[nicolerose]

i dont know how many people can relate to this, but ive been feeling really depressed because i deleted over 10 years worth of personal files.

basically had over 10 harddrives full of all of my digital files that represented my life since i was little. i had been collecting my files ever since i started to use a computer, in middle school. they included videos, photos, all my work, files from school since i was little.

i was feeling very depressed with my life and at a very low point in my life. the files represented who i was, i deleted them because i didnt want them to be reminders of myself which made me very depressed. so i deleted everything because i hated my life.

i have spent most of my life online on the internet and i have scanned in all my mail, receipts, old papers from school, everything is in digital form. i have even scanned in actual photos and put them online and threw away the originals. and now those are gone.
all my journal entries, all my photos of my whole life, videos, they are all gone. all my writings, everything.

unfortunately theres no way to recover them either, ive already sold the drives on craigslist.

i have spent years, sometimes over 10 hours/day on things that were on the drives, all that time is gone.

some people might think its just files, but you dont understand that it was everything that represents me. and how much time that i had spent on the things that i had saved. its like losing a photo album, or all your journals. i only kept a digital copy of everything. i deleted them last month, when i was feeling so depressed with my life. i still feel depressed about my life but right now i am regretting what i did.

i dont know how many people can relate to this but i feel really depressed and i dont know how to do with this. if anyone has any ideas to help please let me know
thanks

[spondiferous]

So many , Nicole.
I can totally relate to this.
I used to do this a lot more back in the day. But a couple of months, before I left the last place I was living in, I started downsizing all my stuff. I got rid of like three recycling bags or more of pictures, articles, artwork, all kinds of stuff. I have left boxes of old pictures and things at people's places in the past when I've had to move suddenly or gone to rehab, and never bothered going back to get them. Now that I'm older and more stable I have regret for these things. But I always just get into this mind frame of, It's not important. It doesn't matter. Sometimes I think it's because no one cares about me and holding onto them is a 'lie'. The last time I purged all of my stuff was because I felt that if I'm to be living in the 'moment' there was no point in holding onto mementos.