[LiteraryLark]

I've been on PC for over 8 years now, but I'm considering moving on and I'm not sure about it. I feel like I have too much baggage, too many unusual problems that no one can relate to or be able to give advice for, and I feel like I cause too much trouble, so much that I've outstayed my welcome. I come to PC primarily to resolve my own issues, and I feel that I give terrible advice when I do try to help others. I feel so torn about what to do. I've harbored a secret for so long, and a few months ago I confessed to my T about it. I feel so lonely all the time and I'm depressed because no one can relate to how I feel about this secret, and I don't know how I could talk about it on PC, but there is no one else I can talk to about it because it's such a scary thing for me to talk aloud about. It was a huge deal to tell my T, but I'm worried about discussing it further out loud, but on PC it's easier because I'm typing rather than talking about it. But I don't know exactly what I need or how PC could help me deal with this, so I don't know if I did overstay my welcome and if I should move on or not. I'm not sure what to do but I'm very upset about all this.

[avlady]

you don't have to tell your secret and if you have been here this long you probably did get some good feedback and helped others too, i wouldn't be hasty and run away from us we need people to relate to even though we don't tell our darkest secrets too either. Im sure you helped people in good ways or you wouldn't have stayed so long. Keep your chin up and i hope you feel better.

I would really miss you if you left. If you really feel that you must go, why not just take a break? Talk to admin about taking a few months off. Then you can come back later if you need to, without setting up a new account. I like reading your posts. Hugs to you!

[Sassandclass]

I'm new here, but the support is really great. I'm sure that no matter what your decision is, it will be fully supported and understood.

You don't have to tell all of everything here. I don't.

It is up to you what you want to do, but it sounds like you are struggling with the decision, and maybe it doesn't have to be so black and white / yes or no / stay or go / etc.

I appreciate your presence here. Just wanted to say that. Maybe you need a break. Sometimes I need a break from here.

[unaluna]

Well, LL, you are one of the very few Trump supporters i still "talk" to - funny, the others are pc friends also - so thats gotta mean something! Tell or not, stay or not, you do you - its been a pleasure and a privilege to share your journey with you.

[Nammu]

You are a unique voice here I'd hate to lose that. There's members who've been here longer so don't go just by how long you've been a member as a reason to quit.

I'm sorry you are struggling with a huge monkey but you don't have to share it to be here, only if it would help you to do so. From what I've seen you do give good feedback to others, so if sometimes it misses the mark it given from a well intentioned place and a good place.

Whatever you decide, you have my support.

Would miss you if you left, and hope that you won't - you must do what you feel is right for you, but remember this community is always here for you. Your secret is yours to keep or to share whatever you feel is right.

PS - When you gave me advice regarding a possible work change I can tell you I found your advice and the thoughtful detail you went into very helpful.

[lizardlady]

As someone who joined here long before you I don't believe length of membership is all that important. I've seen some awesome support from newbies. There are also members who've been here forever who give and get support.

This is probably not going to be all that helpful, but do what is best for you. If you've reached a point that you don't need PC anymore, we will miss you, but support you moving on. If you still gain something from being here, then hang around. Others suggested taking a break. That's not a bad idea.

My sense is that your current internal conflict is less about leaving PC and more about feeling like you have to disclose your secret. You can disclose as much or as little as you want hon. I will say though that often when we carry something for years afraid to tell others about it, it turns out others don't fid it all that horrible.

Lark, do what you feel is best for you. Know that you will be missed if you leave, but do what you need to to take care of yourself.

It's obvious you do have people here who are/have become part of your life. I think they would be missed as you would miss them. You seem like a social animal LLark. You would definitely be missed. Add to that too the pure informational resource that PC provides. So much of that resource is the actual community here. Give it some time perhaps?...you have some heavy things on your mind it's clear. Peace soon LL.

[*Laurie*]

Hi LL, I'm wondering if you really feel that it's time to move on, or if it's more that you feel that you're stuck, or stagnating. To me, it seems that many of your posts are high-drama, repeated. It seems that you want and need relationship, friendship, attention, and support, so you often post about subjects that are attention-grabbers. But there's a lack of substance in some of your attempts to reach out...as if you feel empty inside...as if the only way you know how to, or have learned how to, cultivate friendship and relationship is by being 'different' or shocking.

For example, you posted that you had a pregnancy scare...you received a lot of support on that thread...then you seemed to grow bored with the subject (once you received the attention you needed)...next thing, you were onto a post detailing a sexual encounter with a different guy than you'd had the pregnancy scare with, and how that sexual encounter was a let-down for you.

Even this thread smacks of drama...it's something of a veiled threat to abandon the community, that you have a secret you are keeping, and so on. Your post leaves me thinking that you want members to beg you to tell your big secret. To me, it feels like another way of you getting superficial attention.

I'm wondering if you feel empty inside, or feel a lack of meaning in your life, and if, instead of constantly skating on thin ice in order to feel alive, you might consider addressing the void you feel? Maybe work on getting support, developing relationships, and ultimately being loved for who you are inside, rather than for the ways in which you might tend to act out? Just a thought.

[lizardlady]

Good post. ^^^^^^^

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

Hi LL, I'm wondering if you really feel that it's time to move on, or if it's more that you feel that you're stuck, or stagnating. To me, it seems that many of your posts are high-drama, repeated. It seems that you want and need relationship, friendship, attention, and support, so you often post about subjects that are attention-grabbers. But there's a lack of substance in some of your attempts to reach out...as if you feel empty inside...as if the only way you know how to, or have learned how to, cultivate friendship and relationship is by being 'different' or shocking.

For example, you posted that you had a pregnancy scare...you received a lot of support on that thread...then you seemed to grow bored with the subject (once you received the attention you needed)...next thing, you were onto a post detailing a sexual encounter with a different guy than you'd had the pregnancy scare with, and how that sexual encounter was a let-down for you.

Even this thread smacks of drama...it's something of a veiled threat to abandon the community, that you have a secret you are keeping, and so on. Your post leaves me thinking that you want members to beg you to tell your big secret. To me, it feels like another way of you getting superficial attention.

I'm wondering if you feel empty inside, or feel a lack of meaning in your life, and if, instead of constantly skating on thin ice in order to feel alive, you might consider addressing the void you feel? Maybe work on getting support, developing relationships, and ultimately being loved for who you are inside, rather than for the ways in which you might tend to act out? Just a thought.

You are associating me with another member. I never made posts about pregnancy scares or sexual encounters.

[*Laurie*]

I apologize for that, LL. You were not the person who posted about the pregnancy scare and the subsequent sexual encounter.

I'm still concerned, however, about the nature of this thread, in addition to some other threads you have posted- which have included 'on the edge' sexual comments/information. I think you've mentioned that you still live with your parents (as in haven't moved away yet), so perhaps you are just young (I don't know how old you are). I just get a sense of manipulation/drama from some of your posts, this one included.

[LiteraryLark]

I posted this as a general courtesy. Typically, if one leaves the group, they let their PC friends know so they don't wonder what happened to them (and I'm not sure if this is also a PC guidelines to let people know when one leaves).

So I let people know and gave the courtesy as to why.

And I'll state it again.

I guess to avoid the "drama" I'll spit it out. I am someone who has been working hard to vocalize my needs when most of my life I couldn't and wouldn't talk...at all...with anyone, not even to family. I've been bullied most of my childhood and high school so I've always been afraid to talk about how I feel or the strange things that goes on in my head. Therefore, I live 99% of my life in a fantasy world. I'm almost 25 years old and still have imaginary friends. It's embarrassing to talk about so thank you for assuming I wanted to "spill the beans". Only my T and my best friend of ten years know and they only know that I have imaginary friends, nothing detailed because I can never bring myself to talk about something so incredibly personal and shameful because even if I pass it off as "I'm a writer just like Stephen King and JK Rowling and all the greats who clearly have the same issue as me", I feel that my writing is so poor that will never become as great as my favorite authors, and I'm always so afraid it will all come out in a psychosis and then the whole world will know how F'd up I am. I came to PC at 16 with questions I was too afraid to tell anyone. I've been a troublemaker from the start, not knowing how I was "supposed" to act in a large-scale support group. I still have trouble with this apparently since some PC friends associate me with pointless drama, and I'm still wondering now how anyone on PC could possibly think of me as "one of the few Trump supporters I still speak to." Really? Yeah, I guess even on an anonymous support site I have to bite my tongue to convince people I'm still a human being with thoughts and feelings. But PC has been the greatest friend to me these past 8 years, and for those who have stuck by me and gave me such wonderful advice that I was too afraid to disclose to or ask a friend, family, or T, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. It means the world to me. But the real reason I am saying goodbye, is that I finally feel "well", well enough that I am happy to move on and enjoy life outside of the computer screen. It's such a blessing to have a job where I am the top employee, where when asked to cover a major scheduling shift, I got first choice at my days off and I am told by friends of clients and bosses that they appreciate all that I do and how impressed they are and that I "am going above and beyond and be everything they hope for in a caregiver". It is such a blessing to finally be close to my mom, to be able to confide in her rather than "run to Dad", to feel comfortable in confiding to her and acknowledge all she does for me. I feel so blessed that my parents are proud of me which is something incredible when I felt like the most horrible daughter for so long. I have my family and my best friend to talk to and share love and laughs with, I have been working really hard to practice self-love and self-care and because of PC I have so many tools I can use to get me through the hard times. I am leaving PC for now because I want to spend more time in the real world and continue my journey and adventure on my own.

This is LiteraryLark signing out, much love, peace out, catch ya on the flip-side...

XOXO,
Kelly Marie

[*Laurie*]

Thank you for your honest post. It has integrity, and I appreciate that. It sounds like you have worked out a lot of personal issues over the past several years, and that's great! I just hope you know that there's an important, worthwhile woman inside of you...no need to hide her behind a sort-of false facade.

I wish you all the best.

[Unrigged64072835]

Best of luck to you in all that you do.

[unaluna]

I meant it as a compliment! Sorry!

[MuseumGhost]

Biggest hugs to you sweetheart. Continued wonderfulness for you......ignore the negatories!!!!