[cailin caillte]

Love- It's painted as being one of the most beautiful things, when done right of course. The Fault In Our Stars, PS I Love You, Romeo and Juliet, Titanic (some shoddy examples, forgive me) are some movie adaptions of love. They entail instant connections, some romance under the stars and fights that end up in more love.
So I ask where is the realism, the fact that in reality looks are more important than we care to admit and that fights often end up in violence and hurt both mentally and physically.
Sure this whole pretty picture of love is partly true. Of course the movies are going to take the best parts of the concept that is love and then exploit them. But there is a horrible backlash to this exploitation, being the fact that they have almost completely destroyed the real thing.
We see a refined form on the screen, minus the hate. But I've come to believe that in this world love and hate come in exactly equal amounts, and if you don't see this yet, then look harder.
They almost complement each other in the end and make them the strong emotions that they are. To me they've become one and the same, which is strange because I know absolutely nothing about either of the two.

We all have, well I know I have anyways, walked away from movies, comparing my life to the characters, and feeling a sense of disappointment because my life and it's run ins with love and romance weren't as spectacular as on screen run ins were. Maybe that means I have to be in the process or about to die in order to experience it because all the examples have death in them which I just realized with some black humor.

So forget what I said anyways, I am merely curious if you have ever witnessed, felt, or believe in the kind of love you find in the movies.

[PoorPrincess]

Perhaps Isak Dinesen's Out Of Africa portrayals of love, I may once have believed.

I have felt "movie love", but it doesn't last. Strangely, I don't feel like it's me who ruins it, but the men I've been involved with who do. It seems they start out being so attentive and loving, but as soon as they're comfortable with me they act like a-holes. I end up feeling so alone and sad.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I was pretty damn smitten at first, until she turned somewhat abusive, clingy-as-heck, and went crazy every once in a while, and did some other crazy stuff; her times of the month were a freaking nightmare, Jeez. (granted it was the first time my dealing with that particular department) Made the right choice in walking away, to be honest, as hard is it was; it took her pressuring the heck out of me to get me to just tell her to jog the heck on, which was the last time I really had anything to do with her, bar the accidental, awkward bump in the streets, as you do. I wasn't perfect, either; I was most definitely not perfect, but she was a whole different kettle of... not perfect. xD She's married with a kid, now; sure she's doing marvelously. I can't help but to wonder if she's doing the same crazy stuff to that poor guy. *bad person for thinking that*

There was another, and I think in some strange way, that was very much the real deal, but stuff happens... long story, blah blah blah. Man, when things were great, they really were great; she was quite something, and I won't forget the good times in a hurry. The bad times still haunt me, though, even a few years later. Learned a lot from that. Last I heard she was married, too, and seemingly happy; pretty pleased about that, to be honest.

Anyway, yeah, I think I've had the whole tralala-fluffy-bunnies things. I think now that I'm older, my head is probably sane enough not to think that everything is all fluffy-bunnies, ESPECIALLY when women are involved; there will be bad and there WILL be good; you just have to work through it all.

Now, if I get into that boat again, ... I think it'll be better... so much better, because I like to think now my head isn't entirely in the clouds like it was when I was younger. I feel I have more of a grip on what to expect. I'm willing to drudge through some tough times (provided it's no the aforementioned unspecifics) if she's the "one for me", as they say.

Possibly triggering for OCD fear of harming someone:

It's true what they say, though - communication really is key, as is the right communication. For example, I made the mistake of sharing a lot of my OCD nonsense with the first mentioned woman, and that didn't go down so great, because she knew nothing about OCD and wasn't really equipped to understand that; I'm amazed she even put up with what she did. I will never forget the time I led on my hands, shaking and tearing up, refusing to touch her, because I feared I'd somehow hurt her. Yeah, I'm a ****ing idiot, I know.

Sorry - I dunno where that all came from.

[Maria38Divine]

Nope, can't recall ever experiencing "movie love". Somehow, I seem to attract players, bad boys (real ones, not wannabes), egotists and delusional men. . . oh, and married men with wandering eyes. It's tiring.

[Puffyprue]

My relationship...or it was feel like the movie...nothing last forever.

[glok]

A relationship requires more than the googaws to maintain. It takes hard work and perseverance.

[Lonelyheart22]

I have seen or heard of such romances. I even know a couple of stories of, in this case, young women who had had stuff like their parents divorce, absentee father, bullying in the course of their teenage years and then found a loving partner , a few years older(we're talking early twenties vs his late twenties or mid 20s with early/mid 30s in these two cases), who made a lot of difference in their lives by providing that positive ,real proof that what they experienced isn't the only way things are, which in turn also opened them up to the world and to that necessary vulnerability you need to have in order to give and accept love and intimacy, both physical and emotional.

So yeah, the stuff from the movies exists and even from the history of the past hundred years, I know of cases where there was an evident strong love going on.

The thing is that the movies don't show the entire life of a person and their entire relationship, usually. A good ,loving, successful relationship isn't one that lasts a lifetime but one that is good while the feelings are there and both parties want to be in it, one that is good while it lasts and ends decently, not in major scandals/fights/abuse of some kind.

Movies perhaps leave us with the idea that real, passionate, successful love is the fairytale one that is never ending, that has no problems, precisely cause it is built that way in the movie/story or because of the story showing only a part of the relationship, the beginning and maybe the middle but not how it ends(with the death of one of the partners in old age or break up at some point in its future).

Also, in movies most of the strong, "beautiful" love stories are between people who are over average in looks, even those somehow presented to not be so in the actual movie, are in fact quite attractive.
I don't think that love and attraction are all about looks. The relationship itself, once it began forming, is probably less and less about the looks and more about compatibility, personality, the way the partners manage to nurture the relationship and show eachother respect.
However, the more physically attractive and charming you are at first glance, probably matters a lot because the first impression matters a lot and can either broaden your potential partner options or lessen your options. When you are young or middle aged (particularly as a man) and physically attractive or sexy in some way that comes out on first glance, there are probably more chances to stir passion in more people, some of them equally attractive and alluring and from diverse backgrounds, so there is more potential for that strong, passionate, heated romance thing.

Another thing related to stereotypical physical beauty is that it sadly influences how people perceive your personality traits and behavior. Let's take lack of self esteem/shyness/social anxiety ,for ex. Say you have a conventionally good looking woman/man who suffers from one or more of these and a not conventionally good looking woman/man who suffers from exactly the same thing. Let's say both are influenced in a similar manner and are similar in intelligence, interests, both with a good heart and lots to offer. In the conventionally attractive, shyness, lack of self esteem or confidence ,even depression ,can actually turn into cute quirks ,make them actually more approachable, cuter and more "human". In an unconventionally good looking person, these same traits are deemed as turn off's. It is proven, sadly, that conventionally good looking people have an advantage in how they are perceived because the human brain sadly tends to put an equal sign between what is regarded as physical beauty and the inner qualities one possesses.

So yes, if you're conventionally good looking, even such stories as often portrayed in movies, of a tormented, damaged soul finding the extra strength and comfort needed to really put themselves back together/having someone fall in love with them and see beyond the damaged part into their true potential, are possible and happen to people but I suspect they happen more to people who are good looking enough and/or have some particular thing about them that is charming on first glance/before knowing them more deeply, that makes them sexier, more alluring. It can happen to anyone, certainly, but...

No one ever even showed any interest in me personally and for me love was always a one sided ,painful and quite dehumanizing/invalidating thing, but it does happen, it just doesn't happen to me.

[Ford Puma]

Sadly the movies for me are all make believe.
It just never happens like that in real life.
Real life relationships are a chore if you want some one that is.
No one to my mind well find someone by just sitting in a coffee shop hoping to be noticed. O yes and all those happy dappy couples holding hands and talking about how happy in loov they are drive me up the an imaginary wall in my head.
PS Thankfully T never says a thing about her family or her husband. That would set the green eyes monster away in my aforementioned head.

Love. Oh, yes.

I've been married three times. Once for talent, once for beauty and once for charm and I was madly in love with each of them for a time. My life has been filled with love and passion so bright it could have blazed right off of a movie screen. Too many lovers to remember. Many proposals. Many affairs, but never with a man who was involved with another woman. One of my strict rules. Men from every walk of life, of many different cultures. Men so handsome they took your breath away. Men that other's viewed as plain but I saw more in. Men who were less than perfect but walked around with that attitude that just made you want them. Every size and shape and flavor. And romance? Diamonds and roses and houses and cars. Travel and settings so mysterioous and wonderful...hearing my song played on my birthday in a resturant that spun above the city in circles...

And then there was him. The love of my life. We had a year and a half together that has lasted a lifetime. Thirty years later I am still so madly in love with him that just the thought of him still makes me smile.

And then there was reality. Alcoholics and addicts, cheaters and liars. Abusers of every ilk. Thieves and stalkers (once by a serial killer) and madmen. Heart breakers and haters and those that just disappeared one day.

Does love exist like the love and romance portrayed in the movies? For me, most of my life. Does it last? Only for the lucky few, I think. Do I have any regrets? Only one. And his name will be on my lips as I take my last breath.

Will I ever write my own story? Never! Who would believe it?

[Maria38Divine]

Originally Posted by Tea&Sympathy

Love. Oh, yes.

Will I ever write my own story? Never! Who would believe it?

Hmm, smelling a great plot for a novel here. Do write! It could be a mini series

[Nammu]

I haven't experienced movie love and no one I know has experienced it. I know a few people who started with what seemed like movie love but it didn't last. Has anyone besides me noticed that most "love" stories have one or the other die? Ahh perfect love seems to have a short life. Just like fairy tales they end on the happily ever after, you never have to see the reality of daily life with the squabbles and the how odd habits that used to be endearing and then start getting irritating.

[healingme4me]

If you don't enter relationships with the mindset that movie love exists, much easier to not be let down, as realism takes over the fantastical build up.

When my grandchildren do the condensed cliffnotes of my personal history, wonder how my love life will be viewed?

Sounds great on paper, don't it?

Just like sports, the big stage playoffs, these guys look great, make it look easy. What's missing from those couple hours of viewing, are all the countless hours of blood, sweat, tears in training and practice.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk