[Pearl9327]

I'm 33, and it looks like I'm getting more in touch with my inner Goth finally. As a teenager, I was fascinated with some aspects of Goth fashion, particularly the Victorian, steampunk look. But the music didn't interest me, mainly because Marilyn Manson was huge back then and he was a turn-off. Besides, my overly strict parents wouldn't have allowed me to wear all black or dye my hair black, etc.

During my 20s, I dressed in clothes that made me feel beautiful because I felt so ugly inside, so I was very insecure. Music-wise, I got more into rock music, but I struggled to find a genre that really fit me. I was felt like I wasn't dressing or listening to music that pertained to me at all. Then again, I had a poor sense of self during this period.

In the past couple of years, I've been once again showing interest in Goth fashion and some of its music, mainly symphonic rock acts like Lacuna Coil, Epica, and Within Temptation. During these past few months, I've been getting more in touch with my inner Goth. I've been exploring Goth music on Spotify, and my taste in clothes have been darker where I wear mainly black, burgundy, dark blue, gray, and other dark colors. I even have been regularly wearing black eyeliner, though in the more mainstream way, and dark nail polish colors. I feel more comfortable this way, and it just feels natural to buy dark clothes or explore Goth fashion websites.

One reason why this works is because I feel as though I am embracing my inner darkness. I have struggled with depression for half my life, and I have Bipolar 2 disorder. Not that I'm saying all Goths are depressed, or that I'm celebrating my depression. I'm just accepting it and embracing it, and no longer trying to be the happy-go-lucky person which I am not. I do have a happy side, and I am good towards people. But I'm not all smiley and super sweet.

But I hesitate to fully embrace my Goth side because a) I feel like I'm too old to go through this phase, and b) I'm not sure if I really am much of a Goth. I know there are many kinds of Goth, and I probably fit into the Corporate Goth as well as the Hippy Goth categories. Maybe I'm feeling awkward because I'm finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin, and its both exciting and weird at the same time. Also, I'm into horror and gore, like some Goths (I don't have the stomach for those). But I do like thrillers and stories with a dark edge to them.

So yeah, I guess I'm finally outing myself, LOL. But I'm not sure if I should start attending Goth events or clubs. I'm also half expecting to be chased out of Goth forums!

I think I'm just posting this because I taking steps to being myself, and as I said, its both exciting and weird. I feel like I'm growing new skin, and it feels good as well as scary. Oh, and also, my professional life is going through some new stages as well, so its like two different changes at once, and they may clash. Clash as in, I'm trying to adjust to my Goth self yet meanwhile I have new job opportunities coming my way and I'm wondering how to present myself when I'm still at this awkward phase!

Has anyone embraced a side of themselves at a late age? Or during a time of great change? If so, any advice on how to adjust? I may be doing fine, but I have, like, no one to turn to for support. So I came here

[Takeshi]

hmm,,you sound like you're doing fine. I like that you are doing what you like to do, dressing/presenting yourself in the way you like. What's not to like about that?

I know I'm not answering properly, the only possibly helpful thing that I can tell you is about you/me and proffesional life. I can't separate the two completely, and they might clash.

Idk, I just wouldn't mind seeing you normal and the next day, showing up as a Goth person, I'd just say hi new you, wassup?

Embrace it is all I can tell you.

(atm, I'm wearing slightly douchey beards going on ma face, and it's not really ALLOWED at my work place, so I had to ask around a bit before the change, and yea,,, I met my boss two days ago and as I was talking with him, I felt his eyes on my chin area. He hasn't said anything about it so far, yay! )

Edit: Congrats on finding real you inside, it was gonna come out eventurally I guess. Even in your 20s, you were caring for yourself in the way you dressed, I say you don't have much to worry about, I support ya wholeheartedly.
Btw, I have a few bright colored hair extension that might go with Goth fashion. you can come pick 'em up.

[*Laurie*]

You sound great! Be a goth if you want to be. I'm in my 50's and have always dressed in an alternative fashion. That's how I express my creativity and how I express who i am. Be who you are, my friend.

[LiteraryLark]

I'd actually really like to see a photo of your outfits. Goth really isn't the "trend" nowadays. First goth, then emo, then scene, then hipster. When I was in middle school it was the "emo" phase that everyone was talking about, then in high school it was "scene", then in college it's "hipster." So I'm really curious as to how a Goth dresses.

[*Laurie*]

I would LOVE to see some photos of your outfits, Pearl!

[Pearl9327]

They're not really Goth in anyway because I'm on a tight budget, so I can't shop much. But whenever I do buy, its always something dark - black, burgundy, gray, dark blue, etc. I do tend to lean towards the Hippy Goth type, and so my clothes have that "peasant"-like look. I also wear a lot of maxi skirts, dark colored of course Also, for work, I obviously will have to compromise and wear more mainstream style of clothes. I'd probably be the type who wears a lot of black to work, and goes Goth off hours