No End in Sight

I am not one of the people who has lost a home, or even been directly threatened by the wildfires. That said, I am sick from the smoke. The fires began in June; they have spread mercilessly. There are fires to the north and northwest of where I live and to the south and southeast. The valley in which I live is surrounded by fires. It's sickening, how much magnificent land is burning - not to mention wildlife being killed. Strangeness is occurring. For example, at dawn I hear birds that don't normally live here. I'm sure they are confused and trying to escape the flames and smoke.

My throat has been sore for weeks, my ears hurt, I'm in pain all over my body. I left my a/c'ed apartment this afternoon, went to the grocery store, and was choking so badly on the smoke I was seriously considering going to the ER - except I don't know what they can do there. I was (yuck) spitting up gunk in the parking lot so I could take deep breaths, but still I was coughing.

Then an elderly lady got all pissy with me because she wanted me to deliver a shopping cart to her car door after she nearly ran me over. She said, "Now I'll have to use my walker to get a shopping cart" - and she gave me this prissy smile when she said that. Ohhh, how I hate when people smile when they're angry! Well, she has a walker and she's not on meds that are giving her brain zaps from the heat. Plus, my husband broke his foot yesterday (fell while jogging) and, although he doesn't look it, he's 71. I'm taking care of him; I can't take care of everyone all at once.

Ugh. I'm sorry, I'm just really venting. Today was the worst day yet as far as the smoke and falling ash, tomorrow will be just as bad. I want to see a normal white moon, not a deep orange moon. I'm just so tried, I'd like to lie in bed for 4 days with my cats snuggled up next to me.
Thank you for reading this.

It is a sad situation! Hope they get the fires out!

((Laurie)) It's sad to see how many people are affected by the wildfires, not just those who their home. One of my best friend had survivor's guilt, another best friend had to evacuate and was traumatized, my other best friend is like you who is very sensitive to smoke. It is very smoky where I am...I can smell it in the house...I am trying to be strong...I am also trying to convince my best friend to let me smoke a little greenage...but, it might make my anxiety worse...because if I'm high and the fire magically spreads to her neighborhood...see? I am so edgy that I don't even think straight anymore...be strong my dear Laurie...maybe this is some kind of karma to bring everyone to their senses and be kind to one another, I've received so much kindness from total strangers since losing my house. ((Laurie))

Thank you SO MUCH.

I definitely feel you, but might not be the best choice to smoke right now. Just because of what you've mentioned...the anxiety that can occur. That type of paranoidish-anxiety can be really hellish.

(((((Laurie))))) the fires sound so scary, I myself am literally terrified of fire so I can empathise how it must feel for you

The smoke was heavy enough to set off my smoke detector in the middle of the night. Just...I don't even...

—-is there anyone u and yr husband and cats could stay with? Have u tried one of those surgical masks?

Thank you all so much.

luvyrself, My husband isn't being bothered by the smoke. *sigh* Of course, it's me who is having trouble with it. I cannot understand how anyone cannot be affected by this air, but it seems to be that way. As for his broken foot, he's wearing a surgical "boot" and limping around like a trooper. He has enough stamina for 5 people, and I have practically none. Also, he lives in his house (1 mile from where I live), so I think he's more protected from the smoke. I know he thinks I'm weak and just need to "change my way of thinking". After 35 of marriage, I'm not even addressing what he thinks of me 'cause he's stuck with me, regardless.

I did try the mask - oddly, didn't help. I guess that's why I haven't seen other people wearing masks.

No, no one to take care of my cats. My daughter and son-in-law live in a town nearby that is all smoked in, too. In fact, they left and went up the coast to stay with his dad. (Guess who is caring for their cats this week-end? Yup!)
My son is in SF (85 miles west). Anyway, I won't leave my cats. But thank you, I appreciate your reply.

BTW - If I had the $$$$$, and if my car wasn't (again!) in the shop I would take my 4 cats and rent a cabin on the coast. But that would cost thousands .

I was in a nice coffeehouse near my apartment and saw one of the band members of Journey buying a superfood drink - I'm betting he was driving through town from east of here on his way to the coast to get out of this mess. Nice to be a rock star with loads of bucks.

I wish I was nearer, Laurie, me and Tigger would be happy to cat sit but we're in the wrong country (my only concern would be I don't know how confident your cats are and Tigger's a rough player with other cats cause she don't know her own size)

ws, that is SO kind of you. Honestly, just feeling your warmth and friendship gives me strength and hope.

Ugh. My smoke alarm keeps going off. Terrifies my cats. I'm gonna beat the darn alarm to pieces.