[AngstyLady]

So, we went to brunch today (we both work night shifts and he happened not to have class this mornign) and we were walking to this breakfast diner- as we were crossing the intersection we passed by a former colleague of mine who I was going to smile and say hi as we passed but she was giving me this sorta dirty look- like she saw me with him and was giving me this disgusted look. ****ing *****. Not like she was one of the ones that I was close with and still stay in contact with, but it still upset me becuase I love him and because he has a few tattoos (very meaningful, nordic symbols, etc) and it a bit heavierset, doesnt dress like a yuppie) people tend to think bad things about him. We ended up having a discussion about how he's use to it- it used to be different when he was skinnier (which he is getting into shape again, but I love him regardless) he said people would assume because he wears rock shirts that he's into drugs, which he has never been. People and their stereotypes really suck.
Oh and most metal/death metal is actually about reconnecting with nature and pushing away of the popular beliefs of society such as all the materialistic and vapid lifestyles that people try to adhere to (btw)
Anyway . . . I'm sure I'm not the only one to have to deal with this.
I've never been in a fight in my life, but I feel like I could push someone really hard or start yelling at someone for the way they look at my boyfriend when we walk down the street. Granted, there are the people (who I know or not) who I catch looking at us in a nice way, but not that often in my neighborhood. Another reason I wish I could afford to move- though the perk is it is a safe neighborhood to live in.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Sounds frustrating as hell. Judgements like that are maddening. To be honest, he sounds pretty cool. xD What's he like? Y'know, aside from the tats. xD

I wonder what people judge me as, when they see me... >.< Oh well, if someone gives me dirty looks, I can just shout German and end up looking like a crazed Neo-Nazi... nobody will go near me! Lol. Joking, I wouldn't do that. Oh, that's a point, people probably think I'm a NN. There's another stereotype, which, thankfully, I don't get from adults, mainly just the annoying kids or late teens on games and stuff, online. ¬_¬ Always online... doubt anyone would say that to my face. 'o.O

I wear black a lot, and I workout so, while I'm not enormous, I'm well enough built (even with a few extra lbs of body-fat to shed xD) so I probably look... LIKE A THUG. Yeah, man, I'm a... thug, ... no, Gothic thug... and I'm bald, too... and German is my second language, so I'm a Neo-Nazi, Goth, Thug... your boyfriend has it easy. Oh, I also have glasses, so that makes me a Neo-Nazi, Goth, Thug, Geek... how's that? xD When I'm out, I usually wear sunglasses (helps with anxiety as it's less stimulation from everything around me) which look kinda neat, so I probably look like a Neo-Nazi, Goth, Thug, Geek... um... FBI agent! Don't you know all the agents wear sunglasses?! Have you ever seen NCIS or CSI?! Hahaha.

Sadly, no tats. Hope to get plenty in the future, but I'm a bit "health anxiety" about them, and also "social anxiety" about getting it done. ¬_¬

[Mikeyboy]

Hey there, people can definitely be judgmental jerks. I sound similar to your BF. I've had long hair for years and years, and look like a viking metalhead I guess is the best description. Long hair, long beard. I get really hot so in the summer my attire changes just so I'm comfortable, but the rest of the year I wear unbuttoned flannel with black shirts with weird symbols and pictures of various sorts underneath, heavy boots and the like. I get looks when I go a lot of places. I've had people assume I do drugs, assume I'm gonna crush someones head in for looking at me wrong, et cetera. I notice the way people look at me, especially older folks, but I don't care anymore. I just pass it off as them being the one with the problem, not me.

I have no tattoos, but I've considered a few nordic symbols. Cool that your BF has some! Anyway, that sucks people look at your BF like that.

[AngstyLady]

[QUOTE=Zwangsstörung;4006197]

Sounds like you an my byfriend would get along well. He used to be more goth, is stil goth at heart- a really sweet guy, though he can be defensive if provoked. He also is multi lingual, German, FInnish, Norwejian, some French and Spanish. I had a former coworker say he looks tough(because of his tats) but he's really not. He's gone through a lot of **** in his life and I wish people saw him for how he is- for the people who take the time to get to know him, they like him and see that he has a good heart. Thats part of the reason why I love him.

[AngstyLady]

[QUOTE=Mikeyboy;4006226] Ha-! You also sound like you'd get along well with my bf. He used to have long hair for nearly a decade (before I met him) and while it's medium length now, he is thinking of growing it again- he has in recent months started to grown a beard and mustache and loves old Norse mythology, especially Viking legends (he got me into the show vikings and we're going to an SCA event soon)

[Lemongrab]

I have the same issue. I live in a small town where we get stared at a lot when we're walking around together. My boyfriend has long hair, piercings and tattoos and often wears black and/or metal shirts. He has a Bathory shirt with a massive inverted pentacle on the back which gets us a lot of dirty looks.

[ToeJam]

Heh, it's whatever you are comfortable in at the end of the day. There are 'societal norms' though and if you dress in a way that individualises you/separates you from the herd... You're going to stand out and be looked at... Isn't that part of the reason for doing it?

I'm a big metal fan and I also love Nordic (amongst other historical)symbols but nearing 40 I would feel a little silly walking down the street in them... But my days of wanting to stand out are gone.

People are going to be judgemental, that's life... And I guess your true friends will either not care or know better than to let their thoughts be known.

[Hellion]

I consider myself a metalhead and I usually wear band t-shirts with jeans or like cut off shorts I also have a vest with band patches on it I like wearing sometimes...sometimes people look at me in not so nice ways seemingly over that since this happens even if I am not doing anything unusual at all so that is the only thing I can think it is. I would be lying if I said I never use drugs but...no wearing band t-shirts and liking heavier music does not mean one indulges in anything like that but people do like to make assumptions. I have known plenty of people with that sort of style that don't use any drugs, or maybe just drink a couple beers on occassion and might smoke cigarettes but yeah most people i hang around who do indulge aren't pushy about it and respect when people aren't interested in taking part.

But stigma towards various sorts of people probably wont be disappering anytime soon unfortunately...best thing I can say is remind yourself their judgement is invalid the ones doing the judging are the one with the problem....How does your boyfriend feel about it, does it bother him when people act that way towards him if so on the bright side it seems he has a girlfriend who really cares which can help make things like that a little easier to deal with I imagine. I just don't see why people can't let people be, and always have to make negative assumptions about people they don't even know...just because maybe they look different/dress different or aren't a prime example of what society has defined as 'normal'. I think tatoos and band t-shirts are awesome, if people got an issue with that sort of thing...screw what they think and try not to feel down about it(though easier said than done, its painful when people make nasty judgements and look down on someone).