[Onward2wards]

I need a good laugh today, so this is an attempt at humor. It may or may not work, especially given the late hour it was written in.

I propose the DSM-6 include a new disorder, called Most People Disorder. I have an uncomfortable feeling my photo will likely be prominently displayed on the first page.
You will know you have this disorder if at least five of these symptoms apply to you:

* Life has an annoying capacity to be mindlessly dull and unbearably stressful at the same time, and always when you're having a bad day to begin with.
* Work expands to fill precisely 10% more than the time available.
* Your ability to remember things is inversely proportional to the usefulness of the information.
* Your life is often burdened with regrets. When you can't remember any of them, you conclude you must have had a very boring life.
* The glass is neither half full nor half empty, it's just that given the rate of evaporation things aren't looking too good right now in either case.
* Your working memory is neither large enough to learn as quickly as you'd like, nor small enough to prevent annoying songs from getting stuck in there.
* Your response to important but awkward moments is variously "Hey! Look at that!" followed by running for the nearest exit, or self-deprecating humor delivered with exaggerated gestures. The only reason you don't go with silence is fear of being cliché.
* You have an irrational jealousy of entertainingly histrionic behavior and mild useful hypomania, because such states are beyond your abilities to generate at will without large quantities of caffeine and motivational DVDs, and even then you're faking it.
* If you stop comparing yourself to everyone else, there's no joy in watching soap operas anymore.
* Political correctness is extremely annoying unless you're the one doing it.
* You never know if they are laughing at you, with you, or in response to a joke delivered by someone so much cooler than you.
* Wherever you are, you'd rather be someplace else. Once you are someplace else? "Well, this stinks".
* There's a reason for your dark cloud of guilt - quantum string theory clearly implies that every evil that has ever plagued mankind could be your fault after all.
* You're not overanalyzing, you're making extra sure you "haven't forgotten anything like last time".
* Your capacity for holding two completely contradictory thoughts in your mind at the same time does not prove you are an intelligent divergent thinker, it proves that you are surely moments away from clinical insanity.
* You never get invited to "those kind of parties". You're not entirely sure what that even means, but somebody, somewhere, is having a much more interesting day than yours.
* Your belief in a divine presence is directly related to what kind of day you're having, unless someone can point this out and make you feel guilty about it.
* You need help for the mountains of self-help books cluttering up your living space. You still haven't finished the one on procrastination, and can't even find the one on hoarding.

If anyone else wants to add to the list, please do so. I was going to write something else but I can't remember what it was. I'll probably remember as soon as I forget I posted this.

[Fresia]

You SO made my day. Thank you for taking the time not only to post this but more importantly for the insight. I needed this, especially this morning. Much appreciated.

[bipolar angel]

Thanks!! Made me laugh this am, don't know if I could have come up with such good insights! Youare avery deep thinker.

[Nammu]

thank you!

[Ford Puma]

100%
and now for something completely different... O.. I forgotten what that was.
O yes the pink elephant standing behind me.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

I need a good laugh today, so this is an attempt at humor. It may or may not work, especially given the late hour it was written in.

I propose the DSM-6 include a new disorder, called Most People Disorder. I have an uncomfortable feeling my photo will likely be prominently displayed on the first page.
You will know you have this disorder if at least five of these symptoms apply to you:

* Life has an annoying capacity to be mindlessly dull and unbearably stressful at the same time, and always when you're having a bad day to begin with.
* Work expands to fill precisely 10% more than the time available.
* Your ability to remember things is inversely proportional to the usefulness of the information.
* Your life is often burdened with regrets. When you can't remember any of them, you conclude you must have had a very boring life.
* The glass is neither half full nor half empty, it's just that given the rate of evaporation things aren't looking too good right now in either case.
* Your working memory is neither large enough to learn as quickly as you'd like, nor small enough to prevent annoying songs from getting stuck in there.
* Your response to important but awkward moments is variously "Hey! Look at that!" followed by running for the nearest exit, or self-deprecating humor delivered with exaggerated gestures. The only reason you don't go with silence is fear of being cliché.
* You have an irrational jealousy of entertainingly histrionic behavior and mild useful hypomania, because such states are beyond your abilities to generate at will without large quantities of caffeine and motivational DVDs, and even then you're faking it.
* If you stop comparing yourself to everyone else, there's no joy in watching soap operas anymore.
* Political correctness is extremely annoying unless you're the one doing it.
* You never know if they are laughing at you, with you, or in response to a joke delivered by someone so much cooler than you.
* Wherever you are, you'd rather be someplace else. Once you are someplace else? "Well, this stinks".
* There's a reason for your dark cloud of guilt - quantum string theory clearly implies that every evil that has ever plagued mankind could be your fault after all.
* You're not overanalyzing, you're making extra sure you "haven't forgotten anything like last time".
* Your capacity for holding two completely contradictory thoughts in your mind at the same time does not prove you are an intelligent divergent thinker, it proves that you are surely moments away from clinical insanity.
* You never get invited to "those kind of parties". You're not entirely sure what that even means, but somebody, somewhere, is having a much more interesting day than yours.
* Your belief in a divine presence is directly related to what kind of day you're having, unless someone can point this out and make you feel guilty about it.
* You need help for the mountains of self-help books cluttering up your living space. You still haven't finished the one on procrastination, and can't even find the one on hoarding.

If anyone else wants to add to the list, please do so. I was going to write something else but I can't remember what it was. I'll probably remember as soon as I forget I posted this.

Wow - yep I qualify for that disorder, I know that I have more criteria to add...as soon as I find that list of what I need to remember...

[eskielover]

Onward2wards....I have been saying for a long time that everyone has some disorder of some sort that would allow them to become a member of the DSM club in the first place......then of course, there are many disorders that do need to be added that I'm sure they just overlooked in their planning sessions......good job with your list.....I fit most of them.

LOL.....CSC......along the lines of finding the list you need to remember......

This is the one that haunts me & many of my friends constantly & it's DEFINITELY A DISORDER:

* Having to look for your keys that you know are in the house somewhere because you needed them to unlock the door to get into the house the night before.....& of course, it takes over an hour or more to find them & you were already LATE for the appointment that you needed the car keys for in order to drive there in the first place. (maybe called the "loosing your head if it wasn't attached" disorder)....there are no age requirements involved (I've been doing this since I was 16 & got my drivers licence)

* Going into a room for something then immediately forgetting what it was you went in there for & hoping that if you return to where you come from that you will remember....with no success.

* Work expands to fill precisely 10% more than the time available

.I would like to add one along these lines:

*When you can't do in 48 hours what you knew you could do it 24, you are not lazy but try to cram in too many things into one 24 hour day thinking you are one of those superpowers the cartoons & movies have caused us to believe we are.

I'm sure I will think of more as my everyday living provides examples.

[Can't Stop Crying]

^^^^^

[Insignificant other]

THANK YOU for this .. I'm still laughing .. quite true .. all of it!
Well done!

[Pikku Myy]

I know I was diagnosed with LPS or better known as Lazy Person Syndrome.... hahahaaaaaaaaa