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  #1  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 02:17 PM
Tonker Tonker is offline
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I had a sister that passed away she used to call me and ask me if i wanted to hear her joke for the day she would tell me real corny jokes she always made me laugh im in need of some jokes do you have one you can share?
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  #2  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 02:28 PM
avlady avlady is offline
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Do you want to hear a dirty joke, a pig rolled in the mud
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  #3  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 02:29 PM
avlady avlady is offline
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that was too corney i know but i'm not a good joke teller
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  #4  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 02:30 PM
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ArthurDent ArthurDent is offline
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So this baby fur seal walked into a club...
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  #5  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 02:49 PM
Anonymous32935
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Why does coffee taste like mud?

Because it's ground. Pretty bad, I know.
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  #6  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 02:59 PM
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Travelinglady Travelinglady is offline
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Q: What did the mother buffalo say to her son as he was heading off to school?

A: "Bison."

Boo, hiss.
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  #7  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 02:59 PM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails various colors?
A: To hide in bowls of M&M candies.
Never seen an elephant in a bowl of M&M candies? See, it works!
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My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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  #8  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:07 PM
Tonker Tonker is offline
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You guys are great! Now i have the giggles
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  #9  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:09 PM
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Mike_J Mike_J is offline
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What does a fish say when it swims into a concrete wall?????? ...... DAM
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  #10  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:18 PM
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ellipsisdream ellipsisdream is offline
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Where does a polar bear keep his money? A snowbank.
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  #11  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:24 PM
anonymous112713
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What do you get when you cross a cow with a pogo stick?

Milk Shake
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  #12  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:26 PM
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Mike_J Mike_J is offline
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What does a snail say while riding on the back of a turtle? ......... WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
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“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi
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  #13  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:30 PM
Tonker Tonker is offline
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Thanks guys! I love how laughter turns your day around=)
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  #14  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:33 PM
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Mike_J Mike_J is offline
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OK, this is a not exactly Politically Correct and takes a bit to get...

Why is it dangerous to go out into the jungle between 3:00 and 4:00 PM?

Because that is when the Elephants are jumping out of the trees....
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“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi
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  #15  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:37 PM
Tonker Tonker is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike_J View Post
OK, this is a not exactly Politically Correct and takes a bit to get...

Why is it dangerous to go out into the jungle between 3:00 and 4:00 PM?

Because that is when the Elephants are jumping out of the trees....

Ok so im having a blond moment help me get this one=)
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  #16  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:49 PM
Anonymous32935
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Two more elephant jokes.

How do you kill a blue elephant?

With a blue elephant gun.

How do kill a red elephant?

Twist his trunk until he turns blue and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
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  #17  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:50 PM
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ArthurDent ArthurDent is offline
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I'm with Tonker. Let's pretend my gray hair is actually blond for the moment

And before Maranara says anything about my hair, or lack thereof, I was referring to what little is left.
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  #18  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:52 PM
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Mike_J Mike_J is offline
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Why are Pygmies so short?

They went out in the jungle between 3:00 and 4:00 PM

(it's a two part joke, before it makes sense, then it's still not very funny)
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“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi
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  #19  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:55 PM
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pegasus pegasus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike_J View Post
OK, this is a not exactly Politically Correct and takes a bit to get...

Why is it dangerous to go out into the jungle between 3:00 and 4:00 PM?

Because that is when the Elephants are jumping out of the trees....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike_J View Post
Why are Pygmies so short?

They went out in the jungle between 3:00 and 4:00 PM

(it's a two part joke, before it makes sense, then it's still not very funny)
He he!
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“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
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  #20  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:56 PM
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Mike_J Mike_J is offline
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What is red and white on the outside and grey on the inside?

An inside out Elephant...
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“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi
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  #21  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 03:59 PM
anonymous112713
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Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.

They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."

So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.

Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"

The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."
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  #22  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 04:04 PM
anonymous112713
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What is black and white and read all over?

A newspaper
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  #23  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 04:20 PM
Inedible Inedible is offline
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Two guys walked into a bar. The third ducked.
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  #24  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 04:31 PM
Anonymous32935
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ArthurDent View Post
I'm with Tonker. Let's pretend my gray hair is actually blond for the moment

And before Maranara says anything about my hair, or lack thereof, I was referring to what little is left.
I see you're starting to know me well. At least the me when I'm in a good mood.
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  #25  
Old Jan 31, 2013, 05:48 PM
Tonker Tonker is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike_J View Post
Why are Pygmies so short?

They went out in the jungle between 3:00 and 4:00 PM

(it's a two part joke, before it makes sense, then it's still not very funny)

Oh i get it ha ha ha ha! You set me up=)
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