[tryingtobeconstruct]

During some very bad times recently I realized that none of my friends (none!) were there for me.

What I really needed was for them to proactively help me. I mean, I could call them and they'd listen. But that felt like they were just doing what they had to. What I really needed was them to reach out to me, to check in on me, to suggest doing things together to help me.

I was in crisis mode. I was falling apart. I outright told them what I needed. Not one ever did any of those things.

So I decided they weren't really friends. I loved them once, but now they're just strangers. I purged them from my emotional life. It's not that I feel like now I don't have friends. I feel like I haven't had friends in a long time and am only now just realizing it.

Have you ever done a bulk purge like that? Like, not just divorcing yourself from one person, but wholesale cleaned out the mental list of people you think of as part of your life?

[eskielover]

I think moving 2100 miles away to a new town where I didn't know anyone qualifies. That is exactly what I did 10 years ago. Left my bad marriage of 33 years, my parents had both died & my daughter had moved to another state several years before that.

I have kept contact with the people I really cared about or had a reason to (the lady where I was boarding my horses)....thank you FB for making it easy. I didn't have any others I even cared about keeping contact with.

Came here & everyone has been caring & actually they have taught me how to really connect after living my whole life around dysfunctional people /family who were incapable of any emotional connection.

Best thing I ever did in my whole long life....made that move at the age of 54 & have never regretted it for a moment & never looked back.....though several battles have continued to follow me thanks to a financially irresponsible H who left me with some serious financial issues to deal with. It was the best "good riddance" I have ever had.

Similar experience here in that I moved a considerable distance away from a life. Overnight I removed myself from an ex-husband and numerous friends. Most of those friendships didn't follow me. Only a few I maintain contact with. The act of moving made me realise how many acquaintances weren't friends at all. It was easy to do this purge.

Less easy has been the more recent purges of 'friends' and acquaintances. Much of this has been sparked by the politics south of my border. It seems that it has suddenly become okay - even fashionable - to espouse some incredibly racist and religiously intolerant views. In disgust of what I have been encountering and seeing I have realised there are people I simply can't associate myself with. Purging these people from my life has been more difficult. It has resulted in several nasty confrontations.

Purging however also has had the effect of bringing me closer to those I realise are actually friends and good for me.

[possum220]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I think moving 2100 miles away to a new town where I didn't know anyone qualifies. That is exactly what I did 10 years ago. Left my bad marriage of 33 years, my parents had both died & my daughter had moved to another state several years before that.

I have kept contact with the people I really cared about or had a reason to (the lady where I was boarding my horses)....thank you FB for making it easy. I didn't have any others I even cared about keeping contact with.

Came here & everyone has been caring & actually they have taught me how to really connect after living my whole life around dysfunctional people /family who were incapable of any emotional connection.

Best thing I ever did in my whole long life....made that move at the age of 54 & have never regretted it for a moment & never looked back.....though several battles have continued to follow me thanks to a financially irresponsible H who left me with some serious financial issues to deal with. It was the best "good riddance" I have ever had.

To all who have moved.... What made you pick your new location?

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by possum220

To all who have moved.... What made you pick your new location?

The state was process of elimination. I didnt want to live in a desert region any more. That eliminates the south-west US. I had been on a business trip to the south-east & hated the hot humidity. I always enjoyed my ski vacations to the north-west but KNEW that no way did I want to live in a place where it can get down to -40F in the winter so I eliminated ALL the northers states. I wanted to bring my horse to live with me & Ky is considered the horse capital of the world so thought I would take a trip & see what small farms were available. Spent one week looking at small farms in my price range. Found the one I bought. Fell in live with the house & location though no fencing or barn. I felt like if I didnt buy when I was here, my H would talk me into using my inheritance some other way & I would NEVER escape. Looking back, I would have been better coming here & renting till I found exactly what I needed but I do live my home, location & all the amazingly wonderful people I have met who are more caring than my family ever was. I honestly believe that God opened all the doors to get me to where I am & am supposed to be because I never could have made this all come together. I habe never been happier in all my life even with the struggles I have & am going through still. Having supportive caring people around me has made such a difference in my healung & just how I am able to handle things. The little historical town I live in was the first town settled in Ky & it sure has a colirful history....adds to the interest.