[TheEbonyEwe]

I've got a neighbor who's house is so filthy that I get sick every time I go and visit her. We're talking feces and urine all over the toilet (which is black) floors so dirty you can't tell what the vinyl pattern looks like. Kitchen piled up with week old pot/pans, dishes and food rotting. Fridge covered in a coat of greasy, dirty slime on the door handle. Three huge dogs and two cats run amok and when they pee or poop on the floor, she just wipes it up and doesn't clean the carpet. It smells awful.

I have a weak constitution, so every time I go visit, I get sick. I'll get the runs, stomach virus or sinus cold. What's worse is she takes care of a 90 yr old invalid man who is always sick as well...and it never dawns on her that hey, if you clean your house, it will cut down on airborne illness and bacteria!

Now...all of that is none of my business and not my place to tell her. God forbid! I've got Aspergers and I'm the last person you want informing someone nicely that their house is a bio-hazard! However, she is always inviting me over to spend time and I'm running out of excuses why I can't stay.

I would clean her house for her, but I'm disabled myself and she has THREE adult children living with her as well. They are just as lazy and do not care or see a need to disinfect anything. I can't bring myself to go in there and clean for all of them while they sit on their butts and watch TV. Not to mention, my husband would never let me.

I'm not sure what to do the next time she calls....she's starting to ask why I don't stay longer and I'm running out of excuses. What would a neuro-typical person do in this situation?

[eskielover]

I don't know...if pushed, I might actually say, I honestly can't handle coming into a house that's that dirty....it really bothers me & I'm just not comfortable visiting in that kind of environment. If she has a front porch, then visiting out there might be easier.

[kindachaotic]

You could just say, very politely, you have allergies to her animals & couldn't come inside anymore as its making you sick.
If the weather is nice ask her if you guys could sit outside & chat/visit.
Wish you luck.

[notz]

Is she able to visit you instead?

Do you enjoy talking to her or spending time with her at all or are you just caught up in a situation that you can't find a way out of?

If you don't want to be buddies with her, talking to her on the phone occasionally or talking to her outside if you see her could work. I see that you live in Idaho, so chatting outside isn't going to be a year-round solution.

Saying that you think you may have allergies to her animals could be a good excuse, unless you have dogs and cats yourself. (If you just have one or the other, the excuse can still work.)

I probably would also call the line for reporting Elder Abuse and talk to them about the sanitation problems in your neighbor's house. I don't know if they would do anything, but I do feel for that 90-year-old man stuck in a house like that.

You have my sympathy for having to deal with this situation. It's very difficult.

If you want to go into her house sometimes but have a good excuse to get out when you're ready, the allergy to the dogs or cats excuse seems like a good one.

[cakeladie]

Hi I know this is hard on you what ever you decided to do but I
Think adult protective services need to be called. It's for everyone's protection in that house. What if there was an emergency. How would EMS get in or if a fire started, how would everyone get out safely?

You can call adult protective services anonymously. But it's for the best for everyone.

Stay strong and be there if she wants to talk but talk outside. Your health is important.

Good luck

[Sesiley]

Originally Posted by kindachaotic

You could just say, very politely, you have allergies to her animals & couldn't come inside anymore as its making you sick.
If the weather is nice ask her if you guys could sit outside & chat/visit.
Wish you luck.

This is a good one...have her visit u

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[Maven]

I was going to say you should report her for the sake of that elderly man, but also for the animals. I think it's best to be honest, although if you can't bring yourself to tell her, I think the others have given some good excuses. Still, I think there will come a time when something has to be done. Actually, I think you're already there, but I know it's hard to get involved that way.

I don't know if she doesn't see it, or if she feels overwhelmed by it and lacks the motivation to start. I don't know if this is a hoarding situation, but there are companies that will clean a place entirely, and some of them will work with the hoarder (or the person who may suffer from mental illness) and try to make it as comfortable as they can.

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[ptangptang]

OK, so if it makes you sick don't go, obviously. That's a no Brainer. If you like her meet out somewhere. You must have talked with her about it. I imagine you have and she doesn't see it as a problem. It obviously is and has a detrimental effect on the health of all living there. Has she got other friends that you could talk to and make a joint presentation to her, tell her that you are worried but of course be tactful and non judgemental. If that comes to nothing I think you should tell social service!s. I've watched a lot of 'hoarding' programmes and usually they all want a clean and tidy place but have let things go to such an extent That they don't know where to start. Also there may be underlying untreated mental health problems to deal with and maybe the old man would be entitled to a 'care package.' I know thing are different intthe US to the UK.

[kindachaotic]

By any chance is this a long term rental home?

[divine1966]

I would call authorities due to neglect of elderly and animals.

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[TheEbonyEwe]

Finally! My internet is back on! Satellite internet has been intermittent due to smoke.

I have a small cat and dog myself, so the allergy excuse won't work. Great idea though.

Also, I wouldn't call her mentally disabled, but she is extremely ignorant, uneducated and very superstitious, loud, and overbearing. I didn't used to mind going to her house when her mother was there (now in a home for Alzh.) because she would insist the house be clean, even though she didn't remember why. I didn't mind helping her out either, but when her awful kids moved in, I said no more! They can help clean, and they don't. It's sad!

I have not thought about calling the authorities for neglect. While it is a biohazard, I know she feeds and bathes him and helps him to the bathroom, but that's it. She also feeds and waters the dogs, so I don't know if the SPCA could take them. Yes...I know that the authorities will have the answer to that so I will have to work up the courage to call them. My husband says to mind my own business because he thinks if she finds out it was me,...then she'll send her grand kids up to steal or vandalize our house/things. She does inadvertently tell them EVERYTHING we say and do,...and consequently, when we're gone, things go missing from our yard. SO, I've stopped telling her what we're doing.

Do you enjoy talking to her or spending time with her at all or are you just caught up in a situation that you can't find a way out of?

To be honest, I really wish I could stop all socializing with them. It seriously stresses me out. It used to be fun until she became a push-over and let her father and kids walk all over her. Now, it's just sad. I can't go down there and watch her spiral down into more misery.

By any chance is this a long term rental home?

No, not a long-term rental home. I wish it was...I'd call the landlord.

[*Laurie*]

I agree with divine1966. The whole situation sounds dangerous.