[Nammu]

I was looking out my second story picture window today. Really looking and seeing.

There's a three story high tree next to my window, a shorter one to the left, on the other side of the lot there's a 6 foot hedge and beyond that a cemetery with multiple old and young trees flowers and bushes. All those trees and flowers were busy converting carbon into oxygen and producing food for a multitude of life.

I saw today, many birds, a squirrel, bees and a wasp, a gecko in the tree doing the throat thing, a dog walking his human but no cats today. I was thinking of all that life the soil with its bugs and worms. It all has a purpose and meaning a place to fit into life. Then there's me. No purpose no reason, I contribute nothing but I use much.

All that abundance right outside my window but I'm afraid to go out and embrace it. I sit in my darken rooms and gaze out afraid.

Not sure what I'm wanting from posting this, just wanted to share it I guess.

[IrisBloom]

Maybe your purpose is to enjoy the wonders of nature and write it down!

[Takeshi]

When you were looking and seeing, I suppose you were seeing what you like and the view, the thoughts, the smell and all the things that got seeped into you is how you see the world. The filter, the window pane that we look through, we all have them and varies greatly. They changes with you too, say, you are on a different time and on a different day, and you stand on the exact same place and you'd still be having a different points of view. I guess you already know that.

I liked what you captured when you looked out, I hope it stays with you because we can't always see what's out there like that all the time. But I'm not seeing enough of you from the post though. Do you see math, science, or are you the kind of person who creates stories? Did you think of behaviors of us humans vs them the nature, the other lives?

They did not choose to be there. I believe you and me and all the others have that choice to a certain extent.

For me, the feelings triggered by external factors are something I should be able to set aside, even if the feelings comes out of nowhere within myself, my own action might've triggered it. Using every knowledge and all the past experiences, I have to get myself back to where I can see things right. Nobody, absolutely nobody will take my hand and get me to see what I'm meant to see.

Seeing myself as having no purpose or no reason to be, that's what got me to stay in a bad place for years and years. Now I don't think that matters much to me as long as I keep seeing things the way I do, and I have to do it right. Knowing myself, one misstep and I go off the deep end, I'm sure I can come up with good reasoning when I feel like offing myself. So, to anyone who asks me about hope, I say no, I do not have it.

Emotionally, physically, mentally or whatever, I have to see and know where I stand, it doesn't matter even if my whole life's floating in space or blown off by huge gust of wind, I lose my balance sometimes, maybe a lot of times but I just do what I do, this time no compromising, I'm living with all the things I see, trade mark pending? F you, I don't even have to prove that to you, what I'm tryna say is that nobody's messing with me with my moments.

I'm running outta time so, I'm not redoing/editing k?

I don't even know your gender/age nothing about you really. I just see human beings who can do a lot more than bugs and cute squirrels. What you see is very important, if you have a slightest desire to get close to it, or touching it, that's where you gonna go. Years from now, or a week from now? Paint the view for now. There's many ways to go about this and it is your choice.

With Love

Takeshi

[Nammu]

Thank you, Takeshi that was deep. I guess I see life as outside myself. I'm seperate from everything and just the viewer. There's always a filter between myself and the world. What you said about standing in the same spot at a different time and seeing differently and experiencing differently is so true.