Tell Us Your Funny Stories

Do you have a funny story for us?

I took my car to the shop, worried about a sudden pop and hissing noise we heard as we were driving down the highway, then we smelled a chemical smell. We were scared. What was that? Is the car going to break down?

The shop asked if it smelled like this or that. I said it smelled sort of like hairspray. Where did the sound come from? I said it seemed like it was behind us. He shriveled up his face and said he hadn’t heard of anything like that.

They thoroughly checked out the car and called me to come pick it up. When I got there, they said they found a can of glass cleaner that had blown under the driver’s seat.

No charge.

I noticed 4 of the 5 poles behind me as I backed my car out of the tight space...

Someone’s dog crapped on the floor at work today. I don’t even work at a pet store so I have no idea why the dog was there. My coworker said “I just left it there.” It’s really funny. Except it was probably the manager who had to clean it up.

I’m still laughing about it.

Tonight I am making soap for the first time with my 10 year old. We color the soap one drop at a time and it takes time. So my daughter went faster with the scent. We both lean forward to take a deep smell. At the same time we both back up laughing hysterically. Our noses and eyes are burning from the peppermint scent. The smell filled our kitchen. It's going to be the best soap ever. 😂

One time I was in Mexico in a small restaurant off the beaten path. I was trying to order some kind of spaghetti dish. The waiter didn’t understand me and kept insisting something in Spanish. He was waving his arms around. We both got pretty agitated. Finally a guy at the next table tapped me on the shoulder and said “ Lady, he’s saying that he doesn’t care how you want your spaghetti, he just wants you to move to another table so he can close the door! It’s about to rain.”

I caused an accident once. When I was 19, I rear-ended a *cop*

It crunched up my little car. Didn’t even scratch his. He shined his flashlight all over the bumper but couldn’t find anything.

He called another cop to come write me a ticket

My brother and I heard a noise in the backyard. He went to investigate and I stood on the screened in back porch. I let him get a ways from the porch and then yelled "WATCH OUT! It's behind you! Rabid opossum! He screams like a girl and starts running for the porch full tilt. Then stops and looks at me "rabid opossum REALLY?!? I couldn't do anything but laugh hysterically.

I was playing a board game of the chase, and I was doing the cash builder round.

one of the questions asked was,

which charles dickens character says, baaa humbug?

and before I even thought about it, I said charles dickens

then I was like oh.... screw it. I know it's screwdge.... oops.

one time when I was trying to find a song, stay by shakespeare's sister, I was havingn o luck obtaining it

someone asked me: wel why are you struggling to find it?

me (telling it like it is), well, I can't spell shakespeare

no wonder nothing was coming up lol

glad I can spell it now though haha

my friend christopher had a birthday party round his house.

we were playing pass the parcel, and when the music stopped on his turn, he opened his parcel to get one of those flour things.. those sticks full of flower?

well, he popped it with his finger- and flower went absolutely everywhere

oops?

Surely someone has funny pet stories?

This was when we lived in Phoenix. My cat once brought me a “gift” while I was sleeping. It was a scorpion

I woke up when the cat jumped on the bed and dropped it into the neckline of my blouse. I felt something crawl, and oh man I was screaming my head off...

I screamed harder when I saw what it was when I shook it out of my night gown

Why...!!!

I was explaining to someone that the night before I had 2 really bad seizures (as part of an alergic reaction)

they asked me,

so, where were the seizures

I said, oh... they were in the body

before realising my obvious statement, and realising that what they meant was, where in the body

ooops

one time at a friends, we had spicy mexican chicken as part of a BBQ she was doing

well, the chicken didn't agree with me at all, and in sted of going home that night, I had to ask to stay over- partly because I had to be glued to the toilet and going home wasn't really a risk I was prepared to take

that was a tough night, and I had a very sore bottom by the morning. lol

I was waiting outside of the family's lake side cabin in Minnesota with my aunts dog while another aunt was getting her dog ready for a walk we were going to take together. The dog I was waiting with, a fluffy white bichon, started sniffing around an old ice fishing shack converted to a tiny guest house near the cabin. He went under the cabin and wouldn't come out, no matter how much anyone would call him or I would pull the leash. I didn't want to pull too hard, and before I knew it, he pulled the leash all the way under the shack. Suddenly we all smelt the noxious odor of skunk spray and knew why the dog went under the shack, and what had just happened.

My late uncle and another uncle began pulling up the carpet inside the shack to access the removable panels the are normally used to access the ice, were it still a fishing shack. The first uncle pulled one of the panels out, reached into the dark inky blackness under the shack, and a moment later declared, "I feel something soft and fluffy. I sure hope it's the dog!".

Sure enough, out the bichon, now rather stinky, short of breath, and red eyed from the skunk spraying him in the face, and everyone was relieved and laughing, albeit holding their noses.

We didn't have any tomato juice so we used what we thought was the next best thing, ketchup. So this once fluffy white bichon was, for the time being, all slathered in red ketchup as we bathed him.

For a long time after that, whenever he got wet, he would smell faintly of skunk spray.

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

I had a job once where my boss’ job was a revolving door. The judges seemed to hate all the court administrators. This one was no different.

Anyway, we had a big meeting in one of the judges’ courtrooms with a lot of attorneys in attendance, and the court administrator fell asleep. He started softly snoring, which was bad enough, but then he suddenly SNORTED himself awake! It was so loud it startled the people around him. He apologized, and went back to sleep.

I'm not sure I shared this one (and if I did, sorry)

someone was talking to me about a recent seizure I'd just had and they asked me the question- where was it? (as in, where were you when it actually happened)

my response was

well, it was in the body (not realising at the time the question context)

oops

when I was a kid, we did CPR at school (learning how to do it and stuff)

the paramedics came in and acted like the injured patient

well, when it was my turn to perform CPR, I wacked the paramedic in the nose and he started bleeding (deffenetly not what I had planned!)

the others were like to him... why the bloody nose?

sooo embarrassing!

thankfully, since then, I have learned CPR and actually helped 2 people come back round

once I took a piss in a telephone box

I know, not really amusing as suchh, but I thought it was awesome

I left that room laughing my head off

I used to think the lyrics to orinoco flow went something like

" cella wet cella wet cella wet", and when people used to ask me, why- what do I think the song is about, i'd say it was about a woman called cella who had just got out the shower and they were saying she was wet!.

lol.... it dawned on me eventually that the lyrics actually said "sail away", but you can imagine some of the looks I got to start off with.

Recently my cat caught a mouse, ate it, and regurgitateed the head right outside my bedroom door. Happy Sunday morning....