[OblivionIsAtHand]

Has anyone else been to Uncommon Forum with the mistake of wanting help there?

Man, what a hostile forum. Simply bizarre. The opening gambit there was a post calling into question a problem I mentioned (after much extraction on their part) and another post suggesting that my depression was not perhaps real, despite being clinically depressed and having tangible results with medication. And my post was actually a question not even relevant to depression initially, and no problem delineated. It was a general question, but they found a way to psychoanalyze that post, without there being any desire to be psychoanalyzed.

I'd say this place is incredibly dangerous for those with depression, anxiety, and so forth seeking assistance. It labels itself as a Psychology and Self-Help forum (I guess 'self'-help should have been the tip-off that nobody would actually care), but it's like stepping through a portal to hell. You go in expecting some kind of reprieve and get the exact antithesis. I can recall a time when there was actual, productive advice given on it so it's not unreasonable that one would go seeking it out. Compassionate advice. But now it has all the charm of the Nuremberg trials. You're grilled instantly. You're condescended to. A guy named Richard is the gatekeeper there; his say on matters go unchecked -- the veteran members' words are taken as gospel and defended ravenously. They will indeed try to employ group techniques of shaming: they destabilize you intentionally, and it's all under the guise of 'help'. It's actually a bit of a Scientologyesque cult.

I dunno. That place just seems like it's going to be doing those with imbalance a grave disservice. I'm not sure if it purports to be in the business of advice, but that's what people go there for. They dispense it freely. And usually not without massive judgment. 'They', however, is mostly the guy Richard at Decision Skills, whose basically a more dressed up snake oil salesman; life-coaching buzz phrases and other such smarm can be expected of him.

Quite a scary little place. But anyway, mainly just wanting to know if anyone else has had a similar experience with Uncommon. Here it's been nothing but supportive. There, your every action is cause for guilt.

[Turtle_Rider]

I go to the forum and read one post. I don't see the any wrong there.

Maybe, you could link your post here.

[divine1966]

It seems fine to me. I saw posts by someone named Richard and they seem to be very useful and intelligent, pretty much to the point. I just read a few. So I don't know the whole forum. That forum isn't as cuddly as this one probably. People maybe just say it how it is. Some forums might be a bad fit. Not every forum is for everyone

[OblivionIsAtHand]

It seems fine to me. I saw posts by someone named Richard and they seem to be very useful and intelligent, pretty much to the point. I just read a few. So I don't know the whole forum.

Yeah? I dunno. Some people like that pragmatic, boot-strapping approach. Fact remains though, if you do some digging you'll find that he tells a lot of people, in no uncertain terms, their mental illness is a crutch. While yes, I'll submit that people do use mental illness as a crutch at times, his first priority is to doubt the credibility of the person's mental illness. Thinks that the majority of depression is not neurochemical but can be rationalized through. Views it as a highly controllable thing, minus medication. This is a guy who has a PHD (which, I guess anyone can attain nowadays) in Educational Psychology. One veteran poster who regularly chimes in does not believe in clinical depression.

That forum isn't as cuddly as this one probably. People maybe just say it how it is. Some forums might be a bad fit. Not every forum is for everyone

That's right. Not at all in fact. I went in with a question and came out feeling worse. lol. I feel like that's the exact opposite of what you want out of a psychological advice forum, though I could be wrong. 'Sometimes you have to feel worse first to get better.' one might say. But disturbed, and still disturbed? There's no compassion expressed there among most users. Guess I'm used to psychology forums serving as a kind of refuge at times. This place will lead you astray however. It's got a sort of inbuilt cult vibe, as they do indeed try to pry inferiority out of you. They WANT you to feel at fault despite whatever the problem is in some sort of weird hazing. They're not actually interested in helping you per se; they're interested in 'helping' you, on their terms. If you question the details of it they defensively see it as you vs. them (when I say them I mean a handful of users that usually cluster together and build each other up) and you may indeed be lambasted. There's a predictable level of cronyism etc. My advice to any misguided person that happens upon the place and gets caught in that self-doubting loop of Scientology audit proportions would be to just hold your ground and remember that these people are just an e-presence. Don't assign importance to their advice.

It probably skews toward realism, yes, in that your average person is not going to be amenable toward mental illness. Hell, your average person isn't going to show much compassion in general. Certainly doesn't lessen my misanthropy in any way.

I'm not trying to build a 'case' against this place, by the way. Anyone can check it out for themselves if they want. Knowing my luck they probably won't see the more egregious aspects of it though. (I'm reluctant to link my post, so as not to relive the judgment.) Basically was just checking to see if anyone else had an unfortunate experience with it.

[GreenBlueRed]

That was my impression of that forum, too. I remember I went there once a number of years ago to ask for advice and I was really put off by how derisive, cruel, and accusatory the "advice" was, even from moderators.

I find psych central is much more respectful.

[OblivionIsAtHand]

It's a relief to know that I'm not alone in this perception. That's exactly it: derisive and cruel. It really is getting awful there. I got out of there, but I saw one poor individual being put through the ringer emotionally as I was taking leave and I was unable to contact him to get out while he can.

I did however contact the site owner to notify him of the goings-on there, for what little good that will do. Probably nothing. Place wasn't always this bad, but it's been co-opted by just a handful of potentially dangerous people.

[VernonJenkins]

I agree with your perception. I went there to check it out and immediately came across that Richard guy you mentioned in a thread created by someone who feels suicidal.

For the past month, Every morning I wake up, I instantly think about how bad my life is and how it is going to get worse. No one except my family cares if I live or die. I have very few close friends, and no girlfriends. I am hopeless. I believe I have failed in this life. I have almost completely certain I will kill myself within the next month. Right now I am self medicating with Tylenol 3's, klonopin, and sleeping pills.

P. S. I hate the city that I live in, everyone is in cliques and naive, and rude to others. Also, it is almost impossible to find any kind of work here. When I gather enough money, from a job in another city, I am absconding to Europe.

I posted a poll on twitter asking if I should commit suicide or not. 67% said yes I should. So people don't care if you live or die. At best they "say" they do but can't define whate "care" means (other than just words)

And then Richard responds with...

Yes, the vast majority of people do not care whether I live or die. So what?

There are 7 billion people on the planet. Of these people there are a handful, less than 10 individuals that would grieve. So what?

This handful will be even less as family members significantly older than me die. So what?

What if when I die there is no one left to care? So what?

To me, it matters not whether others care whether I live or die. It doesn't stop whether or not I buy strawberries or apples. It doesn't make a bit of difference how many people do or do not care. But, that is me.

The person goes on to say that they posted another poll, and Richard responds again with...

So what? Why does the poll matter whether or not strangers care? Does it stop you from choosing between chicken tacos or spaghetti for dinner?

The person then responds with...

Other people make life worth living or so I'm told. If not then why not be a loner, die alone and be forgotten. I suppose it doesn't matter after all.

Richard's response is then...

Sure. Caring about others makes life worth living. Taking care of other humans or living things provides purpose, it makes life worth living, it makes it enjoyable.

But so what if they care or not? So what if it is 100% that others don't care? Why must caring work both ways?

That's as far as I read. I don't even know... Is this guy for real or what? If he is, he has some of the worst advice I've ever seen someone give under the impression of trying to help.

Edit: the person who posted the thread, obviously frustrated, responded to Richard saying they "don't care." This douche Richard then responds with...

First, it isn't all about you. It is a question for everyone as it is a public forum.

Second, your full of ***** as you and all your previous accounts are the poster child for "woah is me" syndrome. You didn't post the question on Twitter as an impartial observer.

[winter4me]

Thanks for the info. a place I will definitely stay away from.

Never heard of it.

[divine1966]

I think if particular forum is bad, then it's best not to use it. I come across some ridiculous forums. I simply never went on there again. Can you delete your membership. There are many ridiculous things on The internet. If it makes you feel worse then avoid to go on there. I don't think you can fix it.

[OblivionIsAtHand]

That's as far as I read. I don't even know... Is this guy for real or what? If he is, he has some of the worst advice I've ever seen someone give under the impression of trying to help.

Oh yes. Richard Feenstra is real. The thought crossed my mind at one point that maybe he's some kind of elaborate trolling act. But he's the real deal. And sadly that might not even be the worst thing he's uttered on there. He has lessons for sale online that teach decision-making. A lot of it's very buzzwordy kind of psychobabble (he'll espouse oversimplified jargon like The 4 D's; very new-age-esque, life coaching caliber fraudulence), so he would APPEAR as a caricature, but is in fact real. He has a PhD in evolutionary psychology, but has zero grasp of the delicate matters of mental illness. I think you put it best when you said douche. He is the essence of somebody masquerading as the authority on psychological matters with no real grasp of it in actuality, and either he was always this way, or his ego has ballooned due to his credentials. He almost exploded when I even dare question the legitimacy of what he was saying.

Thankfully, I believe a backlash is forming. The posters are becoming more and more disillusioned with his insulting and judgment-filled advice. I believe he's digging his own grave. Let's really hope that the chickens come home to roost.

divine1966 said:

I think if a particular forum is bad, then it's best not to use it. I come across some ridiculous forums. I simply never went on there again. Can you delete your membership. There are many ridiculous things on The internet. If it makes you feel worse then avoid to go on there. I don't think you can fix it.

Yes, certainly. I got out of there. But I notified whoever I could in regards to the potential danger going on there, because as I say he's tearing others down as opposed to 'healing'. Sadly it will probably do nothing; it pains me. Think if some incredibly despondent person got suckered into his damaging advice. I won't presume at all that ALL depressed and/or anxious people are suggestible, but this guy tries to gaslight you into inferiority. He's persistent too, in a very creepy fashion. If you try to amicably say, 'Ok, thanks. Well, I'm just going to go elsewhere' he will respond in ways like, 'you're just running from your problems.' 'Can't handle advice?', ask personal questions, or simply keep asking questions, period, despite you asking him to please stop. It's like a murderer that locks the door and goes: 'You're not going anywhere....'.; (((Out of morbid curiosity I revisited the last thread I posted and he's still, yes, still, posting on it in an attempt to destabilize.))) then he will pull out all the stops: bandy about phrases like 'projecting', 'low self-esteem', etc. - and I'm not embellishing - if you so much ask him a question, even if it's innocuous, about the advice in question. Highly defensive.

He'll temper all this with the occasional, reasonable suggestion to others.

He absolutely saturates the forums now. And while it may seem far-fetched, he has a posse there - a throng of veteran posters that support whatever bad advice he parcels out. Again, just a forum. But not just a forum for the misguided desperately searching for reprieve.

I don't think i've ever heard of that forum.

but I have this one, so guess I don't need it anyway

[OblivionIsAtHand]

I don't think i've ever heard of that forum.

but I have this one, so guess I don't need it anyway

Yes, I'd stick here. You'll come out feeling worse, to be sure.