another note, I am so tempted to delete my fb, but i just don't due to too many lovely great OLD buds that I never see do care a little about me and it is the only way I stay connected-- though I have been dwelling here these few moments on what my S/O told me saturday on "needing to let go of memories" which I don't full throttler believe in this idea of Letting them all go due to we need our memories to learn,
but I decided- why keep these old pictures of the dog that broke my heart and why I have so much disliking for his sister still due to what she did with it all, the cat that left and I got severally down about and some other things on my FB page?-- they are not current in my life right- (I still saved all the pictures though so in essences i have not let them go) but idk... Usually not a great sign when I want to disconnect as far as deleting and disappearing.. I wont this time around due to i know i will just make a new one, then have all the same people again for "friends"-- I did however last month was able to delete one toxic person with out thinking they would get mad, I did not care simply others though, idk-- like S/O's sister--- don't want drama.

Still a bit achy and hoping these clouds will break up soon. Forecast is showing possible sunshine for tomorrow. That should ease up on the joints.

How do I feel....How do I feel......How do I feel??....is neutral a feeling? Dismayed and wronged.

Googled; feelings list--you really can find everything on google!

i feel soo flat, nothing to say, indifferent, blank stare grrrrrrrrrr tired of it

Mixed feelings...

I feel hubby doesn't miss me half as much as I miss him!

cautiously optimistic

trying to get motivated to do more errands today.

On edge right now. I'm waiting for my therapy appointment, then my first DBT class... I'm a little nervous about the class, but mostly I'm on edge because I'm back to having to hide the cuts on my arm. There are several that didn't bleed, but the one deep one I had to put a gause on. So its even harder to hide cause it sticks out... Its been two days and I'm not sure it's closed up yet... It hasen't formed any scabs... I've never gone that deep, so it's worrying me: only adding to the on edge feeling. I haven't told my girlfriend I did it, but I'm afraid she'll find me out before it gets a chance to heal. Luckily its been a little chilly here, so I can get away with small hoodies and light long sleeve shirts, but not sure how long thats gonna last. But at least therapy is coming. I can get some of it out with my T. So I guess thats my positive note..

Losing it. I feel terribly exhausted, my head is aching from crying and I feel... horrible, exhausted and alone from having reached the point of brain-making-zero-sense, the point where it's all reaction, and having to pull myself out of it by myself. Should feel good and empowering, but it feels like crap.

I feel like crap today-- why have I stayed up? I went to just go look at stupid Facebook and the NEWS-- the NEWS triggered me-- I guess some chick in New York running around topless and it is ok-- should Colorado do it-- I read the comments due to I am mixed- At first I think, well ya know our bodies are our bodies, yes men go around shirtless, and i am just mixed..

Then as reading the comments from chauvinistic men of Only if the pretty ones do it-- then some man talking about the only women who disagree with this are the fat and ugly ones... I am like-- Right there- Thanks now I am the wagon more (Deleted)- just give up for i wont be able to handle that-

then to think that is all my S/O would think about while 'being with me' oh god-- thanks!! I am not just a warm body to be --

I need to go lay down- it's illegal right now in Co, so why worry.

Same feelings as yesterday...

I thought I would get some T sessions, but it is mostly referrals to what resources there are in the community and how the intake sessions resolves the situation that will best suit was is available within policy and procedures guidelines. I guess whatever they had set up is not T sessions because it seems like short term semi crisis line monitoring till I actually see a T that can prescribe me medications. It sounds like a long, painful wait for a T.
I have PC and at least one person each to phone and to email occasionally

Relieved..I am off work for two days now.

Optimize990h

hope it goes well for you

Grossly fat and adrift in a sea of temptations...

Kind of grumpy and irritable today. But also had some good moments. So I guess it's a mix...