[Sassandclass]

Here is a question that I want to throw out there. I've always been taught not to speak badly of people (even if they deserve it) and to not gossip.
However, I've noticed that the women who gossip about other people to each other seem closer to one another. They have friends that stay loyal to them and support them.
I've had a hard time finding loyal friends that feel they are "close" to me because I don't like talking about other people behind their backs. But in a small town, that seems to be all anyone ever does!

Does gossiping make you closer to people? And how can I feel close to others and have them feel close to me without gossiping?

[topherlee75]

It's an interesting question. And after reading I realize it's one of the reason I don't have a lot of friends as I don't get into the drama/gossip bull. Yes, men are just as bad as women. To me it's a waste of time and energy.

Is it worth trashing someone to have a close friend or two?

[dermald]

I grew up in a small town. With no internet, cable TV, or entertainment, this was ALL that they did. They had a ton of gossip about my family and me.

It was a relatively religious small town, and we didn't go to church. Most of their gossip was about that, or about how I was a demon, my mother was a witch, we weren't human, and so on.

I think the gossip brought them closer to each other in that they were bonding over their hatred of a common enemy. It's definitely not a positive bond.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by Sassandclass

Does gossiping make you closer to people? And how can I feel close to others and have them feel close to me without gossiping?

While it may seem that when people that gossip together are close and loyal and support each other,it's really not that way at all.They also gossip about each other which causes many problems and hurt feelings.If someone gossips to you they will also gossip about you.

Nearly everyone gossips at one time or another whether they realize that's actually what they're doing or not.Talking to a coworker about how this or that person called off because they're sick is gossiping,just the same as repeating a rumor that they aren't really sick and are instead hungover is.I think it's human nature to talk about others,it's just that some thrive on it and are malicious with it.

I don't feel gossiping makes you closer to people at all.If someone is a true friend they will respect you and still be close even if you don't gossip.There's plenty of things to do and talk about to feel close other than gossiping.

[Unrigged64072835]

I know that one of my friends gossips, but I haven't talked to her lately. I know I've been gossiped about as well, but now I'm too boring to be gossip fodder.

I hate it when women talk trash about other women. We need to be building up, not tearing down.

[Turtle_Rider]

I gossiped a lot, sometimes it would. But trust me, they are not loyal as they seems. I've witness so many of them talked about each other in their backs.

In my opinion, when you gossip it don't always about the bad thing. Just choose better topics. Or talk about something else like movies.

[bronzeowl]

I actually took a communication class recently that I need for my degree, and they discussed this... and for some people, it actually does help build a friendship. Gossiping is how some people communicate. Also, gossiping isn't always bad. Sometimes, it's just spreading information that they know to be true (it isn't always spreading rumors, as some seem to believe).

If you don't like gossip, that's fine. Neither do I. Which is, admittedly, why I have few friends, too. I hate gossip, and I hate people who spread rumors. It irritates the heck out of me when I find out other people have been talking about me. I just don't like it. However, I think we need to accept that gossip is a reality. It does help some people make and build friendships. And while it may seem like they're not loyal to us, some of them actually are.

I don't like gossip so I am cut off from friendships but I do think it is a way to make friends. And at work, I think it gives you power. There I like to look at it like information and if you have information ... people will be your friend because they want that too.

What some believe is information and true is actually lies and slander. Face it, many don't know what they're talking about but it sure sounds juicy and they couldn't care less about the person they hurt. Funny thing is that one day the gossipers will be the subject of someone else's gossip. It's funny how it's only acceptable one way and not the other.

[possum220]

Have to say that gossiping creeps me out. I don't understand why people need to do it. Is it to make them feel better about themselves?

Having been the target of gossip, from people who were so concerned about me but wouldn't come near me, is hurtful.

[Jackwolfsen]

Gossiping has a bad impact on karma, it's better to avoid it

[eskielover]

My first thought was...yes, gossipers stick together closely because they know they gossip & dont want the others to gossip about them or at least they want to hear the gossip if it does happen about them....the gossipers will be sure to know.

There are times when talking about someone is necessary like when I ended up in the middle of a blow up between 2 people it really helped to know the background & it was necessary to find out what had happened in the past to know why it happened so that I could mediate the situation (not at all what I even wanted to do)

Sometimes we want tobknow why someone is now behaving in an unusual way. We dont gossip is is usually only stating a fact about a situation then off we go on other topics. Hurtful talk about anyone is JUST WRONG.

[Open Eyes]

I think it depends on what the gossip is about or the kind of gossip where is it mean spirited or not.

I think gossiping is part of human/primate nature in that it's a way of passing information in hopes to keep up with possible things that people do behind a facade they may present. However, it can also be "shallow" and manipulative which is what individuals often practice to put doubt in others to boost their own self esteem. And sometimes it's engaged in to get attention.

Human beings use different things in order to gain a sense of control and safety, and gossiping has always been used and probably always will.

[dermald]

Gossip and "***** talking" always gets me uneasy, even more so today than in the past.

I had written before about having gotten ripped off by a "friend." This person was a Pathological Narcissist whom I "knew" for four years. He always talked about other people. He'd put them down, refer to them with derogatory terms, and just be nasty.

He was even nasty to me, to my face, at times. Little things like the music you like sucks, or that TV show you watch sucks. Little jabs.

Now that I think about it, there was this one time where he said that his dad and uncle, as different as they were as human beings, were the best of friends. This was the ONLY nice thing that he ever had to say about anyone.

Gossip repels me. I can no longer tolerate it. When they gossip about others, I know that they're engaging in gossip about me as well.