[Metalsauce]

Hi all. Exactly what it says on the tin. I'm very bad at starting conversations, though, unless I have a story to tell. So I'll tell you what I just did.

I was hungry earlier, and there wasn't any food in the house because I was too tired from work to go grocery shopping. So I went to a fast food place to eat. I've been trying to get better at empathizing with other people, and reading their moods from their facial expressions. It's something I'm notoriously bad at, as everyone's face seems to look angry to me if they're not outright smiling.

Anyway, I went to the counter to order, and the girl behind it looked so sad, it almost broke my heart. She clearly didn't want to be at work. She seemed tense and rigid. I don't know if I was projecting myself onto her, but she seemed very much like myself. Out of place, and miserable with it.

I treated her with respect, and even managed to genuinely smile at her. I wanted to impress upon her that she's not alone, that if she needs someone to talk to, I'm there. I couldn't bring myself to say it outright, though. I have no idea how she'd react to a complete stranger coming up and saying something like that, or whether it's socially appropriate at all to form an impromptu support group at one's place of work.

I ate my food, and read about schizoid personality disorder. I had overlooked it before, but it seemed to describe my methods of interacting with the world to a T. I was overjoyed that I wasn't narcissistic. It was all I had worried about since discovering the disorder.

When I left, I ordered a small item to go for my roommate. The same girl took my order, and she seemed like she was in a better mood. This made me question whether I had been projecting onto her even more.

What an irritating life I live sometimes. I'm never sure of anything, even (especially) myself.

[LaborIntensive]

At least you have a considerate nature. Don't worry maybe you will cultivate a way of being with strangers the more you think this way!

[Metalsauce]

It's so exhausting, though. I have to maintain a conscious effort to interact with people. And even then, I don't do it right. The people I work with have told me directly that they think I'm an alien in a human suit. My managers describe me as a machine. I don't think I'm a machine or an alien. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

On the other hand, though, I do like feeling unique. Not better, just unique. Which was why I was afraid I was a narcissist. I think I just have fleas, though.

And my nature really isn't very considerate. I just know that I hate to have my rights violated, and I usually like when others do nice things for me, so I consciously try to make everyone's stay on this planet as nice as possible. When I stop doing this, though, I'm the a**holiest a**hole you've ever met.

[LaborIntensive]

Originally Posted by Metalsauce

And my nature really isn't very considerate. I just know that I hate to have my rights violated, and I usually like when others do nice things for me, so I consciously try to make everyone's stay on this planet as nice as possible. When I stop doing this, though, I'm the a**holiest a**hole you've ever met.

[Metalsauce]

Explain..? Please..?

Seriously... Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I did....