Finding A Partner, Even Though You Have MH Issues

IchbinkeinTeufel · 07:26 PM

Sorry for the length - this is very matter-of-fact, I think; kinda blunt. I'm just really thinking about stuff--I'm a thinker--and this is the result.

Just curious, but how does one go about meeting a potential partner, when someone has MH issues? In the "real world", I find people simply aren't knowledgeable or understanding enough to approach or accept someone like us, at least where I am, as a friend, let alone something "more".

I used to be out quite a lot and happened upon people, but ... since I'm mostly indoors, these days, and anxiety and stuff is kinda not doing great, ... well, you get the picture.

How do you guys/gals do it? What if you have social anxiety, OCD, depression, and so on? Am I just going to stay alone? Is that kinda how this works?

The thing is, the older I get (almost 28) the harder it'll be, because it's gonna be more of a case of women with kid(s), or one who very much wants kids and not exactly ages down the line... I am not quite wired that way; I can't handle that, mentally; there may be some exception to that, but I can't really fathom it, at the moment. A woman, a dog/cat, a house, and... well, that's it, really.

Then there's the financial side of things... although I'm not "poor" (at least to me) I am certainly not raking in the cash; I am lucky enough to be granted financial aid from the government; but it's hardly an attractive prospect? Or do women just not care about this stuff? Because, I kinda believe women here will not all care, but women out there in the "real world", ... I'unno, I just see them being super troubled by it.

I picture this scenario in which I come across an awesome woman, she asks me what I do... and that's the end of that story; it's scary, to be honest. Because, it's the inevitable question; I've brought this up a few times, on the forums. I would be honest and say that I don't work as a result of mental health issues, but then of course there'd be this uncomfortable moment, ... I could soften the weirdness and uncertainty by saying that it's "Anxiety, OCD... and stuff" which would suffice, briefly.

Then of course there's the point in which I may well "hit it off" with a woman, and find it gets to the point when she finds out more about my MH stuff, about just how screwed up my OCD and anxiety is; would she run? I'd not blame her. I must be a handful, freaking out about my health, all the time, my aversion to sleep, my struggle going out and being around lots of people, struggle with watching some things on TV, obsessing over my body, workouts, being "perfect" with things, and then there's the darker part of OCD that has me fearing insane things that I wouldn't do, but the whole "what if?"... there's just... no realistic way I see a woman understanding that!

There's another aspect to this, however: I feel I've found myself attracted to those who also have some sort of MH problem(s); does that make sense? Does anyone else have a similar thing going on? I think it's logical, because I wish to feel understood and accepted; what better person for that, than a person who also has similar problems to my own? But, I've kinda been there, with someone very unstable, and believe me, it did not end colorfully; perhaps this was just one of those times when it doesn't work, and perhaps I bit off more than I could chew. Do you think it's a good or bad idea to find yourself preferring to be with someone who has similar or the same MH problems, in order to get a sense of feeling understood and accepted?

I feel alienated. I'm not just single, I'm singled out. I'm just a ... what's the saying - bad apple? Does anyone else feel like this?

Feel free to share. I could really do with reading some like-minded stuff, and/or some helpful/honest stuff.

healingme4me · Jul 09, 2014, 07:33 PM

I have no answers. Just internally thinking to myself, reading your plight..

Was saying to my dad, the other day...how does my stepbrother do it????

He gets gf after gf after gf after gf...

And he's no catch and a real j***, and honestly. ..there's like this real imbalance in the universe or something. ..

Where's, the hi...nice guy here sign, are there any women out there, ready to be treated fairly and with respect. ..pretention, need not apply...

Hope you meet someone. .

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

IchbinkeinTeufel · Jul 09, 2014, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I have no answers. Just internally thinking to myself, reading your plight..

Was saying to my dad, the other day...how does my stepbrother do it????

He gets gf after gf after gf after gf...

And he's no catch and a real j***, and honestly. ..there's like this real imbalance in the universe or something. ..

Where's, the hi...nice guy here sign, are there any women out there, ready to be treated fairly and with respect. ..pretention, need not apply...

Hope you meet someone. .

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

Amen! Maybe I need to be an arse to get anywhere? Maybe... just maybe, it doesn't matter if I have MH problems, because, all I need to do is be an arse! Oh my God, I think I've cracked the secret code. Facetiousness aside, I am sometimes too nice (at least, once I've opened up a bit) too gentle (well, this became an issue with someone in the past; I treated her as though she were the frailest glass ever, but she was kinda rough which I didn't like ¬_¬) and too ... I guess I can be too honest. (although that can swing the other way: I can be too closed-up and not say something when I should, for fear of causing a problem, being annoying, upsetting someone, etc)

shezbut · Jul 09, 2014, 11:17 PM

Well, Zwang....

I can tell you (honestly) that a decent woman really doesn't care about $$. Unless, that is, if their partner is simply wasting it. That's when it does matter. What's more important to a woman is being treated likes she is special....Not just another hiney, or notch in one's belt...but she matters.

To help clarify that issue: Don't play games. If you're interested, tell her so in a simple way. Don't pretend like you aren't interested, and hope that she can guess that you really are, and so on. But Don't be buttery either...'cause that really freaks us out! Be honest ~ but keep it short and simple.

You can be honest about your anxiety. Hell, you can also share that you struggle a bit with OCD (in X ways, give a few simple & light examples)! But, don't try to hide these aspects of yourself. They can be a big part of your life. No need to hide that away. No one is perfect! Everyone can appreciate that fact.

Honesty is a biggie ~ and so is "being yourself". Remember those two key components, and you'll be just fine.

Very best wishes to you! Take care...

ifst5 · Jul 10, 2014, 01:06 PM

I would say i've only had one major relationship - i didn't really intend for it to be like that, it just turned out that way. It finished not because my difficulties were too great, but because i wasn't prepared to take as much responsibility for them at the time. Relationships are hard. Add MH issues and it becomes harder. It's not impossible though and i don't know whether i have a preference for 'regular' people or not - i mean you can't slack off either way and if you have to be there for someone who also isn't well it can sometimes cause greater difficulty in the long run. But not always. There are a lot of variables. It very much depends on where you are in your recovery and where they are - but if there's something special there most like to at least give it a shot. I'm ok not being in a relationship and have felt that way for some time so some even get used to it, and i don't think that's the same as 'resigning' yourself to such fate. More like a surge of already present feelings. As may west once said; 'i'm single because i was born that way.' I think they've even discovered something akin to a single gene in Switzerland or some such place (i dunno i read about it in Psychologies). If it's something that you want i guess you just have to keep trying and more importantly LEARN from whatever mistakes you make. It's tough being honest with yourself about what you did wrong or what you could have done better, but if it's what leads to you the right person next time it's a valuable lesson. All the best.