Chico Marx, a member of the famed Marx Brothers, once told the story of how a bout of stomach trouble had sent him to the doctor. The doctor prescribed plenty of milk and gave Chico a bottle of pills. "I’ll stop by this evening and see how you’re doing," the doctor said. "In the meantime, drink at least four glasses of milk. Milk is the ticket for curing your trouble. So drink plenty of it."

That evening, the doctor returned, examined Chico and told him, "You’re much better this evening. Just be sure you don’t drink any milk. Not one glass. It’s not for you."

"But, doctor," Chico exclaimed, "only this morning you told me that milk was what I needed and that I should drink four glasses of it."

"Well, what do you know?" the doctor replied. "It certainly goes to show that we’ve made tremendous progress in medicine since the last time I saw you."

[Maven]

LOL!

i absolutely died laughing when i read this one!!!!!!! so close to home for us nuts.......

Psychiatrist's 23rd Psalm

The Lord is my external-internal integrative mechanism, I shall not be deprived of gratification for my viscerogenic hungers or my need-dispositions.
He motivates me to orient myself toward a non-social object with affective significance, He positions me in a non-decisional situation, He maximizes my adjustment.

Although I entertain masochistic and self-destructive id impulses, I will maintain contact with reality, for my superego is dominant.

His analysis and tranquilizers, they comfort me. He assists in the resolution of my internal conflicts despite my Oedipal problem and psychopathic compulsions. He promotes my group identification.

My personality is totally integrated. Surely my prestige and status shall be enhanced as a direct function of time, And I shall remain sociologically, psychologically and economically secure forever

Psychiatrist Diagnostics

Psychiatristss can diagnose their patients, by the time they arrive at therapy!

If late, the patient is resisting therapy.

If early, the patient is becoming dependent on the therapy.

If on time, the patient is obsessive.

psychology student studying people

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"

i just can't help myself......... but i think i'll drift over to the sofa and read a good book......quit playing here........

bump

[Gracey]

waaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaa I love it

[Gracey]

My son has taken to measuring my head (the circumference) each time I see T. At first I couldn't understand this, until his daddy explained, "I told him you were getting your head shrunk." Lovely. . .can't wait till he starts doing this to his classmates.

Psychologist returns from conference
A psychologist returned from a conference in Aspen lodge where all the psychologists were permitted to ski for free. Her husband asked her How it went?. She replied Fine but I've never seen so many Freudians slips.

hahahaha.....that's great!

social worker asks a collegue: "What time is it?"
The other one answers: "Sorry, don't know, I have no watch."
The first one: "Never mind! The main thing is that we talked about it."

toodles.......have a great day here! pat

[WinterRose]

Wow - never knew there were so many! Fun reading.

[Busysdizzy]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
fayerody said:

Chico Marx, a member of the famed Marx Brothers, once told the story of how a bout of stomach trouble had sent him to the doctor. The doctor prescribed plenty of milk and gave Chico a bottle of pills. "I’ll stop by this evening and see how you’re doing," the doctor said. "In the meantime, drink at least four glasses of milk. Milk is the ticket for curing your trouble. So drink plenty of it."

That evening, the doctor returned, examined Chico and told him, "You’re much better this evening. Just be sure you don’t drink any milk. Not one glass. It’s not for you."

"But, doctor," Chico exclaimed, "only this morning you told me that milk was what I needed and that I should drink four glasses of it."

"Well, what do you know?" the doctor replied. "It certainly goes to show that we’ve made tremendous progress in medicine since the last time I saw you."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This also sounds like regular medicine. I am anurse. I used to work on a surgical floor of a local general hospital. Every day it seems they would be changing the policy for how to do things. One day it would be "use this way of doing that" the next day it would be" tests show that way doesn;t work use way #2" this goes on all the time. It made me feel like nothing really worked they were just guessing!