This is something that my dad gave me and it really made me laugh so i wanted to share it with all of you!

*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING*

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it’s okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun. a shovel, and three acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[EJ711]

Kourtnee,

How funny and cute!!

EJ

[bebop]

rotflmbo

[MyBestKids2]

This is so incredibly funny and cool...makes me wonder though...are there really still "Daddies" like this out there?
*sigh*

Yeah My dad is so funny sometimes. I have 4 older sisters and he has sat down with every guy they went out with before the date to "talk". He scares most of the guys because he is very big cuz hes in the army so has huge arms and stuff. Anyway So now that im almost 16 he decided to give me this LOL. I love my dad (most of the time) Its hard to stay made at him when he lives far away

[bebop]

I am still laughing over this one kourtnee lol too funny!

i died laughing. i especially like the "camouflauged face at the window"........now that oughta scare the pee out of any young man........

[nothemama8]

how I envy you for having a Dad who cares, my Grandmother was the father figure in our home and if the guy wouldn't mow the lawn or shovel the snow he couldn't date the girl

[InACorner]

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">



Thank God I didn't have a dad when I started dating! My mother was bad enough!!

[MOJO3]

I liked all the rules...but rule number 9 made me laugh right out loud...I believe I once said something similar to one young guy one time many years ago...your Dad and I have many things in common.

When you are a divorced mother with two teenage daughters...

yeah Mojo my parents are divorced to and i have 3 sisters and we all live with my mom...
but that doesnt stop my dad lol

[ally88]

so funny..yet so true. roflmao