[di meliora]

Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., talks about assertiveness here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/colle...stand-yourself

He states:

People who are non-assertive—that is, passive, verbally withholding, or overly deferential—generally don’t (and can’t) get their basic relational needs met. So they end up feeling frustrated, misunderstood, and unfulfilled. Ironically, though, individuals who are more aggressive than assertive similarly wind up feeling “cut off” from others, despite being much better at getting others to do their bidding. But through insistent, “bullying” demands and projecting the message that their own (ego-centered) needs are unquestionably more vital, more valuable, than anybody else’s, they eventually alienate those around them.

And offers these suggestions:

So, if you recognize yourself in any of these descriptions, here are a few suggestions. Before standing up for yourself in any particular circumstance:

• Consider where the other person is coming from. What do you think their thoughts and feelings might be? Could you begin simply by asking them?—or, before you respond, take into account what at least you imagine might be going on with them?

• How much do you really need to justify, or explain, yourself? Might it be enough simply to say that since your backgrounds and life experiences differ, it’s only natural that you wouldn’t see eye-to-eye on this matter?

• Think of how you can, non-attackingly, best clarify your perspective to them—that is, in a way that’s neither self-righteous (i.e., expounding on the superiority of your position) nor overly defensive (i.e., strenuously seeking to discredit or reject their unfavorable impression of you).

• Assure yourself that—without your consent—no one has the authority to invalidate you. That, unless you’ve been in flagrant denial about the facts of the situation, the prerogative to judge the validity of your thoughts and feelings belongs to you alone. And that you hardly need take up arms against someone else’s viewpoint.

Once you’ve learned how to mindfully stand up for yourself, you’ll find that you’ve greatly increased the odds that whatever you have to say will be better understood—and given more weight—than may ever have been the case previously.

Most often I am described as argumentative and overly assertive. These suggestions are useful.

[Open Eyes]

di meliora,

I almost didn't see this thread. Thank you for posting it.

What I was thinking when I read through it is what is going on in our election process and how the candidates are often "too aggressive". Maybe that is why so many citicizens tend to scratch their heads in wonder of who they should support.

Open Eyes

[LostMom3]

This was posted at just the time that I needed it, Thank you very much

[Nicks_Nose]

I wonder if the field of work some people work in might be an influence also. I am in Customer Service where the customer "is always right" and the trained behaviour is to be forever attentive to their needs over your own. This is bound to eventually come across into personal life habits.

Thanks for that ((((di)))). Work is going to be fascinating this week

Should be taught in schools formative years.