[Labyssum]

I'm terrible with saying 'no'.
My friend asked me out for dinner tomorrow,
and he does not know that I have a fear of eating infront of others...
Sometimes I am able to eat infront of people, but right now I am uncomfortable about it...
How do I get out of it?
I guess I could just say I don't feel like it...
I dunno.
*sigh*.

[ECHOES]

Why not go anyway and enjoy your friend and having someone cook for you. You can do that while feeling uncomfortable at the same time. It will be good practice.

You could you tell your friend about this and see if s/he might offer you some reassurance and make a plan with you about leaving or stepping outside the restaraunt if you start to feel uncomfortable for few minutes.

One way to overcome the discomfort is to give yourself opportunities to try it out from time to time. When you do and you have good experiences, the memory of the good experience is there to draw on the next time you are considering doing something like this and it will be easier to say yes and to feel comfortable about saying yes; it will also feel more comfortable doing it.

Your worry of feeling uncomfortable doing this is because you're taking something that happened before and expecting it to happen again.. but maybe it won't :-) . Thing is, you won't know til you do it. Go, and see how it goes; focus on being with your friend who you are comfortable with in general.

Maybe you didn't say 'no' because deep down you didn't want to. You wanted to say 'yes' and go and have fun. Then anxiety came along and started making you thing that this time will be like other times, when in reality this time hasn't happened yet.

Trust that this is one of those times you will be okay and then see what happens, instead of deciding ahead of time how it will be when you really can't know that.

I hope you go and see how it goes!

[Perna]

I would go, as Echoes says, and then only eat a bite or two, play with your food :-) and then get a box to take it home. I'd use it as an experiment to check out my fears.

Do you know where he wants to go tonight? Maybe you can maneuver to a less formal place or place with lots to "see" so your eating doesn't feel so prime-time?

[Labyssum]

Things went ok. We actually ended up eating at my house, and I only had a few small bites...I was too nervous. But it went ok! Thanks for your replies.

[(JD)]

Why not decide on a movie next time instead???

(((hugs))) Glad you went and had a decent experience. Each time this happens, it helps you heal. TC

[Raynaadi]

Saying no is so incredibly hard. I know for me, I'm a people pleasure by nature, so when someone asks something of me, I instantly want to say yes. However, I've also learned in the last couple of years how important it is to keep a commitment. So I would get myself into such binds....say yes to something and then have to force myself to do it.

With my MS, sometimes I just get too tired, or I'll never know how I'll feel one day, or too much will happen in a day. So I've learned to start saying "maybe". That way, if I'm up to it I go, and if I'm not I can say I'm not up to it.

It helps to have understanding friends and family and it helps to be honest about everything up front. I also learned that no is a complete sentance. The word no does not need an explanation. We might think it does, but we can just say no thank you. It takes practice, but it gets easier.

But I do find that maybe is a much better word for me.

[Busysdizzy]

I don't have a solution, but I do understand what you are talking about. years ago, when I was in my early 20s I had the same uncomfortable feeling eating in public. My stomach would just go into knots! If I went out with someone they would compain that I was being rude by not eating when others were eating. I just could not explain to them why I felt the way I felt.
I did get over it eventually. Now I wish I felt that way again occasionally as I could lose a few pounds and that would help!