[Evening]

I've noticed over the last 2 years as I've been trying to save for a house, that not everybody has had the, encouragment, that I would have expected. Maybe it is because my mother was always encouraging when I grew up, and never said or even implied that anything I wanted to do was remotely impossible, that I find it strange that so many people act as though something can't be done. Like when I told an optometrist I wanted to be a photographer and she said it would never happen because she wanted to do that to and it never worked out for her.
The same thing seems to happen in my quest for home ownership. Every now and again someone doesn't exactly seem as though they think I have the ability to ever do it. I get the 'yeah right, good luck with that', or get a lecture on all the financial aspects as though I'm naive and just expect to be handed a loan.

I found out today, from someone who works at my real estate agent that the land agent I've dealt with for a decade has been intentionally evading getting in contact with my landlords when I've asked, and told this person that she didn't think I could afford it. I was a little dumbfounded, I knew she seemed a bit concerned, and when I asked if I could get in contact with my landlords she would always say 'I don't think now is the right time to ask'. Now I know it's not because my landlords had already told her they didn't want to sell to me like I'd thought, but because she was trying to stop me from asking because she thinks I haven't got the ability to do it.

Even though I'm a little annoyed, this just makes me want to buy a house even more. There is nothing more satisfying to me than being told I can't achieve something big, and then doing it, and subconciously rubbing it in the faces of the people who were so negative to me. I may have come from a pretty crappy background, and I know my land agent is aware of all of that. But that was a decade ago, and I'm going to go and buy myself a damn house.

[RainbowDay]

percent. Well said. And yes to answer ur question, other peoples negativity does motivate me too. Im sure we all already posses the "keys" to a house, we just must believe, go out there and "open the door"

[ChipperMonkey]

Screw them. Seriously.

I have come across SO many negative people that it isn't even funny. I just don't get it! I've never been the type to tell someone they can't do something, or be negative when they tell me they want to do something positive in their life like get a new job, or go on a vacation, or move, or....whatever. Simply put, it is not my place to judge! If someone trusts me enough to tell me an important goal of theirs, the least I can do is support them! Now granted, if it was a crazy goal that could have very real negative effects, I would say so, as a friend. However, I've never come across such a situation.

I have one friend who has severe PTSD and deals with debilitating effects. He has lofty goals for his career. I very much worry about him and yes, I do fear that his disorder may hold him back. (I have PTSD, too, so I know how debilitating it can be.) Do I express my concerns for him? HECK NO! It is my job as a trusted friend to support him! He is definitely smart enough to succeed in his chosen career field, its just that I worry about the stress level. The very least I can do for a friend is support them, given that this world is SO full of negativity.

Ignore the nay-sayers. Let their negativity push you to greater heights. I know its horrible to do things out of spite, but at the same time, its like showing an ex how great you look now after he dumped you because you weren't good looking enough for him.

[Hellion]

No it does the opposite of motivate me.

[Jan1212]

Sometimes. I wanted a change in careers and my mom said I probably can't get in X school. My dad said it's hard and not get disappointed if I don't make it.. I applied and got accepted. My teacher told me to drop out, I graduated after hard work.

You can buy a decent house in certain areas, it's really cheap. My area the average house is 600k.. Some it's only 90k. Did you fire your agent?

[Grey Matter]

Motivates me. If people are ignorant enough to believe that their hate will dictate your choices, I do it anyway and then I have to hear "im glad I supported you" rolling eyes.

[Evening]

Originally Posted by Jan1212

Sometimes. I wanted a change in careers and my mom said I probably can't get in X school. My dad said it's hard and not get disappointed if I don't make it.. I applied and got accepted. My teacher told me to drop out, I graduated after hard work.

You can buy a decent house in certain areas, it's really cheap. My area the average house is 600k.. Some it's only 90k. Did you fire your agent?

I would never find a houe for 90k where I live, the cheapest would be a unit for somewhere around $230k.
I can't fire the agent as she is who I rent through, maybe agent isn't the correct title for her. But There isn't much I can do. But I'm just going to keep her out of it, the other girl who works with her is far more supportive. Apparently she's a little strange like that. But it sure as hell isn't her business to decide what I do. I worked hard for the last 2 years to achieve this, I don't need someone's presumptions deciding my financial abilities.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Screw them. Seriously.

I have come across SO many negative people that it isn't even funny. I just don't get it! I've never been the type to tell someone they can't do something, or be negative when they tell me they want to do something positive in their life like get a new job, or go on a vacation, or move, or....whatever. Simply put, it is not my place to judge! If someone trusts me enough to tell me an important goal of theirs, the least I can do is support them! Now granted, if it was a crazy goal that could have very real negative effects, I would say so, as a friend. However, I've never come across such a situation.

I have one friend who has severe PTSD and deals with debilitating effects. He has lofty goals for his career. I very much worry about him and yes, I do fear that his disorder may hold him back. (I have PTSD, too, so I know how debilitating it can be.) Do I express my concerns for him? HECK NO! It is my job as a trusted friend to support him! He is definitely smart enough to succeed in his chosen career field, its just that I worry about the stress level. The very least I can do for a friend is support them, given that this world is SO full of negativity.

Ignore the nay-sayers. Let their negativity push you to greater heights. I know its horrible to do things out of spite, but at the same time, its like showing an ex how great you look now after he dumped you because you weren't good looking enough for him.

I don't think there's anything wrong in being realistic, though. Also, I don't wanna just set someone up for disaster, kinda like some of the parents who make their poor kids go up on X-Factor. (presuming they're not just all paid to do it for "entertainment")

Yes absolutely, I use naysayers like gasoline in my tank. Just tell me I can't and watch me fly baby. Good luck.

[RRex]

Yes, it motivates me - to tell them exactly what I think of them.

[Onward2wards]

It never used to motivate me, but that is changing.

[tokiwartooth]

I like to be able to rub it in peoples faces when I do succeed. That's always a satisfying feeling.

[lizardlady]

I used to let other people's negativity keep me from working toward what I wanted. Somewhere along the line it started motivating me. Some have mentioned rubbing success in other people's faces. I never did that, but I've allowed myself to feel smug when I succeeded where others said I'd fail.

Back when I used to train horse I didn't have the money to buy the high dollar ones. I had a talent for finding those ones no one else wanted to bother with and make them into champions. End of the year when I collected our awards I acted gracious towards the others, but was thinking "Y'all said I'd fail. Kiss my arse!"

[healingme4me]

This reminded me, of work feedback, I received this week. I take constructive criticism, very well.
Wasn't a place, I ever anticipated being in, in my life. Used to be highly sensitive. Boiled down to, recognizing in myself, what makes negative remarks strike a cord? Is it a character attack, or is there something to be learned? Are my listening skills amped up, or is there a reason it's stated.
Lizard Lady, most impressive, in that you needed to take a different route, and honed an ability that I doubt others, even in your field possess.

As far as home ownership, did the message come with a suggestion? If she feels no way, what can she suggest, for you to reach your dream? What's she holding back on Sharing? That's what frustrates about negativity. Many leave out, the minute details. Can you ask, what's missing from the equation?

Neither way....and I most certainly would never act with any kind of smugness...

Only I am responsible for what I do or don't do.

[Evening]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

This reminded me, of work feedback, I received this week. I take constructive criticism, very well.
Wasn't a place, I ever anticipated being in, in my life. Used to be highly sensitive. Boiled down to, recognizing in myself, what makes negative remarks strike a cord? Is it a character attack, or is there something to be learned? Are my listening skills amped up, or is there a reason it's stated.
Lizard Lady, most impressive, in that you needed to take a different route, and honed an ability that I doubt others, even in your field possess.

As far as home ownership, did the message come with a suggestion? If she feels no way, what can she suggest, for you to reach your dream? What's she holding back on Sharing? That's what frustrates about negativity. Many leave out, the minute details. Can you ask, what's missing from the equation?

Do you mean was there any suggestions from her that would help me get to my goal? If so, then no, she just told this girl she didn't think I could afford it. Every time I've contacted her in the last year about it she basically says 'yeeeah, I'd probably leave it for now...' and that's it, and when I've asked to get in contact with my landlords she never does it. I noticed she was a bit evasive whenever the topic came up, and now that I've been told this information it does kind of add up now. I do find it a little offensive. The girl who does my inspections said I should try and get in contact with my landlords directly because the agent doesn't want me to ask them. She was much more help, she suggested a finacial consultant and will bring his card next time she comes around in a few months, and gave me a few small suggestions about asking to buy.
The only thing I can think of saying to my agent- because I can't say that this other person told me all this or she could get in trouble- is to say to her 'I'm starting to get the vibe from you that you think I can't actually buy a place', and see what her response is.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Well it depends. If the negativity comes from an honest assessment that my savings for a down payment and raising a mortgage on my income is insufficient to buy a property I would regard the negativity as useful sign that I needed to re-evaluate how I would fund a house purchase, and possibly change the way I would look for funds.

If on the other hand I was sure I had access to sufficient funds I would think the negativity highly peculiar and this would most certainly motivate me to seek to purchase property via another means or agent.

When I moved to London I was young and brave. I had a lot of trouble affording the staggering London house prices but my agent put me in touch with a finance agent who lent me a ridiculous sum when I explained I intended to let rooms to pay the mortgage. It worked out for me very well, so there is often a way somehow

[Evening]

Absolutely, if I couldn't do it then I couldn't do it, but this person has ZERO knowledge in my financial situation, she doesn't know how much I currently have saved or my credit history, who I've spoken to, etc., therefore her opinion is not valid and it's not her place to decide for me what I can and can't do. She's just the agent between myself and my landlords. But I was told she does this sort of thing occasionally, to quote she can apparently be 'a bit strange with the way she does things sometimes'.
I don't expect to just be handed a loan, but I have made far more progress than I ever expected. I've worked very hard for this for 2 years, and I won't let someone else presume my abilities.

[ifst5]

Originally Posted by RRex

Yes, it motivates me - to tell them exactly what I think of them.

Amen. Though I hate that this is about the only place I come on the Internet where I can't do it. And the amount of people who come here purely to goad others or start arguments...I'd like a more adequate form of self defence then an ignore button.

People's negativity towards me motivates me to give them back what they dish out - you can't have it both ways, if you go around pulling tails; expect to get bitten.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

It is unclear to me why you would want to tell people exactly what you feel about them. You are unlikely to change them, least of all by having a go at them, and I would suggest from my experience that the relief you feel for sounding off is less than the damage that you do to yourself.

If you encounter negativity better surely to go around, and stick to your own plan.

[ifst5]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

I would suggest from my experience that the relief you feel for sounding off is less than the damage that you do to yourself.

...Nope. Not a big believer in repressed anger.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by ifst5

...Nope.

Thanks for this, I laughed rather, not at you obviously, but because I am intrigued by the idea of people going round getting satisfaction from telling others exactly what they think of them!

But seriously, how many people feel genuine unalloyed satisfaction at giving out at those who irritate them, and how many succumb to temptation but feel bad later? I hope I am not the only one...

[ifst5]

Sorry I'm on my phone so my message didn't complete - I never feel bad later, at the end of the day we're all adults. If someone is stupid enough to wind someone up in the first place they tend to get what they deserve. I come from a family that was very much like this - we didn't believe in holding our tongues and smoothing things over for the sake of 'peace.' Some peace that is...it just leads to passive aggression, conniving, secretive behaviour. When you consider that alternative it's easier to find out what you prefer.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Evening

Do you mean was there any suggestions from her that would help me get to my goal? If so, then no, she just told this girl she didn't think I could afford it. Every time I've contacted her in the last year about it she basically says 'yeeeah, I'd probably leave it for now...' and that's it, and when I've asked to get in contact with my landlords she never does it. I noticed she was a bit evasive whenever the topic came up, and now that I've been told this information it does kind of add up now. I do find it a little offensive. The girl who does my inspections said I should try and get in contact with my landlords directly because the agent doesn't want me to ask them. She was much more help, she suggested a finacial consultant and will bring his card next time she comes around in a few months, and gave me a few small suggestions about asking to buy.
The only thing I can think of saying to my agent- because I can't say that this other person told me all this or she could get in trouble- is to say to her 'I'm starting to get the vibe from you that you think I can't actually buy a place', and see what her response is.

Confronting her, seems appropriate. Stinks that you have to wait a few months for contact information to a financial consultant. Are there any classes you can start, now?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by ifst5

Sorry I'm on my phone so my message didn't complete - I never feel bad l...t just leads to passive aggression, conniving, secretive behaviour. When you consider that alternative it's easier to find out what you prefer.

Thanks for this - it seems a good idea to have a 'house style' of communicating and if letting it all out works for you and yours then that would seem to be a success.

I wonder though, does this style work as well for you in the wider world? Do you find you get knocked back or people shy away from you? I suspect you have a knack of saying what you mean in a way that does not alienate people - an enviable gift I would say.